I met a girl a month before I left on my first campaign to the Gulf of Mexico, to research the effects of the Deepwater Horizon blowout on the Apex predator of the Gulf, the Sperm Whale. We stayed in contact daily over the course of the five-month campaign, even sexting and sending each other naked pics. The month we spent together was crazy, the sex was mind blowing and we just got each other, it was weird to connect with someone like that in such a short space of time, mentally and physically. The night before I flew to the States I slept alone in my old flat, she couldn't bare to see me go so she stayed at hers, the night before she had asked me to stay but I had made a commitment and had to follow through. She knew I was leaving.
After the campaign, just before I got back home I was asked to fly to Melbourne Australia to crew on one of our vessels while she was in port for the summer, I would be away for another five months or so, but we spent six weeks together, even more intense than the first month. Before I left she asked me once again to stay, but I left, and before I did she said she wasn't going to wait for me. I couldn't honestly ask her to do so, it would be unfair, a relationship needs two people to be together to work, I had feelings for her, but my other commitment was more important to me.
So I flew to Australia, then transferred to another ship in New Zealand, we spent xmas and new years in the Antarctic, which was so awesome, myself and the girl kept in contact via email. On valentine’s day I transferred at sea to another vessel off the south east coast of South Africa and we tailed an illegal fishing vessel all up the west coast of Africa, before she scuttled herself near the equator off the coast of Sao Tome and Principe in an effort to get rid of the evidence of their illegal fishing, we rescued her crew and delivered them to authorities. The captain and engineers were charged and convicted of illegally sinking their vessel and currently sit in prison in a third world country for their efforts.
I then got an email that the girl had met someone that made her happy and I was quite stoked for her cause she deserves happiness; she is that awesome.
And I left it at that.
We then headed for Bremen Germany and arrived in early May. I was going to take some time off and head home to work and make some money, spend time with friends and relax, five months at sea working seven days a week takes its toll on the body, but I was asked to go to Hamburg a few days after setting foot on land for their iconic harbour festival, it was awesome, I even managed to get picked up and have a one-night stand, weird things happen, the sex wasn’t that great to be honest.
So a couple of days before I was scheduled to fly home to London I got asked if I would do another campaign, a whale defence campaign in the Faroe Islands, of course I agreed, I had nothing to go home to, no one waiting for my return, Sea Shepherd is now my home.
But I managed to get six days off over my birthday and headed to Brighton to spend it with my best friend who had moved there from London. The girl and I chatted briefly via whatsapp and she said we should hang out and grab a coffee, it never happened, c'est la vie.
Another three months on campaign and I'm once again in Bremen Germany, I get seven days off and head to the UK to hang out with my two best friends, get a curious message from the girl "Am I happy?" Well yeah I reply, but I could always be happier, I enquire to her well-being and job/uni/life but nothing, no reply.
I fly back to Bremen, I have a permanent position with Sea Shepherd and I'm working fucking hard to keep it. The ship I'm deployed on is scheduled to transit to Marseille France, we depart and encounter very heavy weather in the English Channel and make a stop in Dartmouth England after our tender and satellite uplink were sheared off by a freak wave. Repairs made after a week and we make way again, eventually stopping in Cartagena Spain before crossing the Gulf de Leon to Marseille. My curiosity gets the better of me and I message the girl asking why she didn’t reply to my enquiries about her, she says it's difficult to talk casually with me and she can't fathom how I find it so easy to talk to her platonically.
Against my better judgement I penned and email to her a couple of days ago saying I couldn't just not talk to her, I felt like I was losing a friend, the reason I found it easy to talk to her was because I was very comfortable with her. She messaged me back asking what I wanted her to do, to which I replied that it wasn't my place to make any demands or tell someone how to live. She still couldn't understand how I found it so easy to talk platonically with her and she said there was stuff going on which made it difficult to talk to me, she asked me yet again if I was happy, I gave her the same reply as the first time. So I've left it at that, it's none of my concern, I just said that if she ever felt like she could talk to me again and needed someone to listen that I would be there.
I actually feel like a bit of a dick now, am I being unfair on her? Should I just leave her be and let her get on with her life?
So here I sit in Marseille, a little too fucking horny on the ship I’m deployed on outside a Museum at the Old Harbour.
In other news, it’s quite liberating closing your Facebook and Instagram accounts, learning to communicate with people again is proving quite a challenge, actually talking to them and writing well-constructed emails and letters instead of a single line in a comment box or a like button. We have lost the art of communication in this web wide world.
Sorry for all these words, but I just had a bunch of them in my head and needed them out
