so it's about 4 days til my 21st birthday.
and all i can think about 'is anyone actually going to show up'
fucking paranoid is my middle name.
oh well im planning on getting so goddamned trashed that i dont remember anyone or anything.
but that's not really the point of this. anytime i talk about stuff that's actually going on it's never the point. it's just for the sake of writing.
you know what i'm talking about, same thing as those empty conversations you have with people. the ones where you just KNOW that if oyu could just think of something to talk about you'd have soooo much in common.
the one that when you think you think of something and it comes rolling off your lips it ends up sounding so much better in your head so you end up jsut shutting up and shutting off.
the ones that make you not talk to anyone unless you're spoken to. the ones that make you scared to say anything stupid for fear of ruining any chances at friendships or relationships.
you watch other people laugh and talk easily with eachother and all you can think is how jealous you are of them. how well they speak to eachother, and wish how much ease they do it. even if there's a quiet moment in their conversations it's not awkward.
i'm constantly looking at my shoes or messing with my hands, cheeks blushing nonstop. i stumble over my words when i try to talk to people.
i'm not even sure where this is going, maybe i'll pick it back up when my thoughts aren't so scattered.
and all i can think about 'is anyone actually going to show up'
fucking paranoid is my middle name.
oh well im planning on getting so goddamned trashed that i dont remember anyone or anything.
but that's not really the point of this. anytime i talk about stuff that's actually going on it's never the point. it's just for the sake of writing.
you know what i'm talking about, same thing as those empty conversations you have with people. the ones where you just KNOW that if oyu could just think of something to talk about you'd have soooo much in common.
the one that when you think you think of something and it comes rolling off your lips it ends up sounding so much better in your head so you end up jsut shutting up and shutting off.
the ones that make you not talk to anyone unless you're spoken to. the ones that make you scared to say anything stupid for fear of ruining any chances at friendships or relationships.
you watch other people laugh and talk easily with eachother and all you can think is how jealous you are of them. how well they speak to eachother, and wish how much ease they do it. even if there's a quiet moment in their conversations it's not awkward.
i'm constantly looking at my shoes or messing with my hands, cheeks blushing nonstop. i stumble over my words when i try to talk to people.
i'm not even sure where this is going, maybe i'll pick it back up when my thoughts aren't so scattered.
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:-)