it's much too pretty of a day for it to be the middle of december. it's seventy-five degrees outside and gloriously sunny. i wanna ride my bike to a park and sit around and read and enjoy the weather, but...
i've got things to do. which i'm actually doing, thanks to my legally prescribed amphetamines. having ADD has always been terrible, even before i knew that it was was was making things terrible. i got up today around ten and have been the most productive i've been a long time. i have about half of what i have to do today done already and it's before night fall. it's amazing.
--
and as messed up as i was when i was dancing around in my psilocybin enhanced world, i actually came to understand a lot. obviously, my epiphany that itchy and shiny actually mean the same thing was wrong and mainly just funny. but i realized something else; when i was trying to keep my friend from having a bad trip i told him that all he has to do is make himself happy and the trip will be fun. then, i came to rambling about things, but the gist of it all was true no matter what psychedelic state my mind was it.
*i don't believe in god, but to me happiness is what i put my faith in. i can't see it, i am not it, but i am striving to be in it's name. so, my god it happiness. but really, it's emotion. sadness is necessary sometimes, anger can be just, and creativity and a million other emotions help me thrive. i believe in happy was what i said that night, but honestly, i believe in emotion, in the human aspects of life.
*there is no 'sober' mindset. you're never as clear minded or "normal" as you can be. i drink, i tripped for my first time that night, i get sleepy, and now i have medicine that alters my mind so i can function more like normal people. no one is ever normal, sober, or as interesting as life is when you give up trying to be.
*anything is as simple as you want it to be, as you make it to be. if something is out of your hands or bigger than you, let it be and it becomes more simple. don't overreact about things that aren't as important as you think they are. sit down and think about things, and you - yes, it's possible - can make it simple and bearable. everything is as simple as you make it.
*life is what you make it. you are only young once, so live life the way you want to. live life so that if you die or become a vegetable or the world fucks you over tomorrow, you'll still be happy about how things were up until the moment you are in. don't let yourself have regrets. there is no way to change the past, so don't dwell in it. make plans for the future, but know things can and will change and be okay with it.
those cliches are deeper rooted in my "faith" than i ever imagined. and i've found my faith, and it's another step toward feeling happy and okay with myself and my life. it feels so good to be moving forward, and i'm excited about so many things right now. i could cry big fat tears right with this big smile that's on my face and just bask in this amazing feeling.
i've got things to do. which i'm actually doing, thanks to my legally prescribed amphetamines. having ADD has always been terrible, even before i knew that it was was was making things terrible. i got up today around ten and have been the most productive i've been a long time. i have about half of what i have to do today done already and it's before night fall. it's amazing.
--
and as messed up as i was when i was dancing around in my psilocybin enhanced world, i actually came to understand a lot. obviously, my epiphany that itchy and shiny actually mean the same thing was wrong and mainly just funny. but i realized something else; when i was trying to keep my friend from having a bad trip i told him that all he has to do is make himself happy and the trip will be fun. then, i came to rambling about things, but the gist of it all was true no matter what psychedelic state my mind was it.
*i don't believe in god, but to me happiness is what i put my faith in. i can't see it, i am not it, but i am striving to be in it's name. so, my god it happiness. but really, it's emotion. sadness is necessary sometimes, anger can be just, and creativity and a million other emotions help me thrive. i believe in happy was what i said that night, but honestly, i believe in emotion, in the human aspects of life.
*there is no 'sober' mindset. you're never as clear minded or "normal" as you can be. i drink, i tripped for my first time that night, i get sleepy, and now i have medicine that alters my mind so i can function more like normal people. no one is ever normal, sober, or as interesting as life is when you give up trying to be.
*anything is as simple as you want it to be, as you make it to be. if something is out of your hands or bigger than you, let it be and it becomes more simple. don't overreact about things that aren't as important as you think they are. sit down and think about things, and you - yes, it's possible - can make it simple and bearable. everything is as simple as you make it.
*life is what you make it. you are only young once, so live life the way you want to. live life so that if you die or become a vegetable or the world fucks you over tomorrow, you'll still be happy about how things were up until the moment you are in. don't let yourself have regrets. there is no way to change the past, so don't dwell in it. make plans for the future, but know things can and will change and be okay with it.
those cliches are deeper rooted in my "faith" than i ever imagined. and i've found my faith, and it's another step toward feeling happy and okay with myself and my life. it feels so good to be moving forward, and i'm excited about so many things right now. i could cry big fat tears right with this big smile that's on my face and just bask in this amazing feeling.
I totally agree with everything you pointed out. You just gotta live life one day at a time and take all the shit that's thrown at you and make the best of it.