Why the Brain Sucks Sometimes
Riding back into Sacramento, I saw an amazing horizon. It was dark and foreboding, housing currents of rain that pelted the ground. I was still stuck in blinding sunlight, so the creepy sight in front of me was somewhat welcoming. Why? It fit my fucking mood, duh...
Also, it reminded me of a moment I had when I was attending Sierra College. Back then, during this particular semester, I had classes that would be hours apart, so I was a slave to my boredom so much that I often times just sat and stared at things, inattentive. Usually, I did this in my old kick-ass white 1980 Mustang that would soon be in automotive heaven (refurbished into a demolition derby vehicle; I passed on a free ticket to see my car duke it out with other abandoned gas guzzlers in the lovely hamlet of Rio Linda... go figure). Anyway, on this day, sitting in my car, killing a couple of hours until my Biology 1 class, I saw a horizon like the one I described above. At that time, however, I was okay with myself. I don't know how long I sat and watched the darkness approach, but eventually my reverie was interrupted by a noise. A car had pulled up into the shoulder across the street from where I was sitting in the school's parking lot. A farmer's expanse, its boundaries marked by an eroding barbed wire fence, came up to the shoulder. The car was a beat up Toyota hatch back, its exhaust lilting up to the slowly darkening sky. Two people sprung from the car and I recognized their faces immediately. They were classmates in my color theory class. One was a man named Shaggy. I'm not kidding. I dubbed him that name for the simple fact that he reminded me of Shaggy in Scooby Do. It stuck. He even went as Shaggy to a Halloween party and let me see the photos he'd taken, saying that I was the one who'd given him the idea. He had a real name, but I've long since forgotten it. The second to emerge from the Toyota was the beautiful and mysterious Lisa. She was eight years my senior and always treated me with alarmed scrutiny, probably because I couldn't stop staring at her. She represented nothing I'd ever desired in a woman up to that point: she was skinny and pale; her hair was dyed black and was always in the mode of haphazardly arranged; she wore combat boots with a polka dot skirt and a loosely fitted, bleach white blouse; she had no tits, but legs that could make a giraffe jealous; she was perfectly formed in the face. Okay, she didn't wear those exact clothes every fucking day, but when I make a mental picture of her right this instant, that's what she is wearing. I think, in the entirety of that semester, she wore that ensemble once. Anyway, I had a boyish crush on the bitch. Shaggy and Lisa had been chummy from the first day of the semester, and, naturally, I hated Shaggy for it. Lisa and I had conversations, but they always teetered towards politics or the Bee Gees (she loved them... badly). I guess my terribly sported mullet leant itself to political designs? Beats me...
Anyway, here was Shaggy and Lisa, spilling out of a small car and running up to the fence on this farmland because they were ecstatic to see that a cow was standing in the farmland with its head over the fence. Their joy was strong enough for me to feel all the way over to my pathetic hiding place in my car. They pat the fat beast's fat head and made mooing sounds and laughed and bounded about like the ground below them was suddenly a trampoline. I was fixated. Then, just as quickly as they had appeared, the pair fled from the cow, back into the tiny car, and roared off, still visibly laughing as they disappeared. It was a hit-and-run Kodak moment. I was stunned.
The approaching rain clouds sure as shit looked melancholy then, brother. I felt so alone in that very echoing instant that Lisa and Shaggy had left for me. I knew that they, as a pair, ran around and got into all sorts of shit, but to have it visibly confirmed made me feel blue. I never entertained the idea of seducing Lisa (I secretly wanted to run my fingers along the back of her thigh, down to the back of her knees...) but to be so blatantly reminded of my place in such a quick and decisive-- hell, unintentional-- manner was depressing. Here I was, hiding from everyone, in my car alone, listening to shitty music on the radio. On the other side of the coin, Shaggy and Lisa were... well, they were running around petting fucking cows for all I knew, but the point was they weren't alone. I felt so small and stupid and lonely that I turned my car's engine over and drove towards the approaching storm. I kept driving, having to weave my way around stupid, ugly outcrops of developing urban life just to keep the direction right. Eventually the rain fell on me and it helped. No, really. It did. It cheered me. People tended to hate the rain and that made a silly twit like me feel welcomed by it. I was aware of how much life was passing by me, even at that age; I knew what I was losing. I even knew how confusing the world was and how many of its stupid mysteries I was going to have to stumble through alone and misguided, but it was okay in that climate. I parked on the side of the road for a good long while. I don't remember how long. Hell, I don't remember where I went afterward.
So, there it is. Today, I saw a black horizon sky awaiting me as I rode back to the city I called home and I was reminded of that stupid story. Not really a story, is it? Well, what the fuck.
Riding back into Sacramento, I saw an amazing horizon. It was dark and foreboding, housing currents of rain that pelted the ground. I was still stuck in blinding sunlight, so the creepy sight in front of me was somewhat welcoming. Why? It fit my fucking mood, duh...
Also, it reminded me of a moment I had when I was attending Sierra College. Back then, during this particular semester, I had classes that would be hours apart, so I was a slave to my boredom so much that I often times just sat and stared at things, inattentive. Usually, I did this in my old kick-ass white 1980 Mustang that would soon be in automotive heaven (refurbished into a demolition derby vehicle; I passed on a free ticket to see my car duke it out with other abandoned gas guzzlers in the lovely hamlet of Rio Linda... go figure). Anyway, on this day, sitting in my car, killing a couple of hours until my Biology 1 class, I saw a horizon like the one I described above. At that time, however, I was okay with myself. I don't know how long I sat and watched the darkness approach, but eventually my reverie was interrupted by a noise. A car had pulled up into the shoulder across the street from where I was sitting in the school's parking lot. A farmer's expanse, its boundaries marked by an eroding barbed wire fence, came up to the shoulder. The car was a beat up Toyota hatch back, its exhaust lilting up to the slowly darkening sky. Two people sprung from the car and I recognized their faces immediately. They were classmates in my color theory class. One was a man named Shaggy. I'm not kidding. I dubbed him that name for the simple fact that he reminded me of Shaggy in Scooby Do. It stuck. He even went as Shaggy to a Halloween party and let me see the photos he'd taken, saying that I was the one who'd given him the idea. He had a real name, but I've long since forgotten it. The second to emerge from the Toyota was the beautiful and mysterious Lisa. She was eight years my senior and always treated me with alarmed scrutiny, probably because I couldn't stop staring at her. She represented nothing I'd ever desired in a woman up to that point: she was skinny and pale; her hair was dyed black and was always in the mode of haphazardly arranged; she wore combat boots with a polka dot skirt and a loosely fitted, bleach white blouse; she had no tits, but legs that could make a giraffe jealous; she was perfectly formed in the face. Okay, she didn't wear those exact clothes every fucking day, but when I make a mental picture of her right this instant, that's what she is wearing. I think, in the entirety of that semester, she wore that ensemble once. Anyway, I had a boyish crush on the bitch. Shaggy and Lisa had been chummy from the first day of the semester, and, naturally, I hated Shaggy for it. Lisa and I had conversations, but they always teetered towards politics or the Bee Gees (she loved them... badly). I guess my terribly sported mullet leant itself to political designs? Beats me...
Anyway, here was Shaggy and Lisa, spilling out of a small car and running up to the fence on this farmland because they were ecstatic to see that a cow was standing in the farmland with its head over the fence. Their joy was strong enough for me to feel all the way over to my pathetic hiding place in my car. They pat the fat beast's fat head and made mooing sounds and laughed and bounded about like the ground below them was suddenly a trampoline. I was fixated. Then, just as quickly as they had appeared, the pair fled from the cow, back into the tiny car, and roared off, still visibly laughing as they disappeared. It was a hit-and-run Kodak moment. I was stunned.
The approaching rain clouds sure as shit looked melancholy then, brother. I felt so alone in that very echoing instant that Lisa and Shaggy had left for me. I knew that they, as a pair, ran around and got into all sorts of shit, but to have it visibly confirmed made me feel blue. I never entertained the idea of seducing Lisa (I secretly wanted to run my fingers along the back of her thigh, down to the back of her knees...) but to be so blatantly reminded of my place in such a quick and decisive-- hell, unintentional-- manner was depressing. Here I was, hiding from everyone, in my car alone, listening to shitty music on the radio. On the other side of the coin, Shaggy and Lisa were... well, they were running around petting fucking cows for all I knew, but the point was they weren't alone. I felt so small and stupid and lonely that I turned my car's engine over and drove towards the approaching storm. I kept driving, having to weave my way around stupid, ugly outcrops of developing urban life just to keep the direction right. Eventually the rain fell on me and it helped. No, really. It did. It cheered me. People tended to hate the rain and that made a silly twit like me feel welcomed by it. I was aware of how much life was passing by me, even at that age; I knew what I was losing. I even knew how confusing the world was and how many of its stupid mysteries I was going to have to stumble through alone and misguided, but it was okay in that climate. I parked on the side of the road for a good long while. I don't remember how long. Hell, I don't remember where I went afterward.
So, there it is. Today, I saw a black horizon sky awaiting me as I rode back to the city I called home and I was reminded of that stupid story. Not really a story, is it? Well, what the fuck.
issay:
thanks for the comment on my new set! 