maleficentmoi

I have never been stoned. Never. My only altered states of reality have come via a dentist visit or a severe lack of sleep. This venture into a new world was something I felt like doing because I've been a blue man for so long these past weeks that I felt like putting the shit on pause. So, I did...

My wife and I have been going through a lot of shit lately, most of it between the two of us, and it has made for some black days. Still, we chug along, trying to make things better. True, we fight, raise all hell, spit and scream, walk away, pout, kick the walls, and think dark thoughts, but we always come back. Thank God for that. If it weren't for my wife, I think most of the damn fucking arguments we've been through could've been killers. This latest one, sadly, centered on desires my wife has had for other men. Scary shit, indeed, but not exactly unheard of. Everyone has desires. If such a thing were easy to shuck off, then what a boring world this would be. For the most part, my wife is a very sexual creature, yet she is a very picky fucker. Essentially, she doesn't fuck just anyone. Considering what I know about my wife, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had fucked over one hundred guys. No shit... But, she can count her sexual partners, excluding me, on one hand. That is amazing to me. Still, she has desires. What caused this latest (and greatest) rift between us was the fact that she was pushing the boundaries of this desire. She was sending flirty e-mails to a guy she and I both know mutually. Unfortunately, my friend didn't put a stop to it, but, upon consideration, I guess it isn't too surprising why. He has been going through his own shit with a girlfriend that must be shaving years off his life. So, anyway, in a nutshell: my wife was corresponding with my friend and they both were being a little too fucking dirty for my taste. How did I find this out? I broke into her e-mail account, that's how. Yeah, I know... Coward. Still, it needed to be done. I read all the shit and blew up. Some of it was pretty nasty (well, one in particular). We fought, I called out my friend, and things were so dark that I couldn't believe the sun would ever come into our relationship again.

Well, it did. My wife is pure gold. True, she drives me bonkers sometimes, but that's because we walked a different path to meet each other. It still feels strange, this understanding that my wife treasures desires from other men, that she fantasizes about them sometimes, and that she gets frustrated knowing she can't go there, but it's a good feeling knowing she can tell me these things now; that I won't be kept in the dark. I still feel bruised about it all, but the prospect of healing seems reasonable to me now. Live and learn...

So, in a forgiving mood, I tried one of my wife's vices. And, went too far. By, ohhhh, two hits... My head couldn't turn off. My eyes felt like strobe lights. Sensing my problems, my wife took me for a walk out in the cool night. I will never forget that walk as long as I ever live. It was so fucking surreal. A bus didn't move like it was supposed to; it even looked flat to me. Lights were like beacons. Every time I pulled my eyes up off the sidewalk I was lost. Time stuttered. My short term memory was shot all full of holes. My balance was a little to the left and down. The walk felt eternal. I was afraid to close my eyes too long once we got home, but it was the only way to rest my mind. So, I did. Thankfully, that slowed everything down to light speed at least. It was weird. Scary, but weird. "Will you do it again?" my wife asked me. I said I would, but not anytime soon. After all, my company could drop a drug test on me on a moment's notice. Got to be responsible sometimes, right?