Update time again, I suppose.
Halloween came and went. Holidays are a little bit lost on me lately, for whatever reason. Pretty much nothing to set it apart from any other weekend except for the fact that I was dressed like Batman which frankly has been known to happen anyway. L seems to absolutely love an excuse to something "seasonal," and to each their own, but I mostly just find them annoying. Even my birthday (coming up) I'd prefer to ignore. Having some sort of dinner, with presents, is being talked about, but I'd rather just let it go. I think it's illustrative that not even my family bothers to get me anything anymore. They offer, but I decline. In fact, J and L (and apparently L's friends) are the only people I know who haven't quit. I'm pretty sure that J only gets me stuff because she feels bad that I pay for her whenever we go out. Most of my friends don't even remember, since I never mention it.
I actually did go to a Halloween party that my friend threw, but it was my usual party experience: abject boredom. Setting up was a lot of fun (we carved pumpkins!), but once the guests arrived, the only people I had any interest in talking to were occupied doing the host thing, which left me amidst a bunch of people I partly don't know and the rest don't care about. From now on, I need to check the guest list before I agree to attend. If there are only two people I want to talk to, and no single girls to meet, then the hell with that. On the plus side, though, there was a fog machine and strobe light purchase made for the party, but more thoroughly enjoyed at a holiday dinner yesterday evening.
Apparently I have my yearly performance review at work. I wonder if they have a box for "flagrantly apathetic since every project I get assigned to me is worse than the last one." I haven't liked my job since April or so, back when I was briefly working on a side project for a particular scientist. Personal contact with whoever's on the other side of the contract goes a long way towards making it feel worth doing. It's frustrating to me that at this end of the career scale, there's no recognition or accomplishment. The only motivator aside from the long long-term is getting a decent raise, and frankly I just bank virtually everything that doesn't go to rent. Another thousand dollars a year is not going to affect my life in the least, so how is this supposed to convince me to be more dedicated? The only reward I would want would be some influence over what I get assigned to work on, which has already been given to all the senior programmers, and obviously not everyone can have their choice of work. Anyway, the moral of this story is that it's awfully hard to motivate someone who really doesn't buy in to the consumerist ethic, because an entry-level salary, managed properly, is more than enough to provide for everything I want (that can be bought).
Also, I kinda miss E. I hate to apologize, since I still stand by my previous appraisal of the disparities in how she treats her friends versus her abusers, but it's disappointing that that's just the end of our friendship.
Halloween came and went. Holidays are a little bit lost on me lately, for whatever reason. Pretty much nothing to set it apart from any other weekend except for the fact that I was dressed like Batman which frankly has been known to happen anyway. L seems to absolutely love an excuse to something "seasonal," and to each their own, but I mostly just find them annoying. Even my birthday (coming up) I'd prefer to ignore. Having some sort of dinner, with presents, is being talked about, but I'd rather just let it go. I think it's illustrative that not even my family bothers to get me anything anymore. They offer, but I decline. In fact, J and L (and apparently L's friends) are the only people I know who haven't quit. I'm pretty sure that J only gets me stuff because she feels bad that I pay for her whenever we go out. Most of my friends don't even remember, since I never mention it.
I actually did go to a Halloween party that my friend threw, but it was my usual party experience: abject boredom. Setting up was a lot of fun (we carved pumpkins!), but once the guests arrived, the only people I had any interest in talking to were occupied doing the host thing, which left me amidst a bunch of people I partly don't know and the rest don't care about. From now on, I need to check the guest list before I agree to attend. If there are only two people I want to talk to, and no single girls to meet, then the hell with that. On the plus side, though, there was a fog machine and strobe light purchase made for the party, but more thoroughly enjoyed at a holiday dinner yesterday evening.
Apparently I have my yearly performance review at work. I wonder if they have a box for "flagrantly apathetic since every project I get assigned to me is worse than the last one." I haven't liked my job since April or so, back when I was briefly working on a side project for a particular scientist. Personal contact with whoever's on the other side of the contract goes a long way towards making it feel worth doing. It's frustrating to me that at this end of the career scale, there's no recognition or accomplishment. The only motivator aside from the long long-term is getting a decent raise, and frankly I just bank virtually everything that doesn't go to rent. Another thousand dollars a year is not going to affect my life in the least, so how is this supposed to convince me to be more dedicated? The only reward I would want would be some influence over what I get assigned to work on, which has already been given to all the senior programmers, and obviously not everyone can have their choice of work. Anyway, the moral of this story is that it's awfully hard to motivate someone who really doesn't buy in to the consumerist ethic, because an entry-level salary, managed properly, is more than enough to provide for everything I want (that can be bought).
Also, I kinda miss E. I hate to apologize, since I still stand by my previous appraisal of the disparities in how she treats her friends versus her abusers, but it's disappointing that that's just the end of our friendship.