mary

again i resurface after a long period of time. i am like that... moody and easily disenchanted by the prospect of dealing with all those damn emails and all the people i know who seem to think i cannot be a true friend unless ive sanctioned it by accepting them on myspace. but! time cures all because my email account was closed down and happily all those emails were lost and i can now reopen it and be fresh. i havent had a computer at the house for some time now, and much as i am not ashamed of anything ive ever done, there is a certain normal taboo about sitting at the very public library with big bright pink and white screen wallpapered with naked pictures of yourself. call me old-fashioned, it didnt appeal to me.
so! how are we all? i have had a number of major changes in my life in the past several months. i went through a pretty rough period in vegas (which is where i was when i last wrote in this blog) and came out of it with the opinion that i had been spending so much time preparing for and dreaming of my much more tolerable future that it had become quite costly to my present, which is in fact the only thing that is real. i wanted to go to school in italy and was virtually destroying myself to get there, when all along i should have relaxed, had more patience, and worked on my art more religiously. so i made a decision to take care of my present tense, and got the fuck out of vegas. i hated living there. i hated dancing there and i was tired of needing more money all the time.
i sold my car and drove a uhaul back to portland with swami meowing most the way. man, when i was younger i couldnt wait to get the hell out of portland. now that im back i have an infinitely better perspective of its inherent uniqueness, and i appreciate it so much more. i feel really good being here, and i am happily reunited with some people ive loved and missed for years.
i felt like doing something different, so i started driving a taxi cab. i love it. the stories at night on the weekends, my god. drunk people can be really fkn entertaining. gives me plenty of fresh writing material.
im still planning on going to school this year, but im starting here and i can transfer to italy or wherever later. so there 's the update.

this moment, it is the last bit of dusk and from my old wide windows i watch the west hills light up with amber electrical stars and the neighbor across the street in the second floor apartment is peeling that gross clear fatty layer off a chicken breast hes obviously planning to have for dinner. the shopping cart lady is loudly wheeling away the bottles and cans from my building's recycling bin and mumbling to herself. swami is napping under the couch and i am waiting for my tea water to whistle.

as i mentioned before, all my old emails were erased. therefore if you are a friend reading this, or particularly if you are interested in working with me (modelling, film, promos, etc.) please email me again (same address) because i never received anything you may have sent before. i am especially interested in business proposals and opportunities at the moment because i have a fairly overwhelming amount of bills right now and would like to make some money!! so flood me with offers!! hahaha......
anyway im actually enthused to be online again and i will be pretty consistent with it now that i am more or less settle for a while. so have a wonderful warm summer night.....