JOURNAL:
The day after thanksgiving I spent the morning talking about writing a dramatic series with my writing friend in Hollywood. I spent all yesterday there discussing everything under the sun. I spent my holiday with my buddy Tony, his ex-wife/still best friend Majo and their friend Christian, and sometimes Melissa. cool people. all older than I am by a little bit of time.
Why am I 22 and hanging out with people 28-42? I mean in years of age? And here is the next question.... why is it when I give up on looking for a partner or just stop looking for someone all together, someone walks into my life?
...let me 'splain.
I am working at the restaurant on monday night, it is a little slow but we were minus one person = we are still flowing. This guy sits down at the counter and smiles at me, I am busy so it takes me almost 10 minutes for me to get to him for his order... still smiling.
He orders some soup and some coffee and water.
We chat a little bit. He used to live in the Marina, had come in a few times before to see another waitress (cute short scottish woman in her mid-fifties, a riot) and had noticed me. Apparently he had been driving by and saw I was working so he came in. He was cute, I was interested, we joked and talked... I asked him if I could buy him a drink. And I did.
Leaving the restaurant after work, I was dressed casual and to have some times... I had to work in the afternoon the next day, it is all good. We end up having a few drinks, hanging out, kissing, talking... and sleeping. Curled up together... and he really really likes me (as it seems). He is a perfect gentleman, took me to get manicure and peticure the next morning, we drove his little Audi TT up to Malibu for a while, I drove the way back and DAMN! that little car is fun! I learned he is a perfect gentleman and also works for the Mercedes Benz in Laguna Miguel as a Finance guy... blah blah... on vacation this week... would love to see me again... dropped me off right before I have to go back to work. He is amazing.
... um, he is 35.
Hespanic, great family, successful, about to buy a house down in Laguna Beach. Saw me again Thanksgiving night, we had dinner at VITO'S Italian Restaurant for an amazing meal with an amazing bottle of wine by PAZZO, which means "crazy" in italian. It is a great bottle,... and I had a lot to drink after that. He makes me nervous. So I drank.
*he sees through my games and the coy nature. he breaks me down and makes me want to be a better person. he convinced me it is not all my fault and I am not as bad of a person that I think I am. he makes me believe in me again and I want to be a sober better person because of knowing him. we made love - and it was the first time I was ever intimate with someone like that. the first time I felt loved and charished. how did I not know until now what that felt like? is it possible that there is an intimacy I have not known?*
We spent the evening til morning together, talking. He broke down a lot of barriers.. and that scares me. I cried a lot, discussed my frustrations with myself, the nightmare that I woke up in and how I want to be better but have a hard time knowing what I am doing for myself is right... I felt vulnerable and exposed, like I was going to have that little door I opened ripped off the hinges and invaded - and I will not be able to stop him from hurting me with the weakness I revealed. I AM SO SCARED.
He called me earlier today. He wants to drive out and see me. Today. In the 909 - he wants to come to me. Shit, he is so unexpected.
I am confused and scared but intregued. He makes me feel like a queen.
... speaking of unexpected, I got a phone call from guess who yesterday evening.... yep - Prince Charming. To say he was just returning back into town and was fully recovered, wishing me a happy thanksgiving and telling me he is thankful for me.
....
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
The day AFTER I write him off... thinking he just wanted to go and leave me.. never call me etc. and he fucking has the balls to call me two months later and leave a sweet message like that. ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! :face turns bright red, she pulls her hair: YOU ARE DRIVING ME MAD!!!!!
and I will probably fucking call him. Right after my run today. I am not finished with him yet. I decided I want to know what he wants from me. I want him - always have. But he cannot let me in. What a fucking joke this mess of a relationship is. Glad I have that TV piolet to work on... can get one of my characters involved with the same situation...
yeah, the dramatic series. I am going to write it. I love the idea, it is really good... perhaps when I get a proposal together I can post it here, see what you all think. The setting will be Los Angeles, primarily at night. Should be on Showtime or HBO, this is not a tv idea. It is really good so far though, I promise. As for the real life, I am going to call that fucking prick of mine that I am addicted to. No not the ex, he is out of the picture perminately (really, not kidding). Now just the "pain my ass" disappears every two months inconsistant selfish ass of a writer Prince Charming must be dealt with.
where is the phone? I know, I am pathetic at times.
LOVE IS BLIND BUT HIEGNSIGHT IS 20/20.
mahalo lovers,
puss puss,
~ the angel*
The day after thanksgiving I spent the morning talking about writing a dramatic series with my writing friend in Hollywood. I spent all yesterday there discussing everything under the sun. I spent my holiday with my buddy Tony, his ex-wife/still best friend Majo and their friend Christian, and sometimes Melissa. cool people. all older than I am by a little bit of time.
Why am I 22 and hanging out with people 28-42? I mean in years of age? And here is the next question.... why is it when I give up on looking for a partner or just stop looking for someone all together, someone walks into my life?
...let me 'splain.
I am working at the restaurant on monday night, it is a little slow but we were minus one person = we are still flowing. This guy sits down at the counter and smiles at me, I am busy so it takes me almost 10 minutes for me to get to him for his order... still smiling.
He orders some soup and some coffee and water.
We chat a little bit. He used to live in the Marina, had come in a few times before to see another waitress (cute short scottish woman in her mid-fifties, a riot) and had noticed me. Apparently he had been driving by and saw I was working so he came in. He was cute, I was interested, we joked and talked... I asked him if I could buy him a drink. And I did.
Leaving the restaurant after work, I was dressed casual and to have some times... I had to work in the afternoon the next day, it is all good. We end up having a few drinks, hanging out, kissing, talking... and sleeping. Curled up together... and he really really likes me (as it seems). He is a perfect gentleman, took me to get manicure and peticure the next morning, we drove his little Audi TT up to Malibu for a while, I drove the way back and DAMN! that little car is fun! I learned he is a perfect gentleman and also works for the Mercedes Benz in Laguna Miguel as a Finance guy... blah blah... on vacation this week... would love to see me again... dropped me off right before I have to go back to work. He is amazing.
... um, he is 35.
Hespanic, great family, successful, about to buy a house down in Laguna Beach. Saw me again Thanksgiving night, we had dinner at VITO'S Italian Restaurant for an amazing meal with an amazing bottle of wine by PAZZO, which means "crazy" in italian. It is a great bottle,... and I had a lot to drink after that. He makes me nervous. So I drank.
*he sees through my games and the coy nature. he breaks me down and makes me want to be a better person. he convinced me it is not all my fault and I am not as bad of a person that I think I am. he makes me believe in me again and I want to be a sober better person because of knowing him. we made love - and it was the first time I was ever intimate with someone like that. the first time I felt loved and charished. how did I not know until now what that felt like? is it possible that there is an intimacy I have not known?*
We spent the evening til morning together, talking. He broke down a lot of barriers.. and that scares me. I cried a lot, discussed my frustrations with myself, the nightmare that I woke up in and how I want to be better but have a hard time knowing what I am doing for myself is right... I felt vulnerable and exposed, like I was going to have that little door I opened ripped off the hinges and invaded - and I will not be able to stop him from hurting me with the weakness I revealed. I AM SO SCARED.
He called me earlier today. He wants to drive out and see me. Today. In the 909 - he wants to come to me. Shit, he is so unexpected.
I am confused and scared but intregued. He makes me feel like a queen.
... speaking of unexpected, I got a phone call from guess who yesterday evening.... yep - Prince Charming. To say he was just returning back into town and was fully recovered, wishing me a happy thanksgiving and telling me he is thankful for me.
....
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
The day AFTER I write him off... thinking he just wanted to go and leave me.. never call me etc. and he fucking has the balls to call me two months later and leave a sweet message like that. ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! :face turns bright red, she pulls her hair: YOU ARE DRIVING ME MAD!!!!!
and I will probably fucking call him. Right after my run today. I am not finished with him yet. I decided I want to know what he wants from me. I want him - always have. But he cannot let me in. What a fucking joke this mess of a relationship is. Glad I have that TV piolet to work on... can get one of my characters involved with the same situation...
yeah, the dramatic series. I am going to write it. I love the idea, it is really good... perhaps when I get a proposal together I can post it here, see what you all think. The setting will be Los Angeles, primarily at night. Should be on Showtime or HBO, this is not a tv idea. It is really good so far though, I promise. As for the real life, I am going to call that fucking prick of mine that I am addicted to. No not the ex, he is out of the picture perminately (really, not kidding). Now just the "pain my ass" disappears every two months inconsistant selfish ass of a writer Prince Charming must be dealt with.
where is the phone?
I know, I am pathetic at times.
LOVE IS BLIND BUT HIEGNSIGHT IS 20/20.
mahalo lovers,
puss puss,
~ the angel*
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
itsalivemedia:
And you like Stripperella????? Wow....I was the music supervisor on that show. Bummer it ended after one season....what a nice gig!
0theamazingrando:
Great googley moogley... that's quite a journal entry.. my current one could never compete...