I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. Actually, I have slept fine, I'm just not feeling rested because I'm having very vivid dreams. I've always been one to remember my dreams in great detail (my mom doesn't remember hers, wierd) but the last few nights is even moreso than normal.

A few nights ago, I woke up screaming. Well, screaming in that half scream of dreams where it just wont come out right. I was dreaming about Helicopters. the wierd thing about my fear of Aircrafts is that I'm NOT scared of flying! I'm just afraid of seeing planes and choppers from the OUTSIDE/on the ground. I have no idea why. One memory that I have from my childhood that is very vivid is of a helicopter landing on our house and my dad and I going outside and yelling at the pilot. I KNOW that this memory is not real but it FEELS real. What really happened was a low flying helicopter flew over head and scared the crap out of me when I was very little.

My parents even took me to Buchanan Field (a local small airport) but I wouldn't go through the gate. Even the grounded planes scared me. Like I viewed them as predators that could hurt me. I HATE seeing planes in the sky, but especially helicopters. When I see them I feel like I have to watch them until they are out of site. The sound is the worst part though. I was in my house a few days ago and low flying plane went by and I had to cover my ears and my eyes got all teary. The worst thing was back in August, I was with Ben going to Ikea...on the way to Ikea the freeway is level with the roof of Children's Hospital Oakland where there is a landing pad. Well a Helicopter was coming in for a landing and flew right over our car and FREAKED OUT! and totally started crying. I was laughing too because I know that my fear is totally irrational.

What I don't understand is, with this huge irrational fear of planes in the sky...why am I not afraid of flying???