I had a lot of fun today but it was pretty hard. I didn't get much sleep which is why I'm sure. But besides the regular anxiety i felt like i wanted to crawl out of my skin at times today. Like there was an itch deep inside me. I just kept telling myself it would pass. There were a lot of distractions today and the day seemed to go by pretty fast. I finally got to a point where i was ready to try writing that story again and i get about a paragraph done and i'm overwhelmed with the feeling that all of the story i've written so far is complete and utter crap. I'm trying to just ignore that feeling. It's supposed to be practice anyway. Its ok if its not perfect. I need to sleep desperately, cause i'm just not right in the head i feel fried. But i feel sick at my stomach and if i take my medicine now i'm afraid i'll puke it. Its a lot of pills and they always give me a horrible acid attack anyway. So the plan is to sip some soup ssssss i love alliteration, and then i'll take the pills. And then it will all be groovy. I feel guilty about bitching and moaning in journals but its almost the only chance i get to do it. everyones situation always seems so much worse than mine so i usually keep quiet. Staying up late always sounds like a good idea but my sanity seems to disapear at midnight like a phsycho cinderella. I meet people from all over the world on this site why is there no one on at night? i rhyme all the time.
I watched the movie Giant today, that old one. I didn't think i was going to like it but i did. And I thought it was going to be predictable but it wasn't. Elizabeth Taylor stared in it, in her prime, I've never seen her more beautiful or seen her do better acting. People go instantly insane over her character in the movie and I don't think i would buy into that if the part was played by anyone but Elizabeth Taylor.
Pills taken countdown begins. Sometimes like tonight i'm so out of it by the time i'm ready to sleep i just stand there in the kitchen with a handful of pills, staring down at them, and for the life of me i can't figure out if i've got them all. And I have to get help. That actually really scares me that i'd get to a point i can't even medicate myself.
Excuse me did you notice i was gone for a minute? of course not, i had to stop the female cat from humping the female dog. yes thats right, that sweet orange tabby i had a picture of in my journal last night is a lesbian. ha ha lesbian cat, top that. the dog just sleeps through the whole thing she could care less. we have a boy cat now and the pussy is still trying to fuck the biitch. she's a freak, her name is gypsy. we had to ask the vet if she was a girl or boy cause it looks like she has balls. and she's never been fixed but never goes into heat, but apparently does get horny. she humps my underwear too. i have to make sure she can't get to it. She has the most horrible voice, and for some reason when i get on the phone she just starts letting it out and whoever i'm talking to asks what the hell that noise is. i bet folks wanna hear about my pets less than they want to hear me whine but oh well. then we have the new little tom cat. i almost named him spaz and maybe i should have. he is so much trouble constantly into everything and bouncing off the walls. this might sound like all cat but i've never had one this athletic. he just carelessly flings himself around in the air like he's trying to fly and most of the time doesn't land where he was aiming for. he is T-Rex the Terrible. Then theres the spoiled boston terrier with one blue eye and one brown thats always hitting her head on coffee tables or walking into walls. and then Punkin who's a terrier mutt, the body of a pit bull the head of a jackle. he's an escape artist but thankfully we always manage to get him back home. the neighbor lady i spend half my life complaining about is very sweet and helpful about trying to get him back. she's usually the first one that notices he escapes. its so frustrating cause i get so scared and mad when he gets out cause we live by the highway and he chases cars, but if i sound upset he won't come to me. so i have to act all casual while at any minute he could get hit by a car. i'll never get over the fact that my sister says she won't have outside dogs because they always get hit by a car but the first thing she did when she got to our house was let that dog out. and she was like oops did i do that? God i can not talk about my sister right now. Damn i wish i hadn't gone there. Its so odd that I love these people called family against my will simply because we are bound by blood. LIke my dad, i only have one good memory of him. one time he held my hair while i puked.
Its ironic that out of everyone in the family i'm the one he hated, and now i'm the only one that will communicate with him. we've come a long way, i actually don't want to kill him anymore. my family is so messed up, i should never never breed. The only difference between me and them is that i try to get help for myself. i don't know if any of it really helps. but god help me i do try. yeah i need to get this shit out but i'm not gonna sleep again if i keep this up.
night night
sleep tight
don't let the bed bugs bite
and if they do
take a shoe
and beat them till their black and blue
I watched the movie Giant today, that old one. I didn't think i was going to like it but i did. And I thought it was going to be predictable but it wasn't. Elizabeth Taylor stared in it, in her prime, I've never seen her more beautiful or seen her do better acting. People go instantly insane over her character in the movie and I don't think i would buy into that if the part was played by anyone but Elizabeth Taylor.
Pills taken countdown begins. Sometimes like tonight i'm so out of it by the time i'm ready to sleep i just stand there in the kitchen with a handful of pills, staring down at them, and for the life of me i can't figure out if i've got them all. And I have to get help. That actually really scares me that i'd get to a point i can't even medicate myself.
Excuse me did you notice i was gone for a minute? of course not, i had to stop the female cat from humping the female dog. yes thats right, that sweet orange tabby i had a picture of in my journal last night is a lesbian. ha ha lesbian cat, top that. the dog just sleeps through the whole thing she could care less. we have a boy cat now and the pussy is still trying to fuck the biitch. she's a freak, her name is gypsy. we had to ask the vet if she was a girl or boy cause it looks like she has balls. and she's never been fixed but never goes into heat, but apparently does get horny. she humps my underwear too. i have to make sure she can't get to it. She has the most horrible voice, and for some reason when i get on the phone she just starts letting it out and whoever i'm talking to asks what the hell that noise is. i bet folks wanna hear about my pets less than they want to hear me whine but oh well. then we have the new little tom cat. i almost named him spaz and maybe i should have. he is so much trouble constantly into everything and bouncing off the walls. this might sound like all cat but i've never had one this athletic. he just carelessly flings himself around in the air like he's trying to fly and most of the time doesn't land where he was aiming for. he is T-Rex the Terrible. Then theres the spoiled boston terrier with one blue eye and one brown thats always hitting her head on coffee tables or walking into walls. and then Punkin who's a terrier mutt, the body of a pit bull the head of a jackle. he's an escape artist but thankfully we always manage to get him back home. the neighbor lady i spend half my life complaining about is very sweet and helpful about trying to get him back. she's usually the first one that notices he escapes. its so frustrating cause i get so scared and mad when he gets out cause we live by the highway and he chases cars, but if i sound upset he won't come to me. so i have to act all casual while at any minute he could get hit by a car. i'll never get over the fact that my sister says she won't have outside dogs because they always get hit by a car but the first thing she did when she got to our house was let that dog out. and she was like oops did i do that? God i can not talk about my sister right now. Damn i wish i hadn't gone there. Its so odd that I love these people called family against my will simply because we are bound by blood. LIke my dad, i only have one good memory of him. one time he held my hair while i puked.
Its ironic that out of everyone in the family i'm the one he hated, and now i'm the only one that will communicate with him. we've come a long way, i actually don't want to kill him anymore. my family is so messed up, i should never never breed. The only difference between me and them is that i try to get help for myself. i don't know if any of it really helps. but god help me i do try. yeah i need to get this shit out but i'm not gonna sleep again if i keep this up.
night night
sleep tight
don't let the bed bugs bite
and if they do
take a shoe
and beat them till their black and blue
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
Hope you slept well; myself am not so lucky. From the point in time I am writing this I have another 50 some hours I have to try and drag through, hopefully a few hours of sleep, but luck has not been on my side.
Well take care of yourself.
What a cat to live with..
Take care