Warning: There is a very good chance that the following essay will be a profanity-filled tirade. Parental discretion is advised.
The Degeneration of Movie Etiquette
I've perhaps had one of the worst in-theater experiences of my life. No, there weren't shootings or stabbings or anything like that. Police didn't have to come escort rabble-rousers away. But there were so many incidences that I was raging mad by the time the movie let out, and I have to rant.
The movie was Serenity. Not one that necessarily is on my "must see" list, but the wife is a big Joss Whedon fan and so I did her the courtesy of accompanying her. Plus we haven't seen a flick in a few weeks.
But I digress. Back to the chaos.
In no particuar order, here's some of the things that happened in the theater:
1. Screaming Baby: A single woman brought a young infant, stroller and all, into the movie, and the baby proceeded to screech the whole fucking time. Yes, I understand. Babies do that. Yes, I understand that you can't find a babysitter sometimes (although I personally think you should wait to see the flick until you do with kids that age).But if you are the mother, and have any sense of common courtesy, take the child out into the lobby until it quiets down. She didn't.
It was very clear to me that this movie was very important to said mother. Because she did everything BUT leave said theater. She paced back and forth up the aisles and in front of the screen. She made audible "Shhhhh" noises. All to no avail. Lady, take the rugrat outside!
2. Kids Wandering Free: We're not done with this bitch yet. She had a second child--perhaps 2-years old or so--with her as well. And this one, well, she ignored. As a result, he was wandering up (both at walker's and runner's pace) and down the aisles of the theater, and mom seemed to be totally oblivious.
It would have been very easy for someone to snag that child in the dark theater and run off with it, and she would have had no bloody clue. At one point, another theater patron picked up the toddler and brought it back to the mother. Hopefully he told her to keep her eyes on her fucking child lest it get kidnapped. He obviously didn't tell her to get the hell out of the theater, because she stayed the whole time.
3. Ringing Cell Phones: You think people would be wise to this one by now. All kinds of shit flashes on the screen before the movie telling people to turn their cell phones off. And this has been going on for years at every movie. But no...on two different occasions cell phones went off. When the first one rang, you would think that sensible people would check to see if theirs was on as well. However, another one rang. And...get this...the fucker decided to carry on a conversation (albeit a short one) while watching the movie.
This kind of thing infuriates me to no end. I wish I was less passive agressive and more violent so I could stick said phone where the sun doesn't shine. Yes, I realize people are self-important, and some calls 'have to be taken,' but for God's sake, put your phone on vibrate and in the event where you have to take the call, do it in the lobby!
4. Talkers: This one is pretty unavoidable, but I'm going to mention it anyway. Why is it that the two people who talk throughout the entire movie are always sitting within a two-seat radius of me? And it's always the losers who have seen the movie already that are explaining what it happening next to their friends. Dude...shut the fuck up!
5. Chair kickers/yankers: I had yankers instead of kickers this time, but they both deserve to be included together. By yanker, I mean someone that has to grab the top of the seat in front of them (mine in this case) to get their out of their chairs. Dude, isn't that what the armrests are for?
Yes, I'm a movie bitch. I realize it. But if I'm going to drop $30 for tickets and a snack, I would like it to be quiet and comfortable. And I honestly don't think its too much to ask.
The Moral of the Story
All of this has got me thinking. Movie etiquette has really gone down the shitter in recent years, and I think it is a reflection on society as a whole. I've come to some alarming conclusions about human beings right now.
1. We have no semblance of awarness of our environs. People are so self-absorbed any more that nothing outside their fucking tunnel vision registers in their brains.
2. People are ruder than they used to be, and, to be frank, they don't really care about the fact that they ARE rude.
Not that I'm necessarily the shining example on the hill--I can be as evil as anyone; but when I'm in a public place, I go out of my way to make sure I'm not pissing people off. I try to have some common courtesy for my neighbors. All I ask is for folks, in theaters and elsewhere, to do the same.
But there are some selfish fucks out there who could gie a shit.
This worries me for our future.
The Degeneration of Movie Etiquette
I've perhaps had one of the worst in-theater experiences of my life. No, there weren't shootings or stabbings or anything like that. Police didn't have to come escort rabble-rousers away. But there were so many incidences that I was raging mad by the time the movie let out, and I have to rant.
The movie was Serenity. Not one that necessarily is on my "must see" list, but the wife is a big Joss Whedon fan and so I did her the courtesy of accompanying her. Plus we haven't seen a flick in a few weeks.
But I digress. Back to the chaos.
In no particuar order, here's some of the things that happened in the theater:
1. Screaming Baby: A single woman brought a young infant, stroller and all, into the movie, and the baby proceeded to screech the whole fucking time. Yes, I understand. Babies do that. Yes, I understand that you can't find a babysitter sometimes (although I personally think you should wait to see the flick until you do with kids that age).But if you are the mother, and have any sense of common courtesy, take the child out into the lobby until it quiets down. She didn't.
It was very clear to me that this movie was very important to said mother. Because she did everything BUT leave said theater. She paced back and forth up the aisles and in front of the screen. She made audible "Shhhhh" noises. All to no avail. Lady, take the rugrat outside!
2. Kids Wandering Free: We're not done with this bitch yet. She had a second child--perhaps 2-years old or so--with her as well. And this one, well, she ignored. As a result, he was wandering up (both at walker's and runner's pace) and down the aisles of the theater, and mom seemed to be totally oblivious.
It would have been very easy for someone to snag that child in the dark theater and run off with it, and she would have had no bloody clue. At one point, another theater patron picked up the toddler and brought it back to the mother. Hopefully he told her to keep her eyes on her fucking child lest it get kidnapped. He obviously didn't tell her to get the hell out of the theater, because she stayed the whole time.
3. Ringing Cell Phones: You think people would be wise to this one by now. All kinds of shit flashes on the screen before the movie telling people to turn their cell phones off. And this has been going on for years at every movie. But no...on two different occasions cell phones went off. When the first one rang, you would think that sensible people would check to see if theirs was on as well. However, another one rang. And...get this...the fucker decided to carry on a conversation (albeit a short one) while watching the movie.
This kind of thing infuriates me to no end. I wish I was less passive agressive and more violent so I could stick said phone where the sun doesn't shine. Yes, I realize people are self-important, and some calls 'have to be taken,' but for God's sake, put your phone on vibrate and in the event where you have to take the call, do it in the lobby!
4. Talkers: This one is pretty unavoidable, but I'm going to mention it anyway. Why is it that the two people who talk throughout the entire movie are always sitting within a two-seat radius of me? And it's always the losers who have seen the movie already that are explaining what it happening next to their friends. Dude...shut the fuck up!
5. Chair kickers/yankers: I had yankers instead of kickers this time, but they both deserve to be included together. By yanker, I mean someone that has to grab the top of the seat in front of them (mine in this case) to get their out of their chairs. Dude, isn't that what the armrests are for?
Yes, I'm a movie bitch. I realize it. But if I'm going to drop $30 for tickets and a snack, I would like it to be quiet and comfortable. And I honestly don't think its too much to ask.
The Moral of the Story
All of this has got me thinking. Movie etiquette has really gone down the shitter in recent years, and I think it is a reflection on society as a whole. I've come to some alarming conclusions about human beings right now.
1. We have no semblance of awarness of our environs. People are so self-absorbed any more that nothing outside their fucking tunnel vision registers in their brains.
2. People are ruder than they used to be, and, to be frank, they don't really care about the fact that they ARE rude.
Not that I'm necessarily the shining example on the hill--I can be as evil as anyone; but when I'm in a public place, I go out of my way to make sure I'm not pissing people off. I try to have some common courtesy for my neighbors. All I ask is for folks, in theaters and elsewhere, to do the same.
But there are some selfish fucks out there who could gie a shit.
This worries me for our future.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
pavlovsdog:
Go to the theatre instead.
southernbelle:
I love the rant!!! You pretty much summed it up!! 
I would have included the loud whisperers in there too...you know, those people that think they are being quiet, but they are really talking loud enough for the whole theater to hear them!!!! 
I would have included the loud whisperers in there too...you know, those people that think they are being quiet, but they are really talking loud enough for the whole theater to hear them!!!!