m_bethany

JOURNAL:

Show me a man you cannot break and I will show him heaven...

" *For the rest of my days I want you by my side
Tell me what can I say to keep you in my life
'Cause I can never relax
I've got to keep it exciting
Make it attractive
Keep it alive
Keep you coming back
I'm always so frightened you'll see through my act
When the fire is out and I've given up
You come running out, and you build it up*

*You tell me good love never dies
It only hurts when we burn our eyes*
From staring too long at the sun
You gotta throw your hands up
And let the night come

Spoken: *I like watching you out there. It's comforting*

*Tell me what can I say to keep you in my life
All the words slip away when I look in your eyes*
Because I can never relax
I've got to keep it exciting
Make it attractive
Keep it alive
Keep you coming back
I'm already fighting to keep what I have
When the fire is out and I've given up
You come running out, and you build it up

You tell me good love never dies
It only hurts when we burn our eyes
From staring too long at the sun
You gotta throw your hands up
And let the night come
Take your chances
And let the night come"

~ Liz Phair, "Good Love Never Dies"

* I thought I believed that... I guess it is true if you did love someone that much.
I did. I did very much. But sometimes we have to remember that just because WE love that much, does not mean the other party loves you in that same intensity. Also, with further complications there is always heartbreak.

Luckily for me, that part is thankfully over. For the most part. The pang of rejection purely on one specific level is what makes me look quizicallly at the world and say. "what the fuck did I do wrong?"

No one told me that was the wrong question to ask.
"when you live with someone, you fight harder for the relationship"

yes and when that someone makes promises to change, the relationship FOR ME usually means they are on probation. But when you believe you love someone, you will let those changes slide until, god forbid, another reason to remain develops.... like a child.

I pray for the sake of the one I shead a last tear for is smarter than that. And I only pray I can give him away since he has been gone from me for such a long time already. I do not have a choice in the matter, not that I ever fooled myself into the dillusion that I did.

:sigh: And I was willing to give everything for it.
I guess I should thank my replacement for saving me the impending future.

And I am forever changed by our friendship and love - for lessons learned, I digress....

"...I watch the years go by
These are the same old guys I never had any use for
Beyond the feeling of pleasure
Or the thrill of the fight

I scored again last night
I said thanks for the drinks, nice party
Then I turned out the light

I've got timing and attitude
That can get to the baddest dude
That's when I hypnotize them
With my bionic eyes

As I got older *I had to step out of the lines*
And make up my own mind
As I got light as a feather they got stiff as a board
*I can't feel any more, but I can fake it forever*

It's easy in the beginning
When I can dazzle them
All night
Make 'em do what you wan' 'em to
Get 'em running after you
It's just the same old guys
Wearing the same old ties

...I can't feel any more, but I can fake it forever

I love my bionic eyes

If there's a parallel nation
And I'm a secret weapon
*Show me a man you cannot break
And I will show him heaven*

...I can't feel any more, but I can fake it forever"

~ Liz Phair, "My Bionic Eyes"

*I am on a Liz Phair kick today... and then some Jay-Z I am thinking..... "99 Problems" is my theme song lately. Ha!