makebelieve

So I haven't had a day off work since last Sunday. I had to go in at 7 this morning, which of course was actually like 6. But luckily I had a bit of overtime to cut off so I got to leave early. Now I have Mon and Tues off, and I was hoping to go visit my friend out in Tennessee. But of course, for whatever reason, he's been ignoring/avoiding me. I feel like he doesn't want me to be around him anymore. I don't know what I did this time, but I'm tired of not knowing. I don't like not being in control. I'm not a controlling person, I just like structure. I like to know what's happening. I make plans, I'm punctual, and to my great dismay, overanalytical. If thats a word. I think too much. I freak out about the little things. I wanted sooooooo bad to drink tonight. I was so close to it, but I didn't. I held back, I don't want to go back down that path. Unfortunately, since I got ripped on my tats I can't afford to get another one. So I'm thinking of changing the hair again. First I thought about dyeing it, but I'm thinking about cutting it all off instead. This is what happens when I feel angry. I dye my hair. cut it, get drunk. So now it's down to cutting. Always then I want it to grow long again, but when I get to this length I'm at now, I get too frustrated and end up cutting it again. What to do, what to do. I'll probably cut it. Since I have the next two days off, and I still don't have friends here, and I was not wanted or welcome in TN, something is gonna change. I'd go shopping, but I don't get to wear much more than my Ingles shirt. Not very interesting blog. blah.