Before I get into it, quick note: YES, I really am a virgin. My blog before last mentioned it and I heard that some people were confused. I REALLY have not had sex and I REALLY have not kissed anyone.
-Now, as far as Friday night...a lesser man would have been fucking. In a nutshell, I went drinking with a longtime friend whom I've had mutual attraction with ever since we met. BUT, she's always with someone. So, once she got a few drinks in her, she started rubbing my thigh, squeezing my cock through my jeans and even texted me (being right next to me, mind you) with, "God I need you inside me." [yesterday, she recoiled and texted me apologizing and saying it was meant for her BF...] Before I did something I was gonna regret, I finally pulled my hands away completely and looked the other way. Blue balls, mind fuck and frustration. I really can't think of who I'd rather my first time be with...now every time I think of sex (which is infinite times a day), I think of this night and think of her. I yearn for it that much more and wonder what it would have been like that more frequently.
-So, life is good...I'm just a little angry and the most sexually frustrated I've ever been in my life hahahaha. I've known her for almost a decade and love her to death, but it was a very fucked up night. I'm proud of myself for doing the right thing, but lately, doing the right thing has been really hard and felt horrible haha. Right does NOT equal easy- I'm beginning to see that the "right" thing to do is usually the HARDER thing to do.
+New music IS on the way.
+Have made an amazing new friend in Asbury. Her friendship alone makes my entire SG membership worth everything.
-Every night before bed, I feel anxiety in my chest. It scares me and I don't know how to stop it. I don't want to become dependent on substances to help but I don't know how to stop it. I stress too much. I over-analyze. I need to get laid.
Overall though, life is good. Don't know if I'll be in CA by the end of the year...don't know if I'll be able to afford it but more on that as it comes/happens.
How are all of you?
Love you all
MF
-Now, as far as Friday night...a lesser man would have been fucking. In a nutshell, I went drinking with a longtime friend whom I've had mutual attraction with ever since we met. BUT, she's always with someone. So, once she got a few drinks in her, she started rubbing my thigh, squeezing my cock through my jeans and even texted me (being right next to me, mind you) with, "God I need you inside me." [yesterday, she recoiled and texted me apologizing and saying it was meant for her BF...] Before I did something I was gonna regret, I finally pulled my hands away completely and looked the other way. Blue balls, mind fuck and frustration. I really can't think of who I'd rather my first time be with...now every time I think of sex (which is infinite times a day), I think of this night and think of her. I yearn for it that much more and wonder what it would have been like that more frequently.
-So, life is good...I'm just a little angry and the most sexually frustrated I've ever been in my life hahahaha. I've known her for almost a decade and love her to death, but it was a very fucked up night. I'm proud of myself for doing the right thing, but lately, doing the right thing has been really hard and felt horrible haha. Right does NOT equal easy- I'm beginning to see that the "right" thing to do is usually the HARDER thing to do.
+New music IS on the way.
+Have made an amazing new friend in Asbury. Her friendship alone makes my entire SG membership worth everything.
-Every night before bed, I feel anxiety in my chest. It scares me and I don't know how to stop it. I don't want to become dependent on substances to help but I don't know how to stop it. I stress too much. I over-analyze. I need to get laid.
Overall though, life is good. Don't know if I'll be in CA by the end of the year...don't know if I'll be able to afford it but more on that as it comes/happens.
How are all of you?
Love you all
MF
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
christmasjones:
Wait if u are seriously a virgin, can I ask why?
machinefuck:
CJ: Yes, I am a virgin. Reason being that the right opportunity hasn't presented itself yet. I'm not saying the first person I sleep with has to be the love of my life, but I got started pretty late. I wasn't "allowed" to date until I was 18 and didn't have any self-confidence until then and later. I didn't really ask anyone out or express interest in anyone in high school and when I graduated, everyone I DID approach either had boyfriends and didn't tell me (until he answered the phone), weren't attracted to me or took extreme advantage of my friendship. More recently, I have gone out with a lot of girls whom are "crazy" in that, they tell me that they actually ARE crazy and they won't tell me why. Or, shit like this happens. I've just never been in a situation conducive to progression.