magpi

i love driving
it gives em time to reflect and to think about where i am and where im going and where i have been in my life
just spent most the weekend behind the wheel of my car driving to Canberra and back for a car clubs gathering

the big introspective thoughts for the drive home were about who i am and how did i get to where i am now
and who was that person in my body 3 or more years ago

i dont even know who he is any more
there was plenty about him that i liked but there was so much about him that i despise now and wish i could show him where he will go wrong to stop it happening

i still have a lot of my fears and in trepidations that i had then but i seem to be able to foucs in on them a little more now and move past them
my mind is getting clearer the longer its been since i fucked it up with drugs every weekend
to me they are a false sense of being

i have also noticed that i have lost a lot of my sense of spirituality over time
and im not sure this is a bad thing or a good thing

also of late i have been a little down cause im realizing for the last 10 years i have done fuck all with my life sept fuck things up for myself and those around me
i have burnt so many bridges im surprised that i still have as many friends as i do
i find im shy away from people now as my true self shines out more
i prefer my own company or to sit back and watch more when im with people rather than always be the life if the room/party
im still an over dominant life form but im not as flamboyant as i once was

im also getting sick of my job
im loving the company io work for but for the last 4 yrs i have been doing customer service and its got to the point where i hate having to talk to people on the phone all day it just drains em way to much
i need something new something different to any thing i have done before but i just dont know what
something that i can use my creative brain for rather than my technical brain
but im happy with technical stuff i love problem solving i just cant stand talking to customers any more