lately my sleeping patterns have been odd and infrequent. odd, feeling myself trying to deal the way I would with an inate reaction - do not feel.
how does she not feel you ask me.
***************************************************
once there was a girl who was accepting of her fate, it being anything of her creation. she knew too young that she could be anything she desired, just work for it. focus. let your mind flock with a passion around your interest and make the happiness you feel eminate through the world. make your mark. be everyday the best person you can put out there.
there was so much hope back then, so large her baby blues shone against the pale epithelial layer that was dressed in golden and platinum waves.... so small and fraile she was, a small thing. five foot one for eighth grade graduation, wore 3 inch heels. her father and family were ten minutes late. she was one of three people to achieve first honors in all studies, she the only female. she joined the choir members of her grade in song, including floating the soprano solo while staring into her father's eyes and suddenly fogging due to tears and - ever the professional - hit her notes anyway without a sob. it was a good day to be proud. too young to realize looking around how much support would be there in the future.
they co-existed from then on, roommates if you will. she was told he had done all he could, she would make her own choices now. and then she began her freshman year of high school.
the only time he ever laid an arm on her was later when she was just graduating high school and arguing him with a passion; she wanted to know why her stepmother was so insistant on the father MAKING the girl invite her to an achievement in which that woman had no positive part in whatsoever. the girl's voice was so insistant and she, for the first time, stood up to him regarding the things they never said due to his inability to admit and be apologetic for. she decided she was no longer to be polite. and after the arm to her throat and the sneer that struck her as foreign, he let go and she moved out a week after. without any notice.
he saved her room for a year. he had come home to an empty room with just a floor lamp and mattress. all her collages from her insomniac high school nights, walls covered in magazine pictures and photos, words and saying, all meticulously cut and shaped into a mosaic. it had taken her hours upon hours of late nights, talking on the phone with her ex-boyfriend (first french kiss and sheriff's escort home) until two sometimes four AM.
the insomnia stays. the telephone she does not care to have ring. she is shutting down, huddling in the corner of her room - trying not to be scared of the unknown. being hopeful is her only happiness these days, but the rainclouds have not cleared at all through the weekend.
***************************************************
I loved seeing you all at the party this weekend down in the OC. I drove home and went to bed by 6am. I was so exhausted... but strangely relaxed. I owe you all some time with the well rested angel instead of no-sleep-girl from saturday late that night. but I LOVED seeing you ChrisChick cuz you are the coolest girl I know.. I must drive some more to see you... and the new place. we are moving at the same time.
april 1st. and chickwithwings, you are a fucking cutie pie. we just need a whole damn day to chat... soon as my life gets re-ordered again. give me til the beginning of april, please? and all the rest of you rock as well. not a bad egg in the house. thanks for the hospitality! 
oh and the influence for above? getting back into my writing, wanted to share my thoughts... and just get it out. it is my theropy and practice for my book I am compiling currently. one of my many projects to fill the hours and stay focused. one goal at a time someone once said to me. so please, leave commentary if you like. opinions help my selections.
I think I am just going to smile and rock like a hurricane.
how does she not feel you ask me.
***************************************************
once there was a girl who was accepting of her fate, it being anything of her creation. she knew too young that she could be anything she desired, just work for it. focus. let your mind flock with a passion around your interest and make the happiness you feel eminate through the world. make your mark. be everyday the best person you can put out there.
there was so much hope back then, so large her baby blues shone against the pale epithelial layer that was dressed in golden and platinum waves.... so small and fraile she was, a small thing. five foot one for eighth grade graduation, wore 3 inch heels. her father and family were ten minutes late. she was one of three people to achieve first honors in all studies, she the only female. she joined the choir members of her grade in song, including floating the soprano solo while staring into her father's eyes and suddenly fogging due to tears and - ever the professional - hit her notes anyway without a sob. it was a good day to be proud. too young to realize looking around how much support would be there in the future.
they co-existed from then on, roommates if you will. she was told he had done all he could, she would make her own choices now. and then she began her freshman year of high school.
the only time he ever laid an arm on her was later when she was just graduating high school and arguing him with a passion; she wanted to know why her stepmother was so insistant on the father MAKING the girl invite her to an achievement in which that woman had no positive part in whatsoever. the girl's voice was so insistant and she, for the first time, stood up to him regarding the things they never said due to his inability to admit and be apologetic for. she decided she was no longer to be polite. and after the arm to her throat and the sneer that struck her as foreign, he let go and she moved out a week after. without any notice.
he saved her room for a year. he had come home to an empty room with just a floor lamp and mattress. all her collages from her insomniac high school nights, walls covered in magazine pictures and photos, words and saying, all meticulously cut and shaped into a mosaic. it had taken her hours upon hours of late nights, talking on the phone with her ex-boyfriend (first french kiss and sheriff's escort home) until two sometimes four AM.
the insomnia stays. the telephone she does not care to have ring. she is shutting down, huddling in the corner of her room - trying not to be scared of the unknown. being hopeful is her only happiness these days, but the rainclouds have not cleared at all through the weekend.
***************************************************
I loved seeing you all at the party this weekend down in the OC. I drove home and went to bed by 6am. I was so exhausted... but strangely relaxed. I owe you all some time with the well rested angel instead of no-sleep-girl from saturday late that night. but I LOVED seeing you ChrisChick cuz you are the coolest girl I know.. I must drive some more to see you... and the new place. we are moving at the same time.
april 1st. and chickwithwings, you are a fucking cutie pie. we just need a whole damn day to chat... soon as my life gets re-ordered again. give me til the beginning of april, please? and all the rest of you rock as well. not a bad egg in the house. thanks for the hospitality!
oh and the influence for above? getting back into my writing, wanted to share my thoughts... and just get it out. it is my theropy and practice for my book I am compiling currently. one of my many projects to fill the hours and stay focused. one goal at a time someone once said to me. so please, leave commentary if you like. opinions help my selections.
I think I am just going to smile and rock like a hurricane.
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Hello Again.