manichat

I was thinking back just now on how I got here - to CA. I grew up in a small town in Texas where everyone knew everything about everyone. You could go shopping at the grocery store and the cashier would notice something like cat food and say, 'so you got yourself a new cat.' Things like that. We left our doors unlocked...the guy who mowed your gas could just walk in and grab a drink when you weren't there and it was perfectly ok. My parents got an alarm system on the house and it was for keeping an eye on my brother and me not for security reasons.....the alarm would sound or make beeping noises whenever anything was opened.....meaning my brother and I couldn't sneak out in our highschool years...[even though we found one window on the second floor that was not attached - it was only 2ftx1.5ft opening but it was at the very least.....a way out. It was getting back in that was hard.....climbing back up to the second story sucks when you are drunk or whatever. I can not even tell you how many times a girlfriend would stay the night, we'd sneal out and she would just get toooooooo wasted and basically I would just leave her there for there was no way in hell she was going to make the climb.....anyhoooooooooos] yeah - that is basically the town I grew up in. My brother once had to stay in 'jail' over the weekend, to be taught a lesson.....and they cops made him wash all their cars. Once he was finished, he went to go back in the station....but he was locked out. So he went to the Sonic across the way, ordered a cherry limade and call them. After a fedw tries ...they answered and he said, 'ya this is *****, I am finished with the cars but I could not get back in so I am over across the street having a cherry limade....." they stated something back like 'well, come on back over when you are done." Small town shit started to bug me after awhile. I hated everyone knowing everything about everyone all the time. They knew if you broke up with your guy with in 10 minutes, knew if you were broke, knew if you were rich, knew everything. I hate it because of this. When everyone knows everything.....all it is is a competion of the Jones's. Who has this or that or whatever. This is why I left.

And it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I made the decision to do it within something like 4-5 days. I decided on a Wednesday or Thursday.....sold everything I ever owned on Friday and Saturday - and I was like .15 for the fork and .10 for the spoon. I sold everything even my car. I packed on Sunday as much as I could and told my mom to box the rest and send it via mail as I got more money. That was it. I left Sunday evening, arrived in SD around the same time I departed because of the time change. And it was done, like that.

Now I did get lucky for another person had gotten there a few weeks before me and was staying with her family in Fallbrook. She had found a place to rent in MB so I did not have to hunt for home. But still, it was the leaving part that was the hardest. I told no one. I didn't want to. I sometimes didn't even believe I was actually doing it while I was doing it. Just ran with it so to speak. My parents even said something to the fact that they would see me in a few months.....meaning I would be back. I thought it as well. But I didn't. I was happier here. It was lonely, I was scared, I knew no one, had no job, no car, no phone.......just me and a few clothes.

For anyone who has or is planning on making the jump for whatever reasons.....I applaud you. It is or will be hard, maybe even the hardest thing you have ever done..........

but it is worth it.

I met a few friends quickly.....one of them ended up being a love of a life time. I will never regret taking that step onto that plane. I do miss a few things that I left behind. My friends whatever - mostly my family. I do miss them from time to time dearly. But I do not ever regret making a decision that freed me.

It let me finally live. Freely and for me. I love it here.