So there I was friday night... back in Wetaskiwin. Once again I should state that it was not by choice. I despise that little den of filth, as does every one who escaped its clutches. But I was once again pulled in by bonds of friend ship, like a small comet caught in a black holes gravity, hurtling towards inescapable doom.
My good friend Ian was on leave from the army and back in town visiting his parents. He and our pal Junck, (yes that's his real name) wanted to hit the bar with the old crew Friday night. A night to be filled with intoxication and various forms of debauchery. I recommend many a pub and watering hole in Edmonton, Red Deer, even Camrose, but no, they wanted to hang in Wetaskiwin because it was the local high school grad night, and the temptation of 18 year old pussy was to great to ignore. This was only the first in a long line of mistakes we made.
10:00 We decided to hit the bar early, thus we could capitalize on "Power Hour". I'm not sure if this is something that happens at other bars, as I usually don't got out until midnight, but at our local dive from 10:00 to 11:00 you can purchase a jug of any mixed drink for about $5. We happy.
10:30 I now remember why this place is so goddamed boring. Its packed with wiggers and mullets. The music might have been cool around the mid 90's. Further more the only women in the place are old skanks. Don't get me wrong now, I love cougars, but these are the old worn out whores who have been here every friday for the last 25 years, and man does it ever show. I decide to power drink until this place seems cool.
11:00I'm on my third jug of Rye & Coke. My judgment is most definetly impaired, as evidenced by my shameless flirting with women who likely carry more disease than Sadams Bio-weapons division. Oh yeah, I'm feeling it.
11:15 While shooting pool I run into a girl I went to school with. She's pretty cute so I hand off my pool que, and try my best at drunken flirting. It isn't pretty. I say all the wrong things when I'm sober. So imagine if you will how charming I am when half my brain is off line. But to my surprise, she giggles, she flirts, she returns my inappropriate groping.... she's smashed. JACKPOT! I love it when they're already drunk, it saves so much time and money.
12:00 We've both finished another jug of hard liquor which may or may not have contained mix. Her girlfriends get into an argument while trying to decide who among them has the best boobs. It is determined that I alone can settle this, and I am told to squeeze and weigh each set, then name the winner. It occurs to me that I might not be the only one here who's inhibitions have taken a vacation.
12:23 Having done my duty as tit judge, and naming my old friend the clear winner. We have a seat and bullshit about old times. She tells me a wonderful story, about how she would have fucked my brains out a couple years back had I not totally fucked it up. I am thrilled with the direction this is going. How ever she follows that up by saying, had I not been a tongue tied coward that night, she would not be with her current boyfriend.... Well shit. I cant say I saw that coming. But fuck it, I've got this much time invested, I might as well keep at it.
1:00ish Ian and I are still talking to the girl with the boyfriend(at this point I cant remember why), when Jason walks over and informs us that there are a half dozen or so guys here who want to kick the shit out of him. I am less than surprised. Jason is the ultimate shit disturber, he can enter a room and have half the crowd mad enough to kill him in a 30 minutes or less. Funniest part is he doesn't actually do it on purpose, he is just one of those people who never realize they are pushing every button in reach. I am not surprised by any of this, I am how ever delighted.
Whiskey makes me violent as a rule. Combine that with the anger I fell after spending all night chasing one specific pussy that I have no chance with, and I become 10' tall and bullet proof. Show me a target.
I'll quit with the time bullets now because from that point forward the flow of time gets fuzzy.
Jason gestures towards the center of the bar, an area populated by at least 20 people at the moment. I ask him to be more specific Unfortunately the fellow who had called him on had faded into the crowd, and Jay didn't really get a good look at his wingmen. We realize that we could likely be dealing with an ambush situation involving and unknown number of aggressors. Looking around I see my pals stripping off rings, piercings, chains, and dog tags. Rule 1, don't give an enemy any potential handholds. Thank god the one night I'm facing unknown odds, from unknown aggressors, I have a pack of trained killers at my back.
While I was stashing my watch and other metal bits, this guy in a polo shirt and spiked hair came walking up to me. This looks exactly like some one Jason would have pissed off. I'm preparing myself for the battle, the sinew is tight, the blood is up, and I'm reaching back for my pool que just as he says, "Hey man, I just want you to know I'm a friend of Juncks when the shit goes down, so... umm, yeah don't kill me."
I literally fell down I was laughing so hard. I have never really considered my self to be all that intimidating, but this fucker went out of his way to ensure I wouldn't target him. That was probably the best moment of the entire night.
We try to lay out a battle plan for a few minutes, but between the overly loud music, and our reduced reasoning capabilities this proves impossible. In the end we decide to wander the floor until they spring on us, and then just take it from there. I don't know how long we searched the crowd but it became pretty obvious that every one here is just a lot of talk. Fuck! Could this night get any more boring, we can't even get into a brawl! Later on Jason gets a call about a party a couple towns south. I'm to drunk and pissed to care, Jason however really wants to go.In the end we compromise, he is gonna head to the party and I'm gonna sleep in the box of his truck. As we're leaving the bar, those fuckers who were calling for Jays blood emerge from the crowd and call out "PUSSIES" (oh how very original). Finally I can vent my aggression, I spin around to deal out death and torment, but through some form of Wigger magic they have once again evaporated into the crowd. Great. What a night, bad music, crap whiskey, no play, and no action.
I hate this town. I hate it so very very much.
My good friend Ian was on leave from the army and back in town visiting his parents. He and our pal Junck, (yes that's his real name) wanted to hit the bar with the old crew Friday night. A night to be filled with intoxication and various forms of debauchery. I recommend many a pub and watering hole in Edmonton, Red Deer, even Camrose, but no, they wanted to hang in Wetaskiwin because it was the local high school grad night, and the temptation of 18 year old pussy was to great to ignore. This was only the first in a long line of mistakes we made.
10:00 We decided to hit the bar early, thus we could capitalize on "Power Hour". I'm not sure if this is something that happens at other bars, as I usually don't got out until midnight, but at our local dive from 10:00 to 11:00 you can purchase a jug of any mixed drink for about $5. We happy.
10:30 I now remember why this place is so goddamed boring. Its packed with wiggers and mullets. The music might have been cool around the mid 90's. Further more the only women in the place are old skanks. Don't get me wrong now, I love cougars, but these are the old worn out whores who have been here every friday for the last 25 years, and man does it ever show. I decide to power drink until this place seems cool.
11:00I'm on my third jug of Rye & Coke. My judgment is most definetly impaired, as evidenced by my shameless flirting with women who likely carry more disease than Sadams Bio-weapons division. Oh yeah, I'm feeling it.
11:15 While shooting pool I run into a girl I went to school with. She's pretty cute so I hand off my pool que, and try my best at drunken flirting. It isn't pretty. I say all the wrong things when I'm sober. So imagine if you will how charming I am when half my brain is off line. But to my surprise, she giggles, she flirts, she returns my inappropriate groping.... she's smashed. JACKPOT! I love it when they're already drunk, it saves so much time and money.
12:00 We've both finished another jug of hard liquor which may or may not have contained mix. Her girlfriends get into an argument while trying to decide who among them has the best boobs. It is determined that I alone can settle this, and I am told to squeeze and weigh each set, then name the winner. It occurs to me that I might not be the only one here who's inhibitions have taken a vacation.
12:23 Having done my duty as tit judge, and naming my old friend the clear winner. We have a seat and bullshit about old times. She tells me a wonderful story, about how she would have fucked my brains out a couple years back had I not totally fucked it up. I am thrilled with the direction this is going. How ever she follows that up by saying, had I not been a tongue tied coward that night, she would not be with her current boyfriend.... Well shit. I cant say I saw that coming. But fuck it, I've got this much time invested, I might as well keep at it.
1:00ish Ian and I are still talking to the girl with the boyfriend(at this point I cant remember why), when Jason walks over and informs us that there are a half dozen or so guys here who want to kick the shit out of him. I am less than surprised. Jason is the ultimate shit disturber, he can enter a room and have half the crowd mad enough to kill him in a 30 minutes or less. Funniest part is he doesn't actually do it on purpose, he is just one of those people who never realize they are pushing every button in reach. I am not surprised by any of this, I am how ever delighted.
Whiskey makes me violent as a rule. Combine that with the anger I fell after spending all night chasing one specific pussy that I have no chance with, and I become 10' tall and bullet proof. Show me a target.
I'll quit with the time bullets now because from that point forward the flow of time gets fuzzy.
Jason gestures towards the center of the bar, an area populated by at least 20 people at the moment. I ask him to be more specific Unfortunately the fellow who had called him on had faded into the crowd, and Jay didn't really get a good look at his wingmen. We realize that we could likely be dealing with an ambush situation involving and unknown number of aggressors. Looking around I see my pals stripping off rings, piercings, chains, and dog tags. Rule 1, don't give an enemy any potential handholds. Thank god the one night I'm facing unknown odds, from unknown aggressors, I have a pack of trained killers at my back.
While I was stashing my watch and other metal bits, this guy in a polo shirt and spiked hair came walking up to me. This looks exactly like some one Jason would have pissed off. I'm preparing myself for the battle, the sinew is tight, the blood is up, and I'm reaching back for my pool que just as he says, "Hey man, I just want you to know I'm a friend of Juncks when the shit goes down, so... umm, yeah don't kill me."
I literally fell down I was laughing so hard. I have never really considered my self to be all that intimidating, but this fucker went out of his way to ensure I wouldn't target him. That was probably the best moment of the entire night.
We try to lay out a battle plan for a few minutes, but between the overly loud music, and our reduced reasoning capabilities this proves impossible. In the end we decide to wander the floor until they spring on us, and then just take it from there. I don't know how long we searched the crowd but it became pretty obvious that every one here is just a lot of talk. Fuck! Could this night get any more boring, we can't even get into a brawl! Later on Jason gets a call about a party a couple towns south. I'm to drunk and pissed to care, Jason however really wants to go.In the end we compromise, he is gonna head to the party and I'm gonna sleep in the box of his truck. As we're leaving the bar, those fuckers who were calling for Jays blood emerge from the crowd and call out "PUSSIES" (oh how very original). Finally I can vent my aggression, I spin around to deal out death and torment, but through some form of Wigger magic they have once again evaporated into the crowd. Great. What a night, bad music, crap whiskey, no play, and no action.
I hate this town. I hate it so very very much.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
rin:
ha!! actually, no. she is an attractive girl, if i remember correctly! it sucks that you didn't get any pussay, but them's the breaks.
rosita:
I told you to leave that one alone... I know EXACTLY who you are talking about. I don't know how I am just reading this blog now but it is fucking hysterical! Maybe it is just because I know all of you and can get some pretty awesome visuals, but this was a decent post. Very tucker maxish.