malana

Sometimes, there is truth in clich: right now I am "jumping for joy" and there is a whole lotta truth in that!

I received the first proof back of my artist book, a compilation of three stories I've written part of my mentoring program. It has been designed, kindly, patiently, freely, by my graphic designer friend, Christina.

She and I used to work together at the magazine publishing company I work for. She moved on, sadly, in August this year (I have to move on too, but that's another story). She is supremely talented, and I am blown away by what she has created from my writing and an collection of artwork I obtained off a talented young illustrator in Melbourne, Chay-ya Clancy.

The work of both these women inspires me, and the way Christina has designed my writing and Chay-ya's illustrations - WOAH! - is more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. Christina always produces work that takes my breath away, even when we were stuck together in the 9-5 working on a bridal magazine. Her artistic flair is pure in a simple way, clean and sophisticated. It is balanced, it is perfect.

I am so blessed.

I am also blessed that I was accepted into the mentoring program in the first place. As a writer! Me? A writer? It seems hard to believe that I can call myself this because I feel that I have struggled to be taken seriously as a writer for so long. This is a divine honour because I have so far been known moreso as a creative manager/project manager than a writer.

I also think that such a program enhances talent, in that I am trying to live up to talent of the sixteen other artists accepted into the program from around the state. They are child prodigies, and I have worked my arse off partially because I don't want to be humiliated when my work is showcased alongside theirs! I cannot fucking wait to see them all again and share a congratulatory drink and a hug at our showcase this coming Friday. I am sad our time together will end, but it's been a bonding experience we'll always have - kinda like your graduating class in highschool.

I am also fucking blown away by Christina's generousity in offering her weekend to design my book and Chay-ya Clancy's illustrations that she contributed. Time for another cliche! They have been "the icing on the cake." There's a part of me that feels I should be used to it by now: my work on Vulture magazine was testiment to the power of passion, how far people will go to contribute to something they believe in, to partake in creative freedom, and make something original and real. But it still blows me away. How am I to deserve such wonderful, creative, talented, generous people in my life, helping my dreams come true?

I know that I am not excellent, nor naturally gifted. I am far from it (really far from it), but I will earnestly pursue my craft. I really will. I am not worthy of so many opportunities, but somehow I keep getting presented them. As recently as Friday I got a rejection letter back from the State Library of Queensland saying that a story I submitted to the Young Writers' Award wasn't successful as a winner or highly commended, but that it was short-listed in a group of 22 entries put forth to the judges, out of 155 submissions.

It was the first story I've seriously put my energy into. To be considered alongside people like my amazing friend Jim who won last year and was highly commended this year? Of this I am proud. I was so low on Friday, burnt out to the core and exhausted, really, really exhausted and that was just the little push I needed to tell me that my hard work isn't so far off course. To keep going, believe, take things in, compost, learn, share, create, strive.

Now that I have caught up on sleep this weekend, it's time to begin celebrating! Hooray!