Journal entry: Day 452:
It's been well over a year now since the Cupitons appeared, they seemed cute and curious at first maneuvering their way into our hearts through our confused taste in culture. Choreographed dances and synchronized flights awed the crowds of young and old alike, but it was the children oh the poor poor stupid children who were the first to fall prey to them.
The first reports came out of Nebraska, then Ontario Canada, and even as far away Mazzatlan Mexico. the Cupitons it seemed were in one way or another going rogue. The theft an ice cream sandwich here, the taking of a not yet licked to the chocolatey center Tootsie pop there. It was happening and we didn't even see it coming.
When reports out of Seattle Washington arose that a colony of Cupitons had amassed at the base of Mt Renier, we all thought it was the natural course of a settling culture to choose one locale and make it their own, to establish a familiar cultural way-station in their new foreign home... but no, this was something....something.. different.
At night you could hear the scratching, scraping of tiny bone fingers and the flapping of delicate paper thin wings like swarms of angry butterflies, and the songs... oh the retched retched songs they would sing, Korean I think was the language but the tune was unmistakably Rick Astley's "Never gonna give you up". I can close my ears and hear the symphonic horror of those noises combined like a sickening mentos commercial for the brain.
The Government sent a team of Scientists and Military personnel on a mission to investigate. Three weeks they were gone, three weeks and only ONE returned.... Dr. Nigel Butterforth PHD, a young British anthropologist specializing in the cultural history of society and their... foods. They probed him, in every way one might imagine and he swears he was made love to on several occasions, though you know English Anthropologists, absolute liars regarding their sexual escapades the whole lot of them (you heard me Jane Goodall) but what Dr. Butterforth PHD had to report of the little winged creatures doings, was an eye opening harbinger of the tragedy yet to befall us all.
The Cupitons were more intelligent than we had initially given them credit, which was easily missed on an individual basis as from what Nigel (PHD) tells us, we had yet to discover as he did that they are a hive minded species, no one individual being of great intellect, but as a whole... bloody brilliant. The noise discovered, at Mt Renier was a massive excavation, so effective, they were in fact at hollowing out the mountain that they left merely a one foot thick shell of the mountain's exterior like the giant candy coating of an M&M that will never fit anyone's mouth OR hand. And the debris carried out from the interior was curiously left in a pile just beside the mountain appearing now nearly indistinguishable from the original. We've taken to calling the debris pile "Mt Renier 2" which is surprising, because the residents of Seattle are generally understood to be more creative than those of other cities.
Six months after the arrival of the Cupitons, they hatched their shocking plan. Over a series of nights, region by region, the nation's most important of food supplies were completely decimated, stolen under cover of darkness. Doritos, Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Salsa, Spray Cheese, Wheat thins, crackers, cookies, chocolate, microwave pizzas, Ramen soup, Campbells soup, Progresso soup, ALL varieties of soup, INCLUDING Spaghetti-O's and anything made by Chef Boyardee and his Snack Cake Lolita, Little Debbie, in some instances (though somewhat inexplicably?) even the raisins were taken. It turned out these occurences were happening all over the world, from Moscow to Bangkok, Hawaii to Timbuktu... and in every report one common element bound the stories together... Rick Astley, in a droning sort of asiany tone blanketing each region like some horrifying lullaby.
The military rushed their newest surveillance drones through R&D and sent them off to every NATO friendly country they could accommodate and the news reported back in video before the drones were destroyed by warrior Cupitons, was just as we feared, the warriors were guarding their horde,. The hollowed out Mt Renier, the iconic Mountain has become the Cupitons' depository for all of the stolen snack foods taken those nights from across our great nation's no longer fruited plains. The same fate had befallen every nation reporting. In the Middle East the Pyramids of Giza, were now no more than vaults for figs and candied dates, the TajMahal stuffed with coconut treats and sweet curried Cashews, Mexico's Mayan temples now just store houses for Chiclets (though I have a suspicion that was the case prior to the arrival of the Cupitons)... It seems on a global scale, an epidemic has swept and changed the course of history as we know it, a fate we never could have... WOULD have imagined, for fear of the brutal horror and sparse realities it will make us face.
What will this world be like, for us, for our CHILDREN, without MUNCHIES!!!!
perhaps now is the time to release the wrath... of the Stoner
(after a nap of course... and maybe a bit of the kind)
It's been well over a year now since the Cupitons appeared, they seemed cute and curious at first maneuvering their way into our hearts through our confused taste in culture. Choreographed dances and synchronized flights awed the crowds of young and old alike, but it was the children oh the poor poor stupid children who were the first to fall prey to them.
The first reports came out of Nebraska, then Ontario Canada, and even as far away Mazzatlan Mexico. the Cupitons it seemed were in one way or another going rogue. The theft an ice cream sandwich here, the taking of a not yet licked to the chocolatey center Tootsie pop there. It was happening and we didn't even see it coming.
When reports out of Seattle Washington arose that a colony of Cupitons had amassed at the base of Mt Renier, we all thought it was the natural course of a settling culture to choose one locale and make it their own, to establish a familiar cultural way-station in their new foreign home... but no, this was something....something.. different.
At night you could hear the scratching, scraping of tiny bone fingers and the flapping of delicate paper thin wings like swarms of angry butterflies, and the songs... oh the retched retched songs they would sing, Korean I think was the language but the tune was unmistakably Rick Astley's "Never gonna give you up". I can close my ears and hear the symphonic horror of those noises combined like a sickening mentos commercial for the brain.
The Government sent a team of Scientists and Military personnel on a mission to investigate. Three weeks they were gone, three weeks and only ONE returned.... Dr. Nigel Butterforth PHD, a young British anthropologist specializing in the cultural history of society and their... foods. They probed him, in every way one might imagine and he swears he was made love to on several occasions, though you know English Anthropologists, absolute liars regarding their sexual escapades the whole lot of them (you heard me Jane Goodall) but what Dr. Butterforth PHD had to report of the little winged creatures doings, was an eye opening harbinger of the tragedy yet to befall us all.
The Cupitons were more intelligent than we had initially given them credit, which was easily missed on an individual basis as from what Nigel (PHD) tells us, we had yet to discover as he did that they are a hive minded species, no one individual being of great intellect, but as a whole... bloody brilliant. The noise discovered, at Mt Renier was a massive excavation, so effective, they were in fact at hollowing out the mountain that they left merely a one foot thick shell of the mountain's exterior like the giant candy coating of an M&M that will never fit anyone's mouth OR hand. And the debris carried out from the interior was curiously left in a pile just beside the mountain appearing now nearly indistinguishable from the original. We've taken to calling the debris pile "Mt Renier 2" which is surprising, because the residents of Seattle are generally understood to be more creative than those of other cities.
Six months after the arrival of the Cupitons, they hatched their shocking plan. Over a series of nights, region by region, the nation's most important of food supplies were completely decimated, stolen under cover of darkness. Doritos, Ding Dongs, Twinkies, Salsa, Spray Cheese, Wheat thins, crackers, cookies, chocolate, microwave pizzas, Ramen soup, Campbells soup, Progresso soup, ALL varieties of soup, INCLUDING Spaghetti-O's and anything made by Chef Boyardee and his Snack Cake Lolita, Little Debbie, in some instances (though somewhat inexplicably?) even the raisins were taken. It turned out these occurences were happening all over the world, from Moscow to Bangkok, Hawaii to Timbuktu... and in every report one common element bound the stories together... Rick Astley, in a droning sort of asiany tone blanketing each region like some horrifying lullaby.
The military rushed their newest surveillance drones through R&D and sent them off to every NATO friendly country they could accommodate and the news reported back in video before the drones were destroyed by warrior Cupitons, was just as we feared, the warriors were guarding their horde,. The hollowed out Mt Renier, the iconic Mountain has become the Cupitons' depository for all of the stolen snack foods taken those nights from across our great nation's no longer fruited plains. The same fate had befallen every nation reporting. In the Middle East the Pyramids of Giza, were now no more than vaults for figs and candied dates, the TajMahal stuffed with coconut treats and sweet curried Cashews, Mexico's Mayan temples now just store houses for Chiclets (though I have a suspicion that was the case prior to the arrival of the Cupitons)... It seems on a global scale, an epidemic has swept and changed the course of history as we know it, a fate we never could have... WOULD have imagined, for fear of the brutal horror and sparse realities it will make us face.
What will this world be like, for us, for our CHILDREN, without MUNCHIES!!!!
perhaps now is the time to release the wrath... of the Stoner
(after a nap of course... and maybe a bit of the kind)
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
karaiko:
You ARE cute.
You ARE cute.
zombiedoll:
dammit. cupitons. why was i not informed of this development. i am finding bliss. hows trix sugar?