malloreigh

I think you're going through something everyone probably has to go through at some point in their twenties. Some places refer to it as the quarter-life crisis. We/you are suddenly hit with the notion that you're now about to live a life of consequence and a life of limited resources. You're now forced to actually choose the kind of life you want to live rather than be energized and made happy by simply having those opportunities.

If you make one choice, you're inevitably going to be giving up other opportunities now and possibly in the future. One is never prepared for the paradox of choice, that paralysis one gets from having to choose.

It's not a bad problem to have, as you probably well know, there are millions of people out there willing to risk their lives to have the problems we're having here in the developed world.

It doesn't mean you should stop what you're doing, or that you have to make any decisions *right now* but it does mean that you're probably better off making *any* decision rather than no decision at all.

I don't know if this helps, but what you've written looks similar to what I've written before (not online though).

This is late in coming so I'm not sure you will see it but i was just scrolling through your blog and was drawn to your words. I'm sure many people have told you that they know how you feel, I can't say I know exactly what you were feeling when you wrote this, noone can truly know the depth and subtlty of what we feel, but I can definitely relate. I'm 32 now and in law school, I have been in school for the last ten years and struggled with choices of following my dreams or being realistic. I have an almost finished Masters in Eastern Religions and I continue to try to ballance my passions with the reality of life and paying the bills. I am never sure if it is logic and decision making, or self doubt and fear that motivate my decisions.

I have struggled with depression from a very young age and your blog reminded me of many of the feelings I associate with depression. As you said, everyone feels these feelings at some point and I firmly believe that everyone experiences some form of depression at some point. The self doubt and self criticism have been a major part of my life and I feel that I have allowed them to hold me back at many points. I know the greatness within me but I am often afraid or too self destructive to embrace it. I think the key for me is to acknowledge the feelings when they arise but try to do something useful with them. It's not easy and it can be paralyzing when you start to think of the things you don't like about yourself and this is compounded when you have to make decisions in this mindframe. I try to remember to listen to my heart and since I believe it usually knows best.

You are not alone and I hope you have more good days than bad. I hope you recognize the beauty within and without and the fact that you clearly have the intelligence and the abillity to make all of your dreams come true, big or small. Nothing hurts me more than to see or hear people who are so amazing, and we all are, feel negative about themselves and what they have and haven't accomplished. There is beauty and wisdom in every move we make, even when we see only negatives at first. I hope the beauty shines through most days and gives you the strength and motivation to accomplish all that you desire and accept the things you don't accomplish as valuable experience and knowledge.

On a happier note, I love the videos and the webpage. I am a cooking enthusiast and I remember how amazed I was with the spoon peeling method for ginger when I learned it so I am glad you sharing such valuable knowledge with the world. I also freeze ginger whole. I can't take credit, I learned from michael smith on food network, lol. You don't even have to peel it and you can grate it into stuff frozen and the skind stays on the outside of the grater, works great when you don't have fresh fresh.

All the best and sorry for the novel but your words caught my eye.

JO