Ive had so much on my mind lately. gah.
Well My brother is in my hometown until the 30th. And I am very torn as to whether I should bother going home to see him. He will be going back to Iraq for the 4th time, hence why he is home for now. I haven't talked to him in over a year and a half now. We have never been close and I don't know that he cares if he sees me or not. I was talking a my friend and she asked how would i feel if i don't see him before he leaves and he doesn't come back. I'm thinking that if i go to see him the experience probably won't be any better than the last current memory I have of him either. It does make me sad to be this disconnected from him, but it is his fault.
So I am continually discontent with my situation. I don't really know what it is that will make me happy. I continually want to move. My job is pretty good, its easy at the least and I'm provided for. My male boss is kind of getting on my nerves. Hes diagnosed as ADD and is also on antidepressants but I really just think he's Bipolar and hes been working from home, so I'm the one dealing with him. They're working through issues and eh. I'm here for it all.
And then there is you. I dont know why I think so much about you. You typically aren't even the type of person I want to be with. I am always wanting unrealistic things. its just that youre the first person to make me feel something inside since Donny.
And then there is Alex. Who I just wish would get his life together. He's my best friend and I won't ever stop loving him but we won't be together either.
And then there are some more recent folk who I just haven't had the 'spark' with.
Maybe I am codependent. I just want love. I mean its been over three months now that I've been single, which is a record for me! I've always been in serious relationships and its been great to take some time for myself. I don't even want a serious relationship per se. I just want some damn companionship. It seems like all the people that I really click with aren't realistic. Either because of age or geographical restrictions. Not that age means much to me.
I feel like I have so much to give and I find myself with people that are just total downers. I pick great men that have ONE sever character flaw that ends up being the demise of our relationship.
I just need a stable man. Mentally, physically, economically, emotionally. I don't even need someone that can take care of me; but it seems I have an issue finding a man that can provide for himself even.
Well I am living a day at a time and working on bettering myself. Ive lost a whopping 8 lbs since i moved here, and that was without exercise. Now i'm even jogging
I am still going through with my Burma event. I looked into getting a really nice banner made too, so hopefully that will be in the works soon.
Id really like to take the time to read something as well, but we will see. I am mos def going back to school in the winter though and I am stoked for that. I miss having some intellectual stimulation. Although some fine SG folks have provided me with some; probably just as equally with stupidity. Oh well.
And.... im done.
Peace in the Precincts.
Well My brother is in my hometown until the 30th. And I am very torn as to whether I should bother going home to see him. He will be going back to Iraq for the 4th time, hence why he is home for now. I haven't talked to him in over a year and a half now. We have never been close and I don't know that he cares if he sees me or not. I was talking a my friend and she asked how would i feel if i don't see him before he leaves and he doesn't come back. I'm thinking that if i go to see him the experience probably won't be any better than the last current memory I have of him either. It does make me sad to be this disconnected from him, but it is his fault.
So I am continually discontent with my situation. I don't really know what it is that will make me happy. I continually want to move. My job is pretty good, its easy at the least and I'm provided for. My male boss is kind of getting on my nerves. Hes diagnosed as ADD and is also on antidepressants but I really just think he's Bipolar and hes been working from home, so I'm the one dealing with him. They're working through issues and eh. I'm here for it all.
And then there is you. I dont know why I think so much about you. You typically aren't even the type of person I want to be with. I am always wanting unrealistic things. its just that youre the first person to make me feel something inside since Donny.
And then there is Alex. Who I just wish would get his life together. He's my best friend and I won't ever stop loving him but we won't be together either.
And then there are some more recent folk who I just haven't had the 'spark' with.
Maybe I am codependent. I just want love. I mean its been over three months now that I've been single, which is a record for me! I've always been in serious relationships and its been great to take some time for myself. I don't even want a serious relationship per se. I just want some damn companionship. It seems like all the people that I really click with aren't realistic. Either because of age or geographical restrictions. Not that age means much to me.
I feel like I have so much to give and I find myself with people that are just total downers. I pick great men that have ONE sever character flaw that ends up being the demise of our relationship.
I just need a stable man. Mentally, physically, economically, emotionally. I don't even need someone that can take care of me; but it seems I have an issue finding a man that can provide for himself even.
Well I am living a day at a time and working on bettering myself. Ive lost a whopping 8 lbs since i moved here, and that was without exercise. Now i'm even jogging
I am still going through with my Burma event. I looked into getting a really nice banner made too, so hopefully that will be in the works soon.
Id really like to take the time to read something as well, but we will see. I am mos def going back to school in the winter though and I am stoked for that. I miss having some intellectual stimulation. Although some fine SG folks have provided me with some; probably just as equally with stupidity. Oh well.
And.... im done.
Peace in the Precincts.
But on the single life hanging with your friends is key. It really does help take the edge off the lonely feelings.
And don't worry too much, you're still young and you'll get there.