I've never understood people who can recount their dreams in a linear narrative. Mine shift and slide like an hallucinogenic kaleidoscope.
I woke up this morning with all sorts of images waltzing through my head. The one that remains is this... I found Charles, he was working with wood, making beautiful shelves and ledges in a shop. I was kissing his throat, the muscles and protruding Adam's apple. I stopped myself and he said he could see what I wanted. The dream slipped and slid and Charles was buying me Whisky in a bar. He didn't like the service so when we left he didn't pay, we had to run to get to his car. Next we were on a beach. There were birds, like a cross between a puffin, a toucan, and a dodo. I had to get to the other side of the beach, but as I started walking I kept nearly stepping on the birds, they were nesting in the sand. The beach was steep, and I was walking in the water so as not to disturb the birds. I apologised to them as I walked "Sorry, sorry for disturbing your sleep. Sorry."
So last night we had this ridiculous conversation. He thinks he is incapable of fidelity. He doesn't want to promise that he wll be faithful, he says he can't. He thinks he is being honest.
I feel kinda cold about the whole thing now. I don't know why I would subject myself to this. I know that trying to change someone is a doomed venture. And with that understood then what is the point? I just don't understand why my self-respect hasn't kicked in and told the guy to shove it.
I just want it to be real. But this doesn't feel mighty real. And yet I will give this a chance, and see where it goes. I guess I am in a better position now, if it goes tit's up I won't be so heartbroken.
I woke up this morning with all sorts of images waltzing through my head. The one that remains is this... I found Charles, he was working with wood, making beautiful shelves and ledges in a shop. I was kissing his throat, the muscles and protruding Adam's apple. I stopped myself and he said he could see what I wanted. The dream slipped and slid and Charles was buying me Whisky in a bar. He didn't like the service so when we left he didn't pay, we had to run to get to his car. Next we were on a beach. There were birds, like a cross between a puffin, a toucan, and a dodo. I had to get to the other side of the beach, but as I started walking I kept nearly stepping on the birds, they were nesting in the sand. The beach was steep, and I was walking in the water so as not to disturb the birds. I apologised to them as I walked "Sorry, sorry for disturbing your sleep. Sorry."
So last night we had this ridiculous conversation. He thinks he is incapable of fidelity. He doesn't want to promise that he wll be faithful, he says he can't. He thinks he is being honest.
I feel kinda cold about the whole thing now. I don't know why I would subject myself to this. I know that trying to change someone is a doomed venture. And with that understood then what is the point? I just don't understand why my self-respect hasn't kicked in and told the guy to shove it.
I just want it to be real. But this doesn't feel mighty real. And yet I will give this a chance, and see where it goes. I guess I am in a better position now, if it goes tit's up I won't be so heartbroken.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I agree, dreams are not linear. For me it is like a pile of photographs depicting people, symbols, actions, and events. The photographs are then tossed into the air and read as layers back and forth and up and down.
charles is selling himself short. he's reducing himself, making himself smaller and less important. it's a subtle slave mentality. the slave says: i will be good to you and devoted to you, but it is in my nature to escape because as you know, i am a slave and crave freedom. i don't know why some men reduce themselves and their capacity to love in this way. sometimes it's the only way they know how to find some intimacy. at any rate, you'd be wise to tell charles he deserves the devoted love of woman, even if it won't necessarily be yours.
cheers.