I'm awake at 2am, playing that game where I lay in bed and think about someone I love dying in a car accident. Getting the call, having to call reletives. how would i react? would the person die instantly or die a little while later in the hospital. Who would they be thinking of while dieing? Me? Thier boyfriend or girlfriend, thier mom? Are they scared?
Tonight it is my sister. I know its cuz i'm scared of her drive down from oregon. It's nights like these that i wonder how I even manage to leave the house. Or let anyone i love leave the house. It's nights like this that i think i really may need back in to a mental health program.
A couple weeks ago she almost got hit by a car. Of course i can't help but thing of what could have happened. I don't know what i would do if i lost her. I don't think i'd kill myself, it wouldnt be fair to my mom or to ben or my dad. But i do really think i'd end up in a hospital, in need of some heavy medication.
I need to stop this. I wish she was online right now, I dont know what i'd say. Just make sure she knows how much i love her.
She'd probably just think i was being crazy. And as much as she would hate to hear me say it. I feel like i need to watch Little Women. haha.
Tonight it is my sister. I know its cuz i'm scared of her drive down from oregon. It's nights like these that i wonder how I even manage to leave the house. Or let anyone i love leave the house. It's nights like this that i think i really may need back in to a mental health program.
A couple weeks ago she almost got hit by a car. Of course i can't help but thing of what could have happened. I don't know what i would do if i lost her. I don't think i'd kill myself, it wouldnt be fair to my mom or to ben or my dad. But i do really think i'd end up in a hospital, in need of some heavy medication.
I need to stop this. I wish she was online right now, I dont know what i'd say. Just make sure she knows how much i love her.
She'd probably just think i was being crazy. And as much as she would hate to hear me say it. I feel like i need to watch Little Women. haha.
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I remember a time when I thought the world would no longer exist if I lost a parent, yet here I am, 12 years removed from the passing of my father, and life has certainly gone on for everyone.