My grandmother is dying.
I ache and I'm screaming crying for the woman
who was so simply a grandmother to me.
Emotionally available, and a simple, loving woman with abundant love for me.
I am in a fog and I have no time
or room to grieve.
I feared this time in my life for so long.
It's reality only hit me in small pieces...
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I ache and I'm screaming crying for the woman
who was so simply a grandmother to me.
Emotionally available, and a simple, loving woman with abundant love for me.
I am in a fog and I have no time
or room to grieve.
I feared this time in my life for so long.
It's reality only hit me in small pieces...
Read More
mrlucky:
This will be a difficult time and the loss will be immense, I do wish that I could say or do something to make it go away, but the truth is no one will be truly able to understand your grief. So I offer you a little space on my mind, as my thought are with you.
I've been thinkking the other day I was talking to someone on the phone and they were comparing where they got their haircut ______ to where I now work________. And they said something ot the effect of, "It's like going to [where you work] sometimes you get someone ok, sometimes not, but never great.
Fuck that.
I'm awesome.
That comment pissed me off.
That's all.
Fuck that.
I'm awesome.
That comment pissed me off.
That's all.
16.75 hours of school left.
That's two and a half days.
Fuck Yeah.
That's two and a half days.
Fuck Yeah.
Little girls have the power to terrorize each other. They keep doing it when they're "big girls".
After today, four more fucking days of this bullshit.
"Daddy, will you com ehome and live on this side of the country again? What? If we need you? Yeah, we fucking need you."
"Carbon made only wants to be unmade." This is true.
After today, four more fucking days of this bullshit.
"Daddy, will you com ehome and live on this side of the country again? What? If we need you? Yeah, we fucking need you."
"Carbon made only wants to be unmade." This is true.
5 days left. Getmeoutgetmeoutgetmeout.
My grandmother is ill. More ill. Fucking mental illness.
I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if I weren't so fucking numb already.
I'm selling boatloads of clothes and accesories and bags on ebay to consignment stores. Fuck it all.
My grandmother is ill. More ill. Fucking mental illness.
I think I'd have a nervous breakdown if I weren't so fucking numb already.
I'm selling boatloads of clothes and accesories and bags on ebay to consignment stores. Fuck it all.
gitta:
youwillgetoutyouwillgetoutyouwillgetout.
very soon.
and yes, fuck mental illness.
very soon.
and yes, fuck mental illness.
I'm so sucky with computers that this new layout is like navigating some foreign site to me.
6 days of class left.
My life is upsidedown right now.
I fill it with everything I can. That means no time on here because this is down time and I'll have none of that.
Someone close to me is in the hospital and no I don't want...
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6 days of class left.
My life is upsidedown right now.
I fill it with everything I can. That means no time on here because this is down time and I'll have none of that.
Someone close to me is in the hospital and no I don't want...
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gitta:
I cut and pasted this from Shalome's post in the girls only group. Maybe it will help...
COMPUTER STUFF
1. Update your web browser and operating system! (I'm talking to Windows users, here, since Mac users are less likely to have problems with the new SG)
-- for Firefox, make sure you're using 1.5.0.x - get it here (and honestly, I'd recommend using it anyway -- there are still some Internet Explorer bugs the tech staff is working to fix, but Firefox works fine)
-- for Internet Explorer, make sure you're using the newest version with all the patches. Just go to http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and download everything it detects you need
-- for Windows users, just go to http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and download everything it detects you need. It might take a while, but you need to do it. It's like going to the dentist. Just get it over with.
2. Update your Flash Player!
-- Firefox users, make sure you've got the newest Flash Plugin
SITE STUFF
1. Where are my bookmarks? -- Click "HOME" under your name at the top right-hand side of the page. Your bookmarks are accessible in the "Manage My Stuff" bar.
2. But I can't click on anything in the Manage My Stuff bar! -- see the computer update section above. ::edit:: Looks like that's a bug in Internet Explorer -- tech staff knows about it and will fix it. Until they do, try using Firefox.
3. Where are my Friends' Journals? -- Click "HOME" under your name at the top right-hand side of the page. Your friends' journals are viewable below the "MESSAGES" box. Only three journals are displayed at a time -- to see the next page of your friends' journals, click the right arrow above "READ MORE." The page won't reload, but the journals will appear. Be patient -- it's a bit slow right now.
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING! AAARGH!
Change is scary, I know. Just spend some time clicking around and you'll figure out where everything is. It does make sense after a while, I promise.
HOLY CRAP, THE COLORS ARE TOO LIGHT!
Yeah, it looked like ass on my laptop, too. I messed with the gamma in my color settings (Right-click anywhere on your Desktop, select "Properties" in the box that pops up, and after that it depends on your computer and graphics card, but it's usually somewhere under "Settings" and then "Advanced") and it looks better. Without messing with the gamma, it looks just fine on my nice flat-panel monitor at work, and on other regular monitors, but still kinda fucked on my laptop. You Mac users, I know it looks fine on yours. Fuck you.
WHY IS IT SO SLOOOOOW?!?
Well, it's a brand new thing, and they're still working out all the kinks as everybody starts using the brand-spankin'-new feature-heavy version of SG. Expect things to get back to normal soon as the tech team works out all the bugs.
And congrats on graduation!
COMPUTER STUFF
1. Update your web browser and operating system! (I'm talking to Windows users, here, since Mac users are less likely to have problems with the new SG)
-- for Firefox, make sure you're using 1.5.0.x - get it here (and honestly, I'd recommend using it anyway -- there are still some Internet Explorer bugs the tech staff is working to fix, but Firefox works fine)
-- for Internet Explorer, make sure you're using the newest version with all the patches. Just go to http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and download everything it detects you need
-- for Windows users, just go to http://windowsupdate.microsoft.com and download everything it detects you need. It might take a while, but you need to do it. It's like going to the dentist. Just get it over with.
2. Update your Flash Player!
-- Firefox users, make sure you've got the newest Flash Plugin
SITE STUFF
1. Where are my bookmarks? -- Click "HOME" under your name at the top right-hand side of the page. Your bookmarks are accessible in the "Manage My Stuff" bar.
2. But I can't click on anything in the Manage My Stuff bar! -- see the computer update section above. ::edit:: Looks like that's a bug in Internet Explorer -- tech staff knows about it and will fix it. Until they do, try using Firefox.
3. Where are my Friends' Journals? -- Click "HOME" under your name at the top right-hand side of the page. Your friends' journals are viewable below the "MESSAGES" box. Only three journals are displayed at a time -- to see the next page of your friends' journals, click the right arrow above "READ MORE." The page won't reload, but the journals will appear. Be patient -- it's a bit slow right now.
I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING! AAARGH!
Change is scary, I know. Just spend some time clicking around and you'll figure out where everything is. It does make sense after a while, I promise.
HOLY CRAP, THE COLORS ARE TOO LIGHT!
Yeah, it looked like ass on my laptop, too. I messed with the gamma in my color settings (Right-click anywhere on your Desktop, select "Properties" in the box that pops up, and after that it depends on your computer and graphics card, but it's usually somewhere under "Settings" and then "Advanced") and it looks better. Without messing with the gamma, it looks just fine on my nice flat-panel monitor at work, and on other regular monitors, but still kinda fucked on my laptop. You Mac users, I know it looks fine on yours. Fuck you.
WHY IS IT SO SLOOOOOW?!?
Well, it's a brand new thing, and they're still working out all the kinks as everybody starts using the brand-spankin'-new feature-heavy version of SG. Expect things to get back to normal soon as the tech team works out all the bugs.
And congrats on graduation!
11 days left. So in lieu of a night out, I spent the evening coloring my friend's hair, made $20, so that's good I guess. I can buy a book or a piece of art at the arts festival tomorrow if it doesn't rain. I am in love with the fact that I have a tangible skill. I can color and create and shape with...
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gitta:
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. Do not change a thing.
13 days left.
I'm into logic puzzles lately.
I can't believe I'm going to graduate.
I'm into logic puzzles lately.
I can't believe I'm going to graduate.
There are 2 loves of my life. I know that. I can now separate feelings. That makes things a little easier, but not finished. Yes, things are sorted a little more now. 
I cannot believe that at 27 I still give people the power to fuck with my self-esteem. I have a problem. I have just become aware of it today. I hold no self-worth for myself. I do not have high self-esteem. I do not regard myself in any way positive. This is not a good thing. I am not sure when/how I realized this, but...
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Uggh, so this guy came to talk to us in class today. basically I'm fucked because I don't have all these saving accounts. I love how you're supposed to go from 18 to 19 with no slip ups and with financial sense in tow. It Kills me.
Anyway, 19 days left. 19 freaking fucking days till I'm free.
Can't happen soon enough.
I hate weekends...
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Anyway, 19 days left. 19 freaking fucking days till I'm free.
Can't happen soon enough.
I hate weekends...
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Faces are swirled into one another.
Names are certainly forgotten.
I can barely see in this dingy light with a tub of Italian ice melting on the table before me.
There is a girl at a round table near the stage, beautiful in an easy way with large beads around her neck. She is so comfortable in this place. This motel where no one is...
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Names are certainly forgotten.
I can barely see in this dingy light with a tub of Italian ice melting on the table before me.
There is a girl at a round table near the stage, beautiful in an easy way with large beads around her neck. She is so comfortable in this place. This motel where no one is...
Read More