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mariesanluis

Member Since 2003

Followers 15 Following 9

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Wednesday Jul 28, 2004

Jul 27, 2004
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I'm awake at 2am, playing that game where I lay in bed and think about someone I love dying in a car accident. Getting the call, having to call reletives. how would i react? would the person die instantly or die a little while later in the hospital. Who would they be thinking of while dieing? Me? Thier boyfriend or girlfriend, thier mom? Are they scared?

Tonight it is my sister. I know its cuz i'm scared of her drive down from oregon. It's nights like these that i wonder how I even manage to leave the house. Or let anyone i love leave the house. It's nights like this that i think i really may need back in to a mental health program.

A couple weeks ago she almost got hit by a car. Of course i can't help but thing of what could have happened. I don't know what i would do if i lost her. I don't think i'd kill myself, it wouldnt be fair to my mom or to ben or my dad. But i do really think i'd end up in a hospital, in need of some heavy medication.

I need to stop this. I wish she was online right now, I dont know what i'd say. Just make sure she knows how much i love her.

She'd probably just think i was being crazy. And as much as she would hate to hear me say it. I feel like i need to watch Little Women. haha.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
ojaeflo:
I don't really know what to suggest other than to stop dwelling on things that aren't happening. You're thinking about these hypothetical situations, then you perpetuate it by writing about it (not to imply that we don't want to hear from you). You'd be amazed with the power of occasionally just taking a deep breath or two when the nerves are getting frayed, especially when you're in bed.

I remember a time when I thought the world would no longer exist if I lost a parent, yet here I am, 12 years removed from the passing of my father, and life has certainly gone on for everyone.

kiss love kiss love kiss
Jul 28, 2004
mariesanluis:
Writing helps, it always have. which is why i wrote it...
Jul 28, 2004

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