So not only did i still not finish my paper but my life has hit an all time low.
First of all the paper is only 5 pages, 5 fucking pages. but i just can't seem to wrap my brain around finishing it. I need to do this. It's so simple, but i just can't, I'm gonna just knock it out later. good or bad. i just need it done.
besides Jhonny telling me he loves me, and all other types of bullshit. the man that ruined my life had his mother call me. Apparently he violated his curfew from his probation and hes locked up again. she called me to ask if i would come to Rikers Island to his court date. I told her i would see just cause i was so shocked from the call. But the worst part of it all wasn't that his mother called and asked me that, It was that she spent 15 mins telling me that I was the sexiest girl she had ever seen. that i was so sweet and she knows that beauty never fades and I'm still hot. she actually even said that she was jealous when she saw me kiss him years ago and that she's been thinking about me ever since. this was years ago!!! WTF. seriously so disturbing. I was speechless.
And needless to say, i changed my cell phone number. I've had enough.
Why is it that everyone in my life only values me for sex, or what they perceive to be my "good looks". Ironically it makes me feel really ugly. I weigh the most I've ever weighed and while I'm unhappy about being overweight. I'm kind of happy people don't really look at me anymore. I've become invisible and i wish i really would disappear.
I am really depressed now, I thought my life had moved on but nothing i do really changes anything. I'm still fat. I still live with my mom. I still have a shitty job. I'm still always broke. and i still care more about everyone then they care about me. I try so hard to make everyone happy and do everything for everyone but it's never enough. I really have seriously considered 2 things. running away and not telling anyone. and suicide. I wish i didn't feel this way. but i do.
First of all the paper is only 5 pages, 5 fucking pages. but i just can't seem to wrap my brain around finishing it. I need to do this. It's so simple, but i just can't, I'm gonna just knock it out later. good or bad. i just need it done.
besides Jhonny telling me he loves me, and all other types of bullshit. the man that ruined my life had his mother call me. Apparently he violated his curfew from his probation and hes locked up again. she called me to ask if i would come to Rikers Island to his court date. I told her i would see just cause i was so shocked from the call. But the worst part of it all wasn't that his mother called and asked me that, It was that she spent 15 mins telling me that I was the sexiest girl she had ever seen. that i was so sweet and she knows that beauty never fades and I'm still hot. she actually even said that she was jealous when she saw me kiss him years ago and that she's been thinking about me ever since. this was years ago!!! WTF. seriously so disturbing. I was speechless.
And needless to say, i changed my cell phone number. I've had enough.
Why is it that everyone in my life only values me for sex, or what they perceive to be my "good looks". Ironically it makes me feel really ugly. I weigh the most I've ever weighed and while I'm unhappy about being overweight. I'm kind of happy people don't really look at me anymore. I've become invisible and i wish i really would disappear.
I am really depressed now, I thought my life had moved on but nothing i do really changes anything. I'm still fat. I still live with my mom. I still have a shitty job. I'm still always broke. and i still care more about everyone then they care about me. I try so hard to make everyone happy and do everything for everyone but it's never enough. I really have seriously considered 2 things. running away and not telling anyone. and suicide. I wish i didn't feel this way. but i do.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
laceyk:
yay for finishing the paper!
satire_:
If the people around you are not treating you the way you deserve, fire them and get new ones! You shouldn't have to waste time and precious energy feeling like less than what you are.
