makebelieve

I don't know what to say anymore.

I'm super depressed. I don't know why. I don't want to go to work. I didn't go today. I was on vacation the past week, and just decided I wasn't going in. Originally I wasn't supposed to come back until tomorrow. But I did tell them I'd be back Wednesday. They've called, I haven't answered. I told them before I left I didnt' want to be a produce manager anymore. That I'm just not cut out for management, and I'm bored with produce.

Truth is, I don't want to go back to Ingles at all. Honestly, I just want to go back to my parents house and live there. Get some job, pay off my debt, and go back to school. I don't want to leave my friends here. Same time, I don't really want to exist. It really hurts too much anymore. Can't go to therapy, because my insurance won't cover it anymore. Pre-existing condtion and whatnot. I'm tired of it. I'm letting everyone down. Work, my friends, I won't be going to softball tonight again because once again, I can't get out of bed. And I don't think I'll go to work tomorrow either. I know they wouldn't fire me for not going today. I'd get some lecture, and that would be that. But I don't want to go back. I hate Ingles. It makes me miserable to even think about going there.

Just let me go peacefully in my sleep or something. I'm tired of feeling like shit. Things start to look up for me, then they go to hell. I'm not sure it's in the cards for me to be happy.