why can't i stop thinking about him? i mean, really. i know i've been crushing on him for years and i finally know he has too, but he's 600 miles away and has a fucking girlfriend there. the first chance i'll get to see him is spring break, and that's not even certain. summer is certain, if i could i'd live out there for the summer, even though i know that's not possible.
oh, and he isn't gonna tell his girlfriend about us and the kisses - oh, there were so many and so amazing - unless it comes up. which is good, i think. so this way, he decides if he wants to be with her in the end. it's not like he tells her he kissed me and then she dumps him and he thinks "oh, well, i guess i should date MaggieZee now?" that and even if she didn't dump him for it, she would never be comfortable around me. and i wouldn't either. she would see me as a "home" wrecker, or a threat, and try her hardest to keep him and i from being friends. i mean, he said she wasn't one to hold grudges, but i'm a woman just like her, and that's something you can't help but hold against someone. and i get it, i would too.
eh. my heart aches. my mind is tired. my body is exhausted.
two of my "friends" are moving to virginia on saturday. i say "friends" because one is a huge bitch and i only still call her my friend because we used to be close and we still hang out. oh, by the way, she's my collegeboy's ex girlfriend, and even though she's got "friend" number two as her boyfriend, she's still bitter about all that happened with her and Collegeboy and i'm pretty sure she still has feelings for him even after four plus years. but believe me, i can understand that. the other "friend" is her boyfriend. we were really good friends there for a second, i was hanging out more with him than with her, but then he drops the bomb he's into me pretty big time, and even tried to get me to cheat of the Ex, before he was an ex, while he was still with my bitchy friend. wait, he still is with her, that's why they're moving to virginia together on saturday.
i'm not really sure how i feel about it. all i'm really gonna be missing is the occasional trip to Caribou or maybe hanging out doing nothing at all at their apartment. i mean, i'm not close with her anymore, all she does is bitch about him and everything else, and not close with him anymore because all he does is bitch about her and how he needs to get laid more often. then he brings up the whole 'us' thing again. like we would ever have anything. i'm scared enough about the future - if i ever get together with Collegeboy, it'll be terrifying dealing with her. oh man, what about if we got married? it's a nice thought, not the one about her trying to kill me the one about marrying him, but i need to let it go i think.
i don't want to though, i wanna hold on to hope and pray maybe he'll see how amazing we could be together. i'm not interested in anyone else, and i don't wanna date unless it's him or he's getting married to someone else and it's seeeeriously time to give up on him.
he lives 600 miles away.
i want to move there, but i'm not sure when i could. with school and everything here, i just don't know. i wanna be near him though. just best friends or more, i need him to be living within a ten mile radius of my place.
oh, and he isn't gonna tell his girlfriend about us and the kisses - oh, there were so many and so amazing - unless it comes up. which is good, i think. so this way, he decides if he wants to be with her in the end. it's not like he tells her he kissed me and then she dumps him and he thinks "oh, well, i guess i should date MaggieZee now?" that and even if she didn't dump him for it, she would never be comfortable around me. and i wouldn't either. she would see me as a "home" wrecker, or a threat, and try her hardest to keep him and i from being friends. i mean, he said she wasn't one to hold grudges, but i'm a woman just like her, and that's something you can't help but hold against someone. and i get it, i would too.
eh. my heart aches. my mind is tired. my body is exhausted.
two of my "friends" are moving to virginia on saturday. i say "friends" because one is a huge bitch and i only still call her my friend because we used to be close and we still hang out. oh, by the way, she's my collegeboy's ex girlfriend, and even though she's got "friend" number two as her boyfriend, she's still bitter about all that happened with her and Collegeboy and i'm pretty sure she still has feelings for him even after four plus years. but believe me, i can understand that. the other "friend" is her boyfriend. we were really good friends there for a second, i was hanging out more with him than with her, but then he drops the bomb he's into me pretty big time, and even tried to get me to cheat of the Ex, before he was an ex, while he was still with my bitchy friend. wait, he still is with her, that's why they're moving to virginia together on saturday.
i'm not really sure how i feel about it. all i'm really gonna be missing is the occasional trip to Caribou or maybe hanging out doing nothing at all at their apartment. i mean, i'm not close with her anymore, all she does is bitch about him and everything else, and not close with him anymore because all he does is bitch about her and how he needs to get laid more often. then he brings up the whole 'us' thing again. like we would ever have anything. i'm scared enough about the future - if i ever get together with Collegeboy, it'll be terrifying dealing with her. oh man, what about if we got married? it's a nice thought, not the one about her trying to kill me the one about marrying him, but i need to let it go i think.
i don't want to though, i wanna hold on to hope and pray maybe he'll see how amazing we could be together. i'm not interested in anyone else, and i don't wanna date unless it's him or he's getting married to someone else and it's seeeeriously time to give up on him.
he lives 600 miles away.
i want to move there, but i'm not sure when i could. with school and everything here, i just don't know. i wanna be near him though. just best friends or more, i need him to be living within a ten mile radius of my place.