Recently I was remembering a year ago when I was going out with this girl, it was long distance since I was studying abroad and she was back in my country, I knew her for a long time but hadn't really talked until late 2020, we just clicked, we talked a lot about life, her job and her life, one night she called me from a birthday party and told me that she could tell that I liked her and that she liked me too, so I told her if we should start dating and remain exclusive, we agreed on a two day period for this, after that we kept talking but for longer, since she does not sleep that much.
At the time (November ) I was at the finishing stages of my final project at my game design course, it had been particularly hard because I was directing the team and one of the team members was being horrible to work with even making the whole project be a very generic and empty game, with a lot of things other tam members made needing to be removed.
I was talking with the girl every night when she was out of work and I was free, we played games, watch movies through discord and even had dates in Animal Crossing, it truly helped me a lot with the stress from the project and I really liked her, we talked a lot that it had been way too long since she had gone to MacDonald's, and at the time she was finishing a diet so she would wait for me so we could go to MacDonald's and get her first burger after her diet was finished, so I finally graduated and headed back home a couple of days I set up to go out with her, I didn't care about the Jet lag or anything I was going to do as I promised and I would take her to eat the burger she wanted, were we have said, also we were going to give our christmas gifts to each other, so that day I went and Picked her up, she seemed a little down but I was anxious to see her and very happy I could finally do so, we went and eat, she was not really in a mood to talk to me even though I tried to talk about all the things we had talked or I knew I could ask, but she was shutting all topics down, so we went back to her house and I left her, a couple of days later she told me it was better if we stopped seeing each other, because we where in such different points in our lives that it was not going to work out, I respected her opinion and said it was fine, even if I felt bad about things just ending after one date.
A couple of weeks went by, I was checking at her profile and saw her answer a question about what had gone wrong in her last date, it had no mention of me but I knew it was about our date, she said, that I didn't talk at all and that I was so overly excited she felt that I already wanted to married and shit, so that she concluded there was no chemistry, this made me very upset, since we had dated long distance for almost 2 months and we wanted to see each other so much, it was weird but I just tried to brush it off, I was not going to text her about it.
a month passed since things ended and I though maybe it is enough time to just chat a little, keep thing as friends, since we had a lot of friends in common, and like so things in common, we never ended on bad terms so I messaged her about this sporting event I knew she really liked, but all I got was a very passive aggressive text telling me that she already knew everything about it and that I was just not knowledgeable enough on the subject, a week after this she unfriended me from Facebook.
I am writing this more as a way to try and finally let things go, since for me it is very difficult to have this kinds of emotional connections and even though I feel I could have done more things, at the moment I was not in the right mental space to do so, but that has not stopped me from feeling very guilty for ruining things or maybe making her feel bad or unsupported.