It's been almost 3 years since I came to the USA
somehow tonight is the night where i suddenly want to write after a so long not beeing "deep" online due the fact that nobody cares and why should anybody besides me anyway, right?
But words spurge are a good method for moving on/overcoming and what not.
I have never meditated, I'm unsure how you do it, i do think maybe too much.
The Story (to avoid you the reading too much, you can check old pictures in the 2nd spoiler)
When i decided to come to the USA i was in love, with some guy that lived in Portland, OR and that i met in 2010.
I thought that was good enough, i packed all my stuff and signed up for a masters degree in San Francisco and left knowing nobody in California, let alone San Francisco.
I landed in May 2011, this guy dumped me in July 2011.
I was sad, i thought a lot about my choice of moving cause of somebody i guess barely knew (for a year) and what not.
My mom would tell me I could come home, I refused and said sometimes its good to face your choices and be brave.
Here I am, almost 3 years later and I miss a few things:
My family and friends, my dogs but most of all
Confidence and being as outgoing as i was, i feel i was more fun then than i am now.
Is it the culture? Is it the language? Am i getting old?
My mom and i laugh for hours, my boyfriend (Andrew/American) laughs at my things (is it because he's in love or is it that i am still fun?) bah.
I miss having friends, in three years I can count with one hand the friends i have made in this land (and I'm proud of them) but they have very busy lives, so the truth is i spend tons of hours alone, walking dogs or being brain drained by Louie (comedy) or whatever cheesy show on TV.
Like Eddie Vedder/Pearl Jam says " Oh I'm a lucky man
To count on both hands
The ones I love
Some folks just have one
Yeah others they got none"
Maybe i became more outward socially.... i don't know what it is, but it sucks and makes me over think the things that happen when i meet people, am i going crazy? am i maybe too picky? does this happen to you (the over thinking)?
So this past christmas my doctor said i'm suffering from stress and that empathy is not doing any good for me :/
I do want to end in a positive note, the US hasn't been bad for me, it has let me develop more as a photographer, allowed me to meet and work with beautiful women. I love Honey Cheerios.
The USA have let me feel free by just riding bicycles safely at any time of the day and I have a lovely relationship with a great man, so It hasn't been all sappy and horrible, i just need to make more friends, put myself out there and maybe just let go knowing that if i fall it wont go further than the ground, right?
Some Pics
With @araid back when we were both in undergrad
One of my last csurfing meetings back home
with one of my greatest dogs
my last birthday home
one of my best friends @MISS3ING in 2004 :D
some of my friends that are now all around the globe due the stupid government and crime of my country
with all the photographers i had as colleges and also friends (me as a blonde)
Whatever, to conclude this story, i made me a list of things i should/want/need to do :)
Here's a more "current" image of how i possibly see everything :)
Have a beautiful week, tell me something about you?
I do love you all (everybody but specially the few readers i still have around here :P )
xoxo
Mary = Sper
