Almost none of you know this, but I am a birth mother. I placed my son for adoption several years ago. Truth be told, it was the hardest choice I've ever made. I spent 7 months preparing to have a child. I went to stores, and picked out toys and read books...I even remember sitting in the children's section of barnes and noble and reading books to my belly.
However, part of me always knew what the right choice to make was. The father was a bad person, and by three months into the pregnancy I was homeless, jobless, and I had lawyers trying to keep a bad person out of my life. I never saw myself being a mother before I was pregnant. But, when it comes, you have this re-evaluation of what your life can be. I saw myself picking out schools and struggling to get by, dressing my kid and changing diapers. Truth be told, at the time, it was the best life I could imagine for myself. I'd given up on my future and I was going to spend my life trying to give one to someone else.
But I didn't have the means to do that. I needed to face the reality that I couldn't give my child that life. The fact that he would be born in a homeless shelter and would have to live with my hatred for his father, was just something I couldn't force on a child. I spent the next two months searching through papers with faces and biographies of families, until I found someone just right, just in time. When I met them, it was like destiny.
I saw his life flash before my eyes, this beautiful life with three parents who would do anything for him and where he could go to a good school, and live in the same house with a dog and his own bedroom. I felt like a mom more than ever. The day my son was born, I saw him in his mothers arms and it was the happiest moment of my life. I gave life to 3 people that day.
The funny thing is, I got another chance at my life, where I could find my own dreams too. I've heard so many people say hurtful things about adoption but it really is a beautiful thing when it's done right.
