JOURNAL:
** TO ALL SGer'S WHO LEAVE ME COMMENTS: YOU MAKE MY DAY! PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK.. I WILL GET BACK INTO IT WHEN THE DUST and I SETTLE...***
To tell the truth.....
what is that? to tell the truth.
That is what I want to know.
I have realized that, besides here, I lie.
A lot.
embellish on experience, take things as my own. When did this begin? When did this happen? Did I fall into an abyss and wake up fake?
Yes. I did. Here I am, ROCKING LIKE A HURRICANE. Not happy, working again with a schedule but still struggling away.
The Debt Consolodation is still fucked up.. I have to make phone calls. Ew.
My restaurant is so happy to have me back. I love work there. It rocks. I love the clientele.. the people missed me.. and they love the brunette me.
Story...
So I am working at my old restaurant.. making bank and loving the place.. they are so glad to have me back.. really. I worked the closing shift (but talked a female employee SOMEHOW into doing most of my sidework.. nice) tonight and I am taking a table at around 9:20-ish. As I am chatting with the three ladies (they were cool) I notice a white SUV (protecting the innocent again) pulled up outside the windows.. now I am in Marina del Rey so that is rare at that time of night. It sits while I make nice and take orders.. there for about 8 minutes.. and then, when I close my book to leave, it takes off. Now, I was checking it out. Looked alot like my ex's. And what do I think?
"Naw, can't be"
Sure 'nuff, truck pulls away and the back tail light on the left side is out, windows blacked out... sticker on the right hand side. It was my ex. I would be surprised if it wasn't. Now, all I have to ask is... WTF?
Why would he do that?
He admitted when we were together to have sat in the parking lot of the restuarant watching me work.. he loved it. He said he could see my work ethic and see how I worked the tables.. loved it. Was he doing that again?
Now, I do not know FOR SURE if it was him. Does it matter? We shall see. But WHY?
We broke up, we know there is no future for us. We DO NOT WORK and DO NOT WANT THE SAME THINGS. I want to be normal and sober enough... pot excluded. I want a partner. I want someone who can encourage my good sides and help me though the bad. Not a child who needs an alpha female.
But I love him.
Sad, isn't it? I am pathetic.
BUT I did get a huge compliment tonight......
Not only did I walk out with double what I was supposed to make in tips at the end of the night... GO ME.. but had an employee who just started a month ago tell me that he has never seen so many people react to me coming back. i e'splain: Every person who worked there at the joint (which is a lot since it has only been 3.5-4 months) who worked with me before is so happy to have me back.. I get told at least 4 x a shift. 4 shift so far. And he is right. It feels good to know that you are appreciated. And my GM is so glad cuz I told him - I like to work 7 days a week. I picked up 2 out of 4 shifts already.... and the girl that trained me (first time serving and then this time) told the GM that I was more than ready. They love me. Awesome.
So I am going to try and use it as an insturment (sp?) and try to work up to Management since I have so much history there. If not, next place, cuz they will see potential. Always do. That is why this place always takes me back, they know I am good. And damn it, that is so great...... "it makes me feel kinda' funny.. like when we used to climb the rope in gym class" ()name that movie) It is good to be appreciated.
So the Silverlake thing looks good.. and that is great. I want to get in, get my shit going, and start fresh. I need to love myself again - and I can do that here. Funny how I could not do it at home (it sufficated me) but can do it with friends). I am moving in with the couple... and they love me like an incestuous daughter. I love them right back.
Saw printgod for lunch today... his PA/buddy made a novel attempt at clearing my PC at home of the virus from SPYWARE.. BTW, if you read this K, it did not work. The computer went to my ex who changed the hard drive which was failing mechanically and successfully copied the whole thing.. work shit (thank GAWD he rocks) and then to discover that I got not one but 2 Trojan Horse viruses on it and then, when all is back to ODD but normal, the page that will not let go of the default homepage will... well, not let go! They tried and failed... yeah, tell your roomie he owes me some more time for amount of trade I gave to him since it is having the same issues... will call soon.
I realized that I, as a person, needs to grow on my own.. and even though it requires me to alienate my family and some friends... I have to do it. I need to find out why I am the way I am, why I fuck who I fuck - and why I do not let anyone in and, and the wife of the married couple says, "do not let anyone in and think it is 'me' against the world". WHY?
That is my issue. That is my work to do on myself. And I will be more "well-adjusted" as a person otherwise when those answers are found.
I just need to let sleeping dogs lie. The exs need to remain exs. And the sex needs to stop. BLAH!
Mahalo,
~ the angel*
PS - I might have a problem... will update later. Too much already written.
*** NEED TO DO A SET. WHO WANTS TO PLAY PHOTOGRAPHER? I HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE.... HIT ME UP***
** TO ALL SGer'S WHO LEAVE ME COMMENTS: YOU MAKE MY DAY! PLEASE KEEP COMING BACK.. I WILL GET BACK INTO IT WHEN THE DUST and I SETTLE...***
To tell the truth.....
what is that? to tell the truth.
That is what I want to know.
I have realized that, besides here, I lie.
A lot.
embellish on experience, take things as my own. When did this begin? When did this happen? Did I fall into an abyss and wake up fake?
Yes. I did. Here I am, ROCKING LIKE A HURRICANE. Not happy, working again with a schedule but still struggling away.
The Debt Consolodation is still fucked up.. I have to make phone calls. Ew.
My restaurant is so happy to have me back. I love work there. It rocks. I love the clientele.. the people missed me.. and they love the brunette me.
Story...
So I am working at my old restaurant.. making bank and loving the place.. they are so glad to have me back.. really. I worked the closing shift (but talked a female employee SOMEHOW into doing most of my sidework.. nice) tonight and I am taking a table at around 9:20-ish. As I am chatting with the three ladies (they were cool) I notice a white SUV (protecting the innocent again) pulled up outside the windows.. now I am in Marina del Rey so that is rare at that time of night. It sits while I make nice and take orders.. there for about 8 minutes.. and then, when I close my book to leave, it takes off. Now, I was checking it out. Looked alot like my ex's. And what do I think?
"Naw, can't be"
Sure 'nuff, truck pulls away and the back tail light on the left side is out, windows blacked out... sticker on the right hand side. It was my ex. I would be surprised if it wasn't. Now, all I have to ask is... WTF?
Why would he do that?
He admitted when we were together to have sat in the parking lot of the restuarant watching me work.. he loved it. He said he could see my work ethic and see how I worked the tables.. loved it. Was he doing that again?
Now, I do not know FOR SURE if it was him. Does it matter? We shall see. But WHY?
We broke up, we know there is no future for us. We DO NOT WORK and DO NOT WANT THE SAME THINGS. I want to be normal and sober enough... pot excluded. I want a partner. I want someone who can encourage my good sides and help me though the bad. Not a child who needs an alpha female.
But I love him.
Sad, isn't it? I am pathetic.
BUT I did get a huge compliment tonight......
Not only did I walk out with double what I was supposed to make in tips at the end of the night... GO ME.. but had an employee who just started a month ago tell me that he has never seen so many people react to me coming back. i e'splain: Every person who worked there at the joint (which is a lot since it has only been 3.5-4 months) who worked with me before is so happy to have me back.. I get told at least 4 x a shift. 4 shift so far. And he is right. It feels good to know that you are appreciated. And my GM is so glad cuz I told him - I like to work 7 days a week. I picked up 2 out of 4 shifts already.... and the girl that trained me (first time serving and then this time) told the GM that I was more than ready. They love me. Awesome.
So I am going to try and use it as an insturment (sp?) and try to work up to Management since I have so much history there. If not, next place, cuz they will see potential. Always do. That is why this place always takes me back, they know I am good. And damn it, that is so great...... "it makes me feel kinda' funny.. like when we used to climb the rope in gym class" ()name that movie) It is good to be appreciated.
So the Silverlake thing looks good.. and that is great. I want to get in, get my shit going, and start fresh. I need to love myself again - and I can do that here. Funny how I could not do it at home (it sufficated me) but can do it with friends). I am moving in with the couple... and they love me like an incestuous daughter. I love them right back.
Saw printgod for lunch today... his PA/buddy made a novel attempt at clearing my PC at home of the virus from SPYWARE.. BTW, if you read this K, it did not work. The computer went to my ex who changed the hard drive which was failing mechanically and successfully copied the whole thing.. work shit (thank GAWD he rocks) and then to discover that I got not one but 2 Trojan Horse viruses on it and then, when all is back to ODD but normal, the page that will not let go of the default homepage will... well, not let go! They tried and failed... yeah, tell your roomie he owes me some more time for amount of trade I gave to him since it is having the same issues... will call soon.
I realized that I, as a person, needs to grow on my own.. and even though it requires me to alienate my family and some friends... I have to do it. I need to find out why I am the way I am, why I fuck who I fuck - and why I do not let anyone in and, and the wife of the married couple says, "do not let anyone in and think it is 'me' against the world". WHY?
That is my issue. That is my work to do on myself. And I will be more "well-adjusted" as a person otherwise when those answers are found.
I just need to let sleeping dogs lie. The exs need to remain exs. And the sex needs to stop. BLAH!
Mahalo,
~ the angel*
PS - I might have a problem... will update later. Too much already written.
*** NEED TO DO A SET. WHO WANTS TO PLAY PHOTOGRAPHER? I HAVE EVERYTHING ELSE.... HIT ME UP***
VIEW 21 of 21 COMMENTS
micaela:
Hey is Upland near Riverside?
dade37:
the truth is only ones personal believe of how the world revolves around them hehehe