malevuulus

i recently just found out one of my cousins who i don't speak to.(nothing personal-i just don't have the strength to be speaking spanish all the time and remember names and STUFF)is writing a book on the lineage of my family.i guess that implies the colombian and irish sector.out of simple curiosity i'd like to check it out.from what i gather our family is full of writers,artists,musicians,lunatics,and people.there is mild lunacy at best in the artist,musician,writer aspects.i guess with the people part in general there in lies fluctuating degrees of lunacy.one relative lived with the president of chile back in the day(?)but was kept a secret from all and he married someone appropriate to appease the state and she was left to wither in misery and shame.i believe she killed herself.that'll show ol' boy.i know my grandmother owned a salloon in colombia.the raunchy on that would be interesting.

now i've witnessed the jilted and crazy side of my family and some relatives.it's a real slap in the balls i'd say but EVERYBODY'S family is FUCKED UP and don't deny it.makes me feel better-for now.i've seen the artistic side in some of my relatives but it seems as it has always dwindled away in them.once promising then somehow fades. their surroundings that influenced the art also drowned them.i wish not to be this predisposed link of fading hope.i love to paint.i love women.i love to paint women.the fire is there.i just can't feel the full force of it right now.i'm just not fucking inspired.well not fully inspired.not at this moment at least.i've idled blindly unto subservience at times it seemsto be the time to back the fuck up and change the wind around we.colorado's coming soon.will it fleet and disipate?i challenge not the unfolding carpet and its wayward unseen antics but move around it.what the fuck does that mean?40 bucks for a quarter of this ride.well worth the bait.

school is upon me soon.restless is how i breath now more than then.i promise to pay attention this time around cause i have to and want to daggummit.no more skipping school and going to the jungle of headbangers who feast on herb and stolen winn-dixie donuts.no more hanging at that malfurnished apt. and its'' way too old to be hanging out with freshmen degenerates'' owner until it was time for the school buses to drop me the fuck off.now it is time to spongiate and vomit recycled information to someone who would pay me money to do this.i just remembered the little debbie brownie i hid from myself.have to go now.


p.s.-thats my brother in his usual saturday splendor.