JOURNAL:
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
I could not ask for more than the love you give me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
[Edwin McCain, "I Could Not Ask For More"]
there are moments in life where we feel this enhanced calm come over our bodies and minds. And in that moment, we realize that all the struggles and stresses life has to offer us forcefully is nothing on the scale of importance. In that moment, we feel awake, aware, and fully capable of solving every ailing decision in our lives. Just in that moment. Where life seems simple and the light is bright at the end of the tunnel....
my Prince Charming has not called me or emailed me. I miss him. I miss feeling this calm in his arms - and there is no one in the world right now that can make me feel the way he does. I wish it was different, I wish I could find happiness with someone else, probably just as worthy - if not able - to be that person for me. But they are right (whoever "they" is), you do not choose the ones you love.... ever.
Shocker. Went to Echo Park Guy's party on friday in the slutted out little outfit I described in the last entry. Lots of industry people, no one dressed for the occasion - and none of the usual suspects to have fun with but my buddy (the owner of the lair) and his awesome girlie Jennie to share in the laughter of people trying to fake a good fun Hollywood minute. HA. The best part was when the usual suspects DID show some... around 1am. Then it got a little more confortable, a lot more fun, and I smoked instead of snorted. Yeah me. 
The ex reared his head around 1:30am, we met and chatted... until morning. He does not know what he wants or whom..
I just know it ain't me anymore, whether he likes it or not. He is not the person I was attracted to. He is weak and powerless... scared of the unknown... and I will not be that powerful ALPHA female at his side to make those choices for him. And he seemed to want that through the discussions. We will be friends. That is the end of this chapter.
Took long enough.
Gawd.
Took a late brunch in Manhattan Beach on Saturday, my personal favorite The Kettle (Old School Coffee Shop). This is one of my spots in the South Bay when I was in high school, I would have my older friends pick me up at 2 am on any night of the week and we would go catch up here, smoke a little, chill, and I never got carded or caught for being out beyond curfew. One of my younger friends (the only one I have ever fooled around with/been with that is younger) and I went there to chat, catch up, be funny cynical fools we are together - and the service, for the first time in 5-6 years, was hidious! Really bad.. we had a table of 5 sat ten minutes after us and they were starting their appitizers by the time she took our order, they were done eating by the time we got our meal... I mean bad! So appalled. But I was having such a great time with my buddy, we just had a smoke down on the pier instead of making her life miserable... I knew better in the mood I was in anyway... but still - appalling!
Was supposed to go to a costume party in LBC that night. I was so exhausted by being up early and functioning all day, when I showed back up at my buddy in Echo Park's for my remaining items, we went to italian dinner in the area, "il Capriccio on Vermont", and the wine from that (as well as the excellent salmon.. really it was amazing) made me pass out on his couch at 11 pm. When I was supposed to go to LBC. FUCK!
:smacks head: What a dork am I. Oh welll, I did not have a costume anyway. So I woke up sunday feeling great, got my awesome pink frilly dress shirt back, then drove down to Seal Beach to see my exwife. On the way, stopped in Long Beach to see the coast, love the shoreline with the boats and islands out there... love it. I just feel like Frankie Avalon is going to break out with Annette on the beach and start a boogie contest or some shit... Beautiful. Would so live there if I wanted to bad enough... I am entertaining the thought.
Hated going home at night. I do hate being home. I am not at home when I am home. It is nothing like me and the work to transform the house into a better "angel-friendly" environment is going to take some motivation and lots of elbow grease. Great. And getting no help from the "roomie", my stepdad, is just making me more frustrated. He does not do dishes AT ALL, laundry is done when he decides but general loads like towels and the comforter for the couch (long story) gets piled on the washer for me... nice. No house cleaning, no help picking up... hell the pile of cigarette buts out the patio slider is just a nut on the whipped cream on the sundae of "fun" laying on the sidewalks in the backyard. I get depressed being there.. go figure.
So if anyone wants to hel pme organize a "clean up angel's house for dinner, a movie, and some nice drinks" day, I am all over it. I just need to get some piece of sunshine in my life... since the one I want left is probably (based on the assumptions of post-surgery recovery) still resting up... so I have to wait and be patient.
Not one of my strong suits.
"Patience is a virtue, one of which I do not possess. But motivated by revenge? I got all the time in the world."
~ your truly. today.
Thank you all for the comments. I love them so much and really am trying to get around to everyone. Who would come visit on "clean up the backyard at angel's" day? Just curious.
Mahalo lovers, this week will get better. I know it.
~ Capt. Jack Sparrow, I mean....... the angel*
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I found all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive
These are the moments I'll remember all my life
I've got all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have's come true
And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be
Here with you here with me
I could not ask for more than the love you give me
Cause it's all I've waited for
And I could not ask for more
[Edwin McCain, "I Could Not Ask For More"]
there are moments in life where we feel this enhanced calm come over our bodies and minds. And in that moment, we realize that all the struggles and stresses life has to offer us forcefully is nothing on the scale of importance. In that moment, we feel awake, aware, and fully capable of solving every ailing decision in our lives. Just in that moment. Where life seems simple and the light is bright at the end of the tunnel....
my Prince Charming has not called me or emailed me. I miss him. I miss feeling this calm in his arms - and there is no one in the world right now that can make me feel the way he does. I wish it was different, I wish I could find happiness with someone else, probably just as worthy - if not able - to be that person for me. But they are right (whoever "they" is), you do not choose the ones you love.... ever.
Shocker. Went to Echo Park Guy's party on friday in the slutted out little outfit I described in the last entry. Lots of industry people, no one dressed for the occasion - and none of the usual suspects to have fun with but my buddy (the owner of the lair) and his awesome girlie Jennie to share in the laughter of people trying to fake a good fun Hollywood minute. HA. The best part was when the usual suspects DID show some... around 1am. Then it got a little more confortable, a lot more fun, and I smoked instead of snorted. Yeah me.
The ex reared his head around 1:30am, we met and chatted... until morning. He does not know what he wants or whom..
I just know it ain't me anymore, whether he likes it or not. He is not the person I was attracted to. He is weak and powerless... scared of the unknown... and I will not be that powerful ALPHA female at his side to make those choices for him. And he seemed to want that through the discussions. We will be friends. That is the end of this chapter.
Took long enough.
Gawd.
Took a late brunch in Manhattan Beach on Saturday, my personal favorite The Kettle (Old School Coffee Shop). This is one of my spots in the South Bay when I was in high school, I would have my older friends pick me up at 2 am on any night of the week and we would go catch up here, smoke a little, chill, and I never got carded or caught for being out beyond curfew. One of my younger friends (the only one I have ever fooled around with/been with that is younger) and I went there to chat, catch up, be funny cynical fools we are together - and the service, for the first time in 5-6 years, was hidious!
Really bad.. we had a table of 5 sat ten minutes after us and they were starting their appitizers by the time she took our order, they were done eating by the time we got our meal... I mean bad! So appalled. But I was having such a great time with my buddy, we just had a smoke down on the pier instead of making her life miserable... I knew better in the mood I was in anyway... but still - appalling!
Was supposed to go to a costume party in LBC that night. I was so exhausted by being up early and functioning all day, when I showed back up at my buddy in Echo Park's for my remaining items, we went to italian dinner in the area, "il Capriccio on Vermont", and the wine from that (as well as the excellent salmon.. really it was amazing) made me pass out on his couch at 11 pm. When I was supposed to go to LBC. FUCK!
:smacks head: What a dork am I. Oh welll, I did not have a costume anyway. So I woke up sunday feeling great, got my awesome pink frilly dress shirt back, then drove down to Seal Beach to see my exwife. On the way, stopped in Long Beach to see the coast, love the shoreline with the boats and islands out there... love it. I just feel like Frankie Avalon is going to break out with Annette on the beach and start a boogie contest or some shit... Beautiful. Would so live there if I wanted to bad enough... I am entertaining the thought.
Hated going home at night. I do hate being home. I am not at home when I am home. It is nothing like me and the work to transform the house into a better "angel-friendly" environment is going to take some motivation and lots of elbow grease. Great. And getting no help from the "roomie", my stepdad, is just making me more frustrated. He does not do dishes AT ALL, laundry is done when he decides but general loads like towels and the comforter for the couch (long story) gets piled on the washer for me... nice. No house cleaning, no help picking up... hell the pile of cigarette buts out the patio slider is just a nut on the whipped cream on the sundae of "fun" laying on the sidewalks in the backyard. I get depressed being there.. go figure.
So if anyone wants to hel pme organize a "clean up angel's house for dinner, a movie, and some nice drinks" day, I am all over it. I just need to get some piece of sunshine in my life... since the one I want left is probably (based on the assumptions of post-surgery recovery) still resting up... so I have to wait and be patient.
Not one of my strong suits.
"Patience is a virtue, one of which I do not possess. But motivated by revenge? I got all the time in the world."
~ your truly. today.
Thank you all for the comments. I love them so much and really am trying to get around to everyone. Who would come visit on "clean up the backyard at angel's" day? Just curious.
Mahalo lovers, this week will get better. I know it.
~ Capt. Jack Sparrow, I mean....... the angel*
VIEW 18 of 18 COMMENTS
0theamazingrando:
I would have to say that's one of the longest journals I've ever seen. You totally get a free monkey for that! 
mislaid:
I'm sending you some sunshine right now...can you feel it? Hang in there sweetheart 