loves.
i am missing them. i am missing the feeling of waking up next to someone's familiar feeling. i am missing knowing smells and waiting for them and later finding some of your things smelling like those familiar smells.
i am tired of waking up next to bodies that are foreign and distant. strangers packed away in my bed, preventing me from making pillow nests and not cooperating and allowing me to nest with them.
i am tired of allowing myself to be nothing more than an object of merely sexual satisfaction, though i do this to myself and know it. these situations are empty and dull and rarely even enjoyable.
i miss morning kisses with sour breath and sleep mouths. i miss boy hands on my soft soft skin in a territorial, knowing manner, not an exploring, learning manner.
why are there no boys lying their heads on my laps and falling asleep while i comb their hair with my fingers? why is there no one sweetly kissing my forehead as they slip out the door in the morning for work?
i want pouty lipped half asleep whispers of "where are you going" when i slip out of the covers for a drink of water. i want gentle "baby let's go to bed"s with gentle shaking when i have fallen asleep in a chair, a book in my lap.
i am missing them. i am missing the feeling of waking up next to someone's familiar feeling. i am missing knowing smells and waiting for them and later finding some of your things smelling like those familiar smells.
i am tired of waking up next to bodies that are foreign and distant. strangers packed away in my bed, preventing me from making pillow nests and not cooperating and allowing me to nest with them.
i am tired of allowing myself to be nothing more than an object of merely sexual satisfaction, though i do this to myself and know it. these situations are empty and dull and rarely even enjoyable.
i miss morning kisses with sour breath and sleep mouths. i miss boy hands on my soft soft skin in a territorial, knowing manner, not an exploring, learning manner.
why are there no boys lying their heads on my laps and falling asleep while i comb their hair with my fingers? why is there no one sweetly kissing my forehead as they slip out the door in the morning for work?
i want pouty lipped half asleep whispers of "where are you going" when i slip out of the covers for a drink of water. i want gentle "baby let's go to bed"s with gentle shaking when i have fallen asleep in a chair, a book in my lap.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
i love you!
But that confusion aside, I enjoy the sentimentalist musing. Realizing one can be a go-getter and at the vanguard, while still tethered to something, in some way, but not tethered as in chained or restrained, just in the sense of connected, that's a dream most don't chase, but should. Permanence means neither settling nor boring, necessarily... Very few realize that. Plus, we tend to greed, and want as many "scalps" for our living memorial to our physical endowment, while neglecting the nougatty soulful center that gets people interested in that physical side in the first place.
(Full disclosure: one of my roommate's is a mimbo. Further, while I am a twinge jealous at the breadth of his bedroom conquests, I know that imitating his style, for me, would spread my mind too thin. I want context, volume, body... (Love for me will apparently be like a good shampoo.))