I'm an asshole; I know this. But, like many things in life, it's an acquired taste. I've been posting lately about being nice and positive and happy. Down inside, I'm a tortured mess. I made the wrong turn at Albuquerque, as Bugs Bunny would say. And yeah, I was about thirteen outside Sandia Labs there now that I think about it. Juvenile delinquent.
So being alone in the world isn't too bad. I mean I have these really adult relationships with people. Going AWOL is so much fun....
I'm catching myself in midstride today, reminding myself of my fucking overbearing father. "Hey, dude, your area is looking like a shitsty. Gotta pick up these fucking spit-cups and sweatshirts." This is to Sergei, a fifty-year-old graying expert woodworker from Ukraine. "I KNOW this is yours, need to get it outta here." "Dean, these ees aahgly, I no tekkit home...." He's referring to a Port Townsend sweatshirt with a sailboat on it, which I'd asked if he'd been to. "My WIFE buy these, she alla time spend lotta MAHNEY. But for me, buy CHEEP." He unzips a sweater to show me a purple T-shirt with Ortho Bug-B-Gone on the front. "She buy at Goodwill. Ees no good for my eemage...."
The office staff doesn't like me because the VP of sales badmouths me. Any hot girl that gets hired usually gets ran off before I have a chance to ask her out. We don't respect one another. About a year ago we got into it. "When are you going to realize that all you do all day is take orders on the phone, while I GIVE orders all day, which pays your salary?" She freaked out then, and my boss told her, quite childlike, that she was not to speak to me again, unless spoken to, and that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. So I hadn't said a word to her, until today. Sad as I was, my dark side took over. I just happened upon her looking over the accountant's shoulder, and they were both freaking out that I had a massive profit sharing contribution on my 401K. I hit her with all my might. I went straight to her fucking West Virginia roots. "Hey, that would be MINE, I bet. And, WHO'S YOU'RE DADDY????"
So being alone in the world isn't too bad. I mean I have these really adult relationships with people. Going AWOL is so much fun....
I'm catching myself in midstride today, reminding myself of my fucking overbearing father. "Hey, dude, your area is looking like a shitsty. Gotta pick up these fucking spit-cups and sweatshirts." This is to Sergei, a fifty-year-old graying expert woodworker from Ukraine. "I KNOW this is yours, need to get it outta here." "Dean, these ees aahgly, I no tekkit home...." He's referring to a Port Townsend sweatshirt with a sailboat on it, which I'd asked if he'd been to. "My WIFE buy these, she alla time spend lotta MAHNEY. But for me, buy CHEEP." He unzips a sweater to show me a purple T-shirt with Ortho Bug-B-Gone on the front. "She buy at Goodwill. Ees no good for my eemage...."
The office staff doesn't like me because the VP of sales badmouths me. Any hot girl that gets hired usually gets ran off before I have a chance to ask her out. We don't respect one another. About a year ago we got into it. "When are you going to realize that all you do all day is take orders on the phone, while I GIVE orders all day, which pays your salary?" She freaked out then, and my boss told her, quite childlike, that she was not to speak to me again, unless spoken to, and that I could do whatever the fuck I wanted. So I hadn't said a word to her, until today. Sad as I was, my dark side took over. I just happened upon her looking over the accountant's shoulder, and they were both freaking out that I had a massive profit sharing contribution on my 401K. I hit her with all my might. I went straight to her fucking West Virginia roots. "Hey, that would be MINE, I bet. And, WHO'S YOU'RE DADDY????"
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
christi:
sorry....but happy (belated) valentines day! 
dharmabox:
i would love to do some cycling with you. i think i am going to have to switch to a long board this summer my board i have been riding was a 6' 11" with a thruster tail setup i loved it but it wants to sink on me too fast before i can pop up and i am going to have to relearn that since it's been awhile, but hell it i take care of that we can it it all!