Monday Mar 21, 2005

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funny story mmy ex-girlfriend, who is still living sith me rent free, as she has been for the past year, but is now dating some bass player from reading (while still living off of me) met one of the top 5 in my sg favorites list while out with said douche-bag boyfriend. i, on the otherhand, have been drowning myself in a haze of prescription medications, nyquil, and alcohol just to avoid what's going on around me. seems like the more you try to do for somebody, the more you love them the more they resent you and the more they treat you like gutter scum. christ tonight was the first time i left my couch since friday, other than to take a piss. i just need to get the fuck out of here and into the new place. close the fucking book on this chapter. it fucking kills me to love a woman who runs around til 5-530 am six nights a week with some jizz bucket who has the balls to pick her up at my doorstep every night. ah well, live and learn. think i'm finally letting myself fall out of love with her, you can only be walked on for so long, after all. it would be nice to think there'll be a nice one out there someday, but i'm not holding my breath.

afterthought:
christ i hate emo. maybe i'm just old, but whatever happened the kids who were into street punk, ska, rocka/psychobilly, oi? i guess most of us just grew up...
tori:
hrmm. this is all easier said than done. i'll always be there for my friends. i know that. it's a pain in my fuckin ass and most of them don't deserve it, but i have this weird hope in my mind that if i act like the friend that i want, perhaps it will catch on and they'll stop being so fuckin stupid.
most of my stress is the fault of my friends. i can't deal with it. but when i go to any of them for lies ("everything will be alright") and comfort (someone to drink with), it's some big hassle. so yeah. fuck my friends not having time to talk me out of my crazy notions. really now. they're the cause of most of my bullshit stress. gar.
maybe i need new friends?
and yeah. fuck emo. with a stick. in the mouth. i miss the whole scene. i love hardcore, but i do miss the good old street punk shows and what not. and again. just to reitterate. fuck emo.

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