JOURNAL:
my room is so cold at night here... I think I am going to bypass paying my cell bill again (since money is not getting better... more on that in a minute) so I can move more of my shit into the house including my box spring and mattress (make the bed the only thing of concern... will make the small room seem bigger and help my back), my comforters and my linens and towels... I never knew how much those can be missed! I think that trip is happening today. but the nails must be done as well... fuck!
a weekend job is necessary now... I spent NOTHING this past one and still no cell bill paid. I introduced myself to the night manager last night though at the RAINBOW and he said he needed people to cover for the girls at night pretty often... so we shall see... today is "move the rest of the crap in" day and see my stepfather.
*he is really sick. that is all I am admitting right now. but it is sucking... so if you know me personally, yeah*
the couple have been really sweet. $170 more to pay for rent... and it is almost through January. Yikes.
my horoscope today:
Thursday, January 13, 2005
taurus horoscope
Your Thursday Horoscope Angel*!
Today's stern message: your frustrations and lack of progress can be blamed on one person and one person alone: you. Once you can accept that this is why you got there, you will be further along on the way to resolving these setbacks.
yep. how many times am I guilty of this though? I find it happening a bit here and there... maybe that should be acknowledged. maybe a lot of my shit doesn't just happen but is the effect of a cause I set in motion? all the bad luck though? do not get me wrong... I see "luck" as flat tires and 10 days of rain making no one go to lunch at the patio of a certain sunset strip relic and thus making no money, not me getting fired. I had quite a bit to do with that one.
so we are working that kink out today.. and Tantra should be visited this evening where I will speak to someone (the guy was on vacation... and I have visited a few others but I want that one) about starting at any level I can so the money, however small, can be made. Rent must be paid and I need to keep this shit going.... "fuck yeah!"
- isn't there an 80's song or semi-parody that says that every other lyric? it is an 80s hard rock big hair styled... if you know, tell me. it is going to drive me nuts all day -
I should call my mom today. let her know I am okay. actually, I should call a lot of my family today. and go see my stepfather while moving some stuff. :le sigh: I hate obligations, I think that is why it is so easy to be okay without my immediate and extended family - well most of it. I do have my bros and sis (minus two of nine), my mom and her mom, stepdad and his mom and son. that should be enough, right?
sometimes yes, most of the time - NO. I wish I had some people closer to me... my friends were good subs until I really started screwing up - that was not fair to the people who did care ( and I still apologize)...
I am a mess today. I am sorry. I just miss being held and told things will be okay and actually believe them. I miss being fragile and it being okay. I miss feeling... I have been hiding from that one too... I love the reading I am doing though....
most of all I miss my Prince .
how the fuck do I live with myself admitting that one?
"everyone needs someone sometimes" - jewel
shut up, jewel rocks.
mahalo,
~ the angel*
when I was 13, my girlfriend and I spent all summer listening to the GRATEFUL DEAD and RANCID, the CRAMPS, SEX PISTOLS etc and smoked cigarettes (she, not me yet) while drinking coffee... we were cool shit. she nicknamed me "angel of darkness" because of my morbid dispostion and thoughts of life. - I ran into her the other day, she reminded me of that story thus the nickname now. HUH.
my room is so cold at night here... I think I am going to bypass paying my cell bill again (since money is not getting better... more on that in a minute) so I can move more of my shit into the house including my box spring and mattress (make the bed the only thing of concern... will make the small room seem bigger and help my back), my comforters and my linens and towels... I never knew how much those can be missed! I think that trip is happening today. but the nails must be done as well... fuck!
a weekend job is necessary now... I spent NOTHING this past one and still no cell bill paid. I introduced myself to the night manager last night though at the RAINBOW and he said he needed people to cover for the girls at night pretty often... so we shall see... today is "move the rest of the crap in" day and see my stepfather.
*he is really sick. that is all I am admitting right now. but it is sucking... so if you know me personally, yeah*
the couple have been really sweet. $170 more to pay for rent... and it is almost through January. Yikes.
my horoscope today:
Thursday, January 13, 2005
taurus horoscope
Your Thursday Horoscope Angel*!
Today's stern message: your frustrations and lack of progress can be blamed on one person and one person alone: you. Once you can accept that this is why you got there, you will be further along on the way to resolving these setbacks.
yep. how many times am I guilty of this though? I find it happening a bit here and there... maybe that should be acknowledged. maybe a lot of my shit doesn't just happen but is the effect of a cause I set in motion? all the bad luck though? do not get me wrong... I see "luck" as flat tires and 10 days of rain making no one go to lunch at the patio of a certain sunset strip relic and thus making no money, not me getting fired. I had quite a bit to do with that one.
so we are working that kink out today.. and Tantra should be visited this evening where I will speak to someone (the guy was on vacation... and I have visited a few others but I want that one) about starting at any level I can so the money, however small, can be made. Rent must be paid and I need to keep this shit going.... "fuck yeah!"
- isn't there an 80's song or semi-parody that says that every other lyric? it is an 80s hard rock big hair styled... if you know, tell me. it is going to drive me nuts all day -
I should call my mom today. let her know I am okay. actually, I should call a lot of my family today. and go see my stepfather while moving some stuff. :le sigh: I hate obligations, I think that is why it is so easy to be okay without my immediate and extended family - well most of it. I do have my bros and sis (minus two of nine), my mom and her mom, stepdad and his mom and son. that should be enough, right?
sometimes yes, most of the time - NO. I wish I had some people closer to me... my friends were good subs until I really started screwing up - that was not fair to the people who did care ( and I still apologize)...
I am a mess today. I am sorry. I just miss being held and told things will be okay and actually believe them. I miss being fragile and it being okay. I miss feeling... I have been hiding from that one too... I love the reading I am doing though....
most of all I miss my Prince .
how the fuck do I live with myself admitting that one?
"everyone needs someone sometimes" - jewel
shut up, jewel rocks.
mahalo,
~ the angel*
when I was 13, my girlfriend and I spent all summer listening to the GRATEFUL DEAD and RANCID, the CRAMPS, SEX PISTOLS etc and smoked cigarettes (she, not me yet) while drinking coffee... we were cool shit. she nicknamed me "angel of darkness" because of my morbid dispostion and thoughts of life. - I ran into her the other day, she reminded me of that story thus the nickname now. HUH.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
javert:
Hey sweetie! Do to all the bad weather out there and a couple of financial setbacks here, I don't think I'll make it out to LA 'til Feb....
mojobites:
I am in Long Beach. A malibu hike could be good, I have some different ideas as well. Whats your schedule like?