marvi

EDIT:
now that im just a tiny less hott an bothered i will sorta explain

i leave today for college i mean i will be back in the city for work on the weekends but i didnt wanna go off to school without doing where do me and him go now so i was talking to his bestfriend and my lover theresa and was telling her what happened this saturday since i hadnt been able to talk to her since then and i decided to text him and ask him what happens now...
his 1st response was "school maddy thats where you need to focus on nothing else but that" and i reply "yes i know i leave tomorrow and i wont be able to focus if this whole thing is still in like the clouds i need to know" [ so maybe i asked for it?!?! NO BECAUSE LAST TIME I FUCKKING CHECK I NEVER MADE A MOVE ON HIM INFACT LAST SATURDAY THE LAST TIME WE FOOLED AROUND I TOLD HIM THIS COULDNT HAPPEN AGAIN AND MY TEARS CAME OUT BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO HAPPEN BUT I WAS SCARED OF THIS...] so then he replies " nuttin is gonna happen and you know what im sorry." yea i just simply replied " its ok i just needed to know and yea i bet you r sorry" [yea by the time i finished reading that i was crying because it hurt and it bothered i told him for the GET dont get into anything your not sure you want...imagine if i would have fucked him I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIS ASS NEVER SPOKEN TO HIM AGAIN IN MY LIFE EVERRR.....

because you have to understand this past saturday we had a talk and i asked him if he was truly over his ex and he just looked me in the eye and said yes i am i will always love her but shes no longer the same girl i had fallen inlove with. and i knew it was sincerly that it came from deep within cuz i could just tell in his eyes you know...and then i ask him why do you do this you dont even like me.....and his reply was silent at 1st and then he just looked at me again and was like if i didnt like you this wouldnt be happening...soo sweet right NOOO HIS AN ASSHOLE JUST LIKE THE REST AND THE 1ST TIME I SAID LETS KEEP IT AS FRIENDS BOTHERED ME BUT DIDNT HURT ME LIKE THIS TIME AND ALL CUZ OF THAT STUPID TALK ON SATURDAY ALL THE THINGS WE SPOKE ABOUT THAT IM SOO NOT GOING INTO DETAIL ABOUT RIGHT NOW...IT JUST PLAIN OUT BOTHERS HURTS...GETS ME MAD....WHY BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I DIDNT WANT TO HAPPEN THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO FUKING BITCH AND THE FUNNY THING IS I KNOW WHEN I SEE HIM AT WORK IM JUST GONNA WANNA HUG HIM AND IM GONNA WANT HIM TO HUG ME CUZ HIS HUGS FEEL SOO SECURE SOO SAFE....AND RIGHT NOW I HATE MYSELF JUST FOR WANTING THAT.....