I recorded a video and tried to put it up...there was gonna be a vblog afoot but alas. Actually, I'm glad it didn't go up, because it ended up being a misunderstanding on my part and I got really upset and emotional. Sounds complicated- yeah, it is hah.
Sure, I may be blessed with the gift of scribe (I don't say gift of gab because sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. The truth is, my tongue and my body sometimes betray me in ways that the written word cannot) but I've never been a fan of huge blog posts. Perhaps I only feel this way because there's nothing I really have to say at such a volume that would interest people. That's why I like lists.
New Things In My Life
*I used to call myself a Buddhist- an SGI Buddhist at that. This year, I have been questioning my faith. I haven't been chanting. I'm sure laziness factors in- as much as I may hate to admit that- but I also know that my questioning has deeper roots than that. Do I really believe in every single thing I read or hear from this practice? No. Has it helped me and others? Yes. But there are just some realizations that force me to walk along a different road. Perhaps it is time I carve my own path. How can I put a label on my own, individual road/journey? Some of the best buddhists I know are the most closed-minded people anyhow. Shakyamuni (Siddharta) said himself to not follow anything that doesn't resonate with you, including any of his teachings. He knew better than us all- thank you.
*New hair (as you can see).
*New mixtape/music in progress. I questioned my motives behind this project because it is much less personal than my previous material, and I know it may turn a lot of people off. At the end of the day though, it is still me; perhaps a specific element of my psyche that I don't really express through anything outside of music, but me nonetheless. I cannot please everybody with ANYTHING I do. If I tried to with music, I'd still be working on my first project and it would probably never come out. If you were a fan of the older stuff and end up not liking the new stuff...oh well. Better luck next time.
Things SG Has Taught Me
-I AM a Sexy Beast (not meaning this in the comical, sarcastic sense of yesteryear's James. No, now it is a fact- I am a sexy man. Time to learn, embrace, realize and act through this truth.)
-The line between love, sex and friendship is a dotted one. Must be careful. I love enjoying the fruits of life, but the idea of hurting those planting the seeds kills me.
-I am TOO much of a good person. What do I mean by this? Well, I am extremely compassionate and caring. I LOVE this about myself, but I ended up crying my eyes out at the idea that I hurt and betrayed someone when I did nothing and nothing was wrong in the first place. Yes, I cry. I LIKE having a good cry when I need it; it cleanses my body and mind. If I'm less of a man because of this, perhaps your definition and my definition vary from each other. I don't want to try to change this, per say: I just need to have more faith in myself and my decisions. I am a great person, remember that me.
-I can't keep a wall around my heart. I've let someone in and it feels good. Of course, her distance and silence hurts, but if it's what is necessary, so be it. Had I never let anyone in again, I would not have had such great experiences with anybody on here. I have feelings for her, and that's ok, but truthfully and logically, she's not ready and we have not met, so I should proceed accordingly. We are not officially together. How could we be? When you are ready babyy, let me know. Until then I must come to terms with the fact that I am still single. Don't be afraid of it. Accept it, move forward and have fun! Nothing to be afraid of J.
-Love, affection, friendship...fuck, ANY and ALL genuine connections and communications with other human beings no no boundaries or difference whether formed in person or across a distance, as we do here on SG. I have met so many great people and made many a great friend. I thank and care about you all and strive to do right by you.
-I will always make mistakes- we all do. As long as I learn from them and forgive myself, I'll be ok.
Did NOT expect to write this much. I apologize for that haha. If you made it through the whole thing, wow! I'm frankly amazed. Thanks for caring so much!
MF
Sure, I may be blessed with the gift of scribe (I don't say gift of gab because sometimes I find myself at a loss for words. The truth is, my tongue and my body sometimes betray me in ways that the written word cannot) but I've never been a fan of huge blog posts. Perhaps I only feel this way because there's nothing I really have to say at such a volume that would interest people. That's why I like lists.
New Things In My Life
*I used to call myself a Buddhist- an SGI Buddhist at that. This year, I have been questioning my faith. I haven't been chanting. I'm sure laziness factors in- as much as I may hate to admit that- but I also know that my questioning has deeper roots than that. Do I really believe in every single thing I read or hear from this practice? No. Has it helped me and others? Yes. But there are just some realizations that force me to walk along a different road. Perhaps it is time I carve my own path. How can I put a label on my own, individual road/journey? Some of the best buddhists I know are the most closed-minded people anyhow. Shakyamuni (Siddharta) said himself to not follow anything that doesn't resonate with you, including any of his teachings. He knew better than us all- thank you.
*New hair (as you can see).
*New mixtape/music in progress. I questioned my motives behind this project because it is much less personal than my previous material, and I know it may turn a lot of people off. At the end of the day though, it is still me; perhaps a specific element of my psyche that I don't really express through anything outside of music, but me nonetheless. I cannot please everybody with ANYTHING I do. If I tried to with music, I'd still be working on my first project and it would probably never come out. If you were a fan of the older stuff and end up not liking the new stuff...oh well. Better luck next time.
Things SG Has Taught Me
-I AM a Sexy Beast (not meaning this in the comical, sarcastic sense of yesteryear's James. No, now it is a fact- I am a sexy man. Time to learn, embrace, realize and act through this truth.)
-The line between love, sex and friendship is a dotted one. Must be careful. I love enjoying the fruits of life, but the idea of hurting those planting the seeds kills me.
-I am TOO much of a good person. What do I mean by this? Well, I am extremely compassionate and caring. I LOVE this about myself, but I ended up crying my eyes out at the idea that I hurt and betrayed someone when I did nothing and nothing was wrong in the first place. Yes, I cry. I LIKE having a good cry when I need it; it cleanses my body and mind. If I'm less of a man because of this, perhaps your definition and my definition vary from each other. I don't want to try to change this, per say: I just need to have more faith in myself and my decisions. I am a great person, remember that me.
-I can't keep a wall around my heart. I've let someone in and it feels good. Of course, her distance and silence hurts, but if it's what is necessary, so be it. Had I never let anyone in again, I would not have had such great experiences with anybody on here. I have feelings for her, and that's ok, but truthfully and logically, she's not ready and we have not met, so I should proceed accordingly. We are not officially together. How could we be? When you are ready babyy, let me know. Until then I must come to terms with the fact that I am still single. Don't be afraid of it. Accept it, move forward and have fun! Nothing to be afraid of J.
-Love, affection, friendship...fuck, ANY and ALL genuine connections and communications with other human beings no no boundaries or difference whether formed in person or across a distance, as we do here on SG. I have met so many great people and made many a great friend. I thank and care about you all and strive to do right by you.
-I will always make mistakes- we all do. As long as I learn from them and forgive myself, I'll be ok.
Did NOT expect to write this much. I apologize for that haha. If you made it through the whole thing, wow! I'm frankly amazed. Thanks for caring so much!
MF
VIEW 10 of 10 COMMENTS
hexxus:
yesh! i love it!!! how are you?
austere:
aw thanks ! you rock!