I want intimacy so bad, and that's why I don't have it. I crave to be touched, held, and to be penetrated by a lover. I'm not so concerned about my body, I want my mind to be ravaged by the delicate savage that is Woman. I also want to penetrate Woman deeply, as I open my heart I wish to feel a heart open and yielding into my love.
However my depth is terrible. I have seen into the very depth of my soul, and I'm not afraid to bare it. It is bravery as much as it is foolishness. I dare share my heart without reciprocation - a very dangerous ability. I bare my heart before others are ready to see it, and so many beautiful women have been driven away by their ow inability to reach into their own depths. And all I want is love. I am gentle, kind and disparaging of force.
I wish to be more skillful. I wish not to pry another's love open, the biggest turn on ever is another opening their love, and legs willingly, earnestly, excitedly. I want a lover who's a lubricated for me mentally as she is physically. What I'm asking for may be more than the world has, but I doubt that. I know the world and it is full of intimate, and infinite surprises.
What I'm waiting for, is for myself to relax enough to see all the beauty, all the willingness around me. Such willingness may not have the cloak im looking for, but there are so many wet and willing situations in the world. So many situations are inviting to me. I pretend to see myself clearly, but I have sophisticated ways of hiding from myself. There is no telling that my showing of a brave heart, could just as well be a ploy to keep those that would totally ravage it away, there's a chance I'm more clever than most. There's a chance that I'm using my heart to hide.
So I suppose what I'm waiting for is for the world to pin me down and ravage me. Perhaps for my best orgasm ever, all I need to do is relax.
To jerk off, or to meditate?
