I'm having one of those days where everything is literally conspiring against me.
I have a short essay due Monday evening - only 500 words, I have 150 left to write to summarise a relevant case study in an example of my discussion topic. No matter what search terms I use, however, in any search engine, the only results I'm getting are explanations of how to achieve the results rather than examples of the results. I need examples.
That's really frustrating, but not that much. I raged a little at Google for being shit, and waved my arms about a little too... managed to clip the tip of a finger against the blades of a pedestal fan I have sitting right next to me (I take the safety covers off because I can't stand having to clean the dust out of them - I knew the risks, and I still stand by that decision). Split the tip of my finger open doing that.
Additionally, I have sinusitis. Not long after cleaning up the cut, it decided to make an "attack" and suddenly, every single air passage that keeps me alive became semi blocked with mucus - enough to annoy the crap out of me, not enough for me to clear it effectively using muscles alone. So, I have to use drugs - the drugs make me drowsy. When I'm drowsy, I can't focus. When I can't focus, I can't write essays.
On top of that, my autism makes me hypersensitive to everything except smell (smoking helped me fix that problem). I can see tiny insignificant details from incredible distances, or make them out with the worst resolution (I once helped the police identify a shoplifter from the terrible footage that the Kmart I was working for had captured of him). It's about the only boon of hypersensitivity.
The downsides? I can hear everything. I simply can't sleep unless my room is airtight and soundproofed. It's why I also suffer from insomnia - it's too expensive to soundproof and airtighten a bedroom. It's not that I don't sleep at all... but I struggle. There are sounds that I find help me sleep, though, like some light classical music playing in the background. But the neighbours have the most incredibly disruptive pool pump next door that makes this really high pitched whine that apparently, only I can hear.
Why is hypersensitivity relevant? Because it also makes me more irritable. A tiny thing like a bit of hair falling in my face can trigger an explosive reaction. Do you wear a turtleneck? I can't wear anything around my neck, not even a collared shirt with a tied tie. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and irritable. I have, however, been learning how to shut these sensations out. Gradually. But if I'm already annoyed by something, just one little irritation can put me in dynamite mode. When it's my sinuses playing up, a frequent irritation that occurs is the rest of my face becomes incredibly itchy to the point where I can actually end up scratching until it bleeds. Sorry if that's a gross image, but how do you think I feel? I can actually wind up in tears, I've even been to the point of becoming suicidal just because I can't clear my damn throat - whatever is down there, as mentioned, is just enough to become a tedious irritant, but not built up enough for it to actually clear, so I try and try and try to clear it, with no results.
And it all just makes me want to scream.
As a side note, however, due to my hair deciding to piss me off again today, it got hacked off momentarily. It was both a pleasure and a relief to actually be able to do something about the things that have been irritating me today. And somehow... I'm not sure how.... I managed to do a half decent job of it. I would put up a photo... but I'm shy.
I have a short essay due Monday evening - only 500 words, I have 150 left to write to summarise a relevant case study in an example of my discussion topic. No matter what search terms I use, however, in any search engine, the only results I'm getting are explanations of how to achieve the results rather than examples of the results. I need examples.
That's really frustrating, but not that much. I raged a little at Google for being shit, and waved my arms about a little too... managed to clip the tip of a finger against the blades of a pedestal fan I have sitting right next to me (I take the safety covers off because I can't stand having to clean the dust out of them - I knew the risks, and I still stand by that decision). Split the tip of my finger open doing that.
Additionally, I have sinusitis. Not long after cleaning up the cut, it decided to make an "attack" and suddenly, every single air passage that keeps me alive became semi blocked with mucus - enough to annoy the crap out of me, not enough for me to clear it effectively using muscles alone. So, I have to use drugs - the drugs make me drowsy. When I'm drowsy, I can't focus. When I can't focus, I can't write essays.
On top of that, my autism makes me hypersensitive to everything except smell (smoking helped me fix that problem). I can see tiny insignificant details from incredible distances, or make them out with the worst resolution (I once helped the police identify a shoplifter from the terrible footage that the Kmart I was working for had captured of him). It's about the only boon of hypersensitivity.
The downsides? I can hear everything. I simply can't sleep unless my room is airtight and soundproofed. It's why I also suffer from insomnia - it's too expensive to soundproof and airtighten a bedroom. It's not that I don't sleep at all... but I struggle. There are sounds that I find help me sleep, though, like some light classical music playing in the background. But the neighbours have the most incredibly disruptive pool pump next door that makes this really high pitched whine that apparently, only I can hear.
Why is hypersensitivity relevant? Because it also makes me more irritable. A tiny thing like a bit of hair falling in my face can trigger an explosive reaction. Do you wear a turtleneck? I can't wear anything around my neck, not even a collared shirt with a tied tie. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and irritable. I have, however, been learning how to shut these sensations out. Gradually. But if I'm already annoyed by something, just one little irritation can put me in dynamite mode. When it's my sinuses playing up, a frequent irritation that occurs is the rest of my face becomes incredibly itchy to the point where I can actually end up scratching until it bleeds. Sorry if that's a gross image, but how do you think I feel? I can actually wind up in tears, I've even been to the point of becoming suicidal just because I can't clear my damn throat - whatever is down there, as mentioned, is just enough to become a tedious irritant, but not built up enough for it to actually clear, so I try and try and try to clear it, with no results.
And it all just makes me want to scream.
As a side note, however, due to my hair deciding to piss me off again today, it got hacked off momentarily. It was both a pleasure and a relief to actually be able to do something about the things that have been irritating me today. And somehow... I'm not sure how.... I managed to do a half decent job of it. I would put up a photo... but I'm shy.