She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes,
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies,
And she only reveals what she wants you to see.
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me.
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you,
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you,
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free,
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me.
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding,
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be.
Blame it all on yourself cause she's always a woman to me.
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants,
She's ahead of her time.
Oh, and she never gives out and she never gives in,
She just changes her mind.
She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel,
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool,
But she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree,
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me.
rant:
SPOILERS! (Click to view)
i have decided that i hate all beautiful females that 1) i don't know personally, 2)that are straight, and/or 3) that are friends with my boyfriend and i've never heard of them. this is an irrational jealousy, but really, i do hate them all. this only excludes anyone that i am friends with.
i know i am jealous because i feel they have something i don't, and it all stems from being afraid of losing something or not getting something i want, etc. and there is a part of me that wants to be like them, and i rebel that stupid conformist-society-accepted-pretty-girl thing by acting like i don't care, and doing outrageous things to my appearance and i have over time adapted and grown accoustomed to being 'different' that it's a part of me now
But there is still that 14 year old girl inside who wishes her family cared enough to show her how to be feminine and buy her beauty products and nice clothing so she wouldn't look like a total loser and get made fun of for not being pretty enough or cool enough or girly enough. (you don't even want to know the horrbile names i was called)
i was always pretty, it just never showed with my not-styled messy hair, and crappy wal-mart clothes which i only had a couple outfits and had to rewear all year that were not at all fashionable or feminine, and shoes that had holes in them for months before i'd get new ones, and my horrible acne problem that i couldn't cover with make up or afford to clear up because it wasn't something i could purchase nor did i know how to use it til late highschool(still couldn't buy it tho, had to have friends let me use theirs).
so now i don't put value on making myself pretty, and i hate preppy clothing(i rarely find anything i like in any stores that aren't of the thrift/vintage/cheap variety), and i don't spend forever on my looks, and i buy crappy make up, and afterwards i wish i tried harder, but when i don't have money or i'm at the store with a fixed amount to spend it just doesn't seem as important.
i know i'm not ugly, i just with i could have a better sense of girly style, and afford to buy the good products and clothing, and could take the time to make it work.
i know i shouldn't care about that stuff, but it would make me feel better.
Really long response:
I was a t-shirt and jeans, Wal-Mart and Rose's kid. Hand me downs from my sisters were usually too worn out, but I wore them, anyway. I was made fun of for being the "dirty" kid because it was obvious I didn't have many clothes, and some were stained from regular wear (even though they were clean). I didn't really know how to put on makeup until the end of high school, but rarely wore it. My sisters used to comfort me by telling me that when I got to college everyone wore jeans and t-shirts and rarely wore makeup, and that I was just ahead of everyone. Fast-forward to UNC and everyone wears cute little mini skirts and perfect makeup on their perfect skin. And here I am: doughy, wearing t-shirts and jeans, my frizzy hair drawing all the wrong kinds of attention.
It's hard to stay confident... especially when you know that even though your boyfriend loves you, sometimes he might rather imagine screwing one of the hot little sorostitutes than actually screwing you. (This is my own, personal experience) So, I know what you mean, and I'm sorry...
I've dated somebody who thought I was gorgeous, and never really looked at any other women... he was kind, and sweet, and did nice things for me. But I didn't love him. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't. I just have to remind myself that I am awesome, even if I don't always look it. And that I am totally hot, I just don't work as hard for it, mostly because it doesn't matter that much to me. (Except in certain situations.) And I have seen you looking hot, seriously, so no worries there.
Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I know what you mean. It sucks when we feel that way, but we clean up nice when we feel like it/can afford it. As far as makeup goes, I've found that a lightweight foundation that doubles as sunscreen with an eyeshadow shade that brings out your eyes and a lipstick that just barely shows off your lips is all you need. As opposed to having fifty different eye shadows and lipsticks, etc. Maybe darker shades of the same colors for when you're dressing up. That way, you don't have to buy a ton of makeup, and the makeup you have will go with anything, because it's matched to your face, not your wardrobe. I know that sounded like an article out of some teen magazine, but when I discovered that tip, it made makeup much more accessible to me. I was able to afford the pricier stuff because I didn't need that much. I still barely wear it.
I adore you (even though I don't know you well), and wish I had an answer for it all. Society sucks.