mavenist

"Well of course it'll be fine, you know you two are eventually going to get married, right?" -Jamie

"I admire you, you're a much stronger person than I am; I could never leave..." - Emily

I wanted the first quote to be true, so bad, and when I agreed I felt the conviction knowing it wasn't true.

I wanted the second one to be true as well but I am still feeling so uncertain.

I feel bad because I want to think that I am so sure that I have made the right decision, and sometimes I even feel so confident that I have. And then this afternoon I had the most overwhelming feeling that what I did was wrong and I'm throwing away something i'll never have again.

I know that regardless of whether I acted rashly or not, I know that over all things will work out. I feel bad because I do not want to be putting anyone through unnecessary pain, and I hate that I am so uncertain of things at the moment. I do love Alex and I do love Donny. I just don't know what I am doing... I just need both of them to give me time. Although I know Alex won't take me back right now at least, and Donny would take me in a heartbeat.