people say life is short, that you have to live every day like it is your last.
Bullshit.
life is long - you will have to live with the choices you make for the next 50 years.
learning this lesson is tough - it seems to be. But making the right decision is never the easy thing - if it was, everyone would do it and this world would be a much better place to live in.
being in the state of mind I am in this moment, I realize I do not regret any decision I have made. I do reflect daily on the people I effect/effected, I take strides to keep this in mind in every move I make, every breath I take. I can only live from now, treat others as I would like to be treated - I believe I have embodied this in my life, even in my darkest moments. there are some I want to maybe relive - maybe be clearer to those around me how I felt and what I felt, but to know this you have to be true to yourself, to number one.
You cannot choose who you love - but you can choose HOW you love.
I love myself more today than I ever have in my life. maybe it is the city I live in, maybe it is the clarity of being in a place where I have a clean slate - a place where I have earned every step of my worth, where no past exists but the present is mine to make the most of. to be ME, to show all around me what a wonderful light I have to share, how much love I have to give, and how much I do love myself.
In this city, I have found happiness - satisfaction in my every day. I work so hard, an honest living takes four times the effort, four times the time, and a million times the wherewithal to live in the positive no matter the negative from the outside world. I choose to walk in peace, to give each moment my all, and to understand that I cannot control the decisions others make around me but can only show through my actions (not my words) how character and integrity are truly the path of the righteous man. the only good I know in this world comes from within me - not from God or a higher power - all that is in me and starts from me.
I only want to live now, with a smile and surrounded by people who love me and treat me with care and respect. Who value me as a being and want only the best, even if the truth hurts.
The pain is deep, the wound so fresh. But now I know where the pain is from and I can now treat it. It is true, time heals all wounds - and all wounds heal in time.
Amanda, you are right. I am a sharp tool with the purpose and direction gifted by a larger plan - and I do not know what that is as a whole, but what does that matter? each day I wake up and I live for me, I know the good I do with each individual that crosses my path. I have been so blessed with this new lease on life - since the day I took on the eyes of truth and reality. I did not understand it then.. but walking on my own I have exponentially grown in leaps and bounds. walking tall each day, no matter how much the pains of my past still burn deep, they fade as I have shed this old skin and slowly grown fond of the new. the answers have come, I have asked the universe for them - and they have not been easy to receive. But I asked for them, they are here, and I am meant to accept them as they are...
because they are truth. and the truth hurts.
but the truth has also set me free.
I rid myself of the excess baggage, the people who have begun to dull my sharp tool. I cannot waste my energy on these lost causes, they wear me down to a pathetic stump and I do not want to be that person again, lowering myself to a level just be accepted by people who do not really care about my being - who are selfish and shrug in my direction, like I have to forgive the blows to the head and turn the other cheek.
I will turn, but not just my cheek. I turn away and take the light and love I have to share with them, they do not deserve to feel that warmth. this has always been a weakness, to try and save the ones I feel need the help most. but you cannot help the ones who cannot help themselves.. or even love themselves enough to let you love them unconditionally - no matter what they do.
"forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do".
Amanda, you have inspired my strength in this entry - given me the words to find this peace. Emily, you have shown me how amazing I truly am, that I am as brilliant as many have claimed.. and that I am not wrong in how I love.
I only need to choose wisely those I share this love with.
Shedding skin makes us tender to the touch for a time.. but my skin is close to new and improved.
You cannot change people, but people change. Change is the only constant in this life.
Life is pain, it is how you choose to suffer.
I used to believe that - but now I know better.
Life is pain, it is if you choose to suffer. I choose not to - but to live. With a smile and with open arms to those who hug me openly and completely.
"God, give me the strength to change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to know the difference."
Ask and ye shall receive.
Namaste.
and then...
Bullshit.
life is long - you will have to live with the choices you make for the next 50 years.
learning this lesson is tough - it seems to be. But making the right decision is never the easy thing - if it was, everyone would do it and this world would be a much better place to live in.
being in the state of mind I am in this moment, I realize I do not regret any decision I have made. I do reflect daily on the people I effect/effected, I take strides to keep this in mind in every move I make, every breath I take. I can only live from now, treat others as I would like to be treated - I believe I have embodied this in my life, even in my darkest moments. there are some I want to maybe relive - maybe be clearer to those around me how I felt and what I felt, but to know this you have to be true to yourself, to number one.
You cannot choose who you love - but you can choose HOW you love.
I love myself more today than I ever have in my life. maybe it is the city I live in, maybe it is the clarity of being in a place where I have a clean slate - a place where I have earned every step of my worth, where no past exists but the present is mine to make the most of. to be ME, to show all around me what a wonderful light I have to share, how much love I have to give, and how much I do love myself.
In this city, I have found happiness - satisfaction in my every day. I work so hard, an honest living takes four times the effort, four times the time, and a million times the wherewithal to live in the positive no matter the negative from the outside world. I choose to walk in peace, to give each moment my all, and to understand that I cannot control the decisions others make around me but can only show through my actions (not my words) how character and integrity are truly the path of the righteous man. the only good I know in this world comes from within me - not from God or a higher power - all that is in me and starts from me.
I only want to live now, with a smile and surrounded by people who love me and treat me with care and respect. Who value me as a being and want only the best, even if the truth hurts.
The pain is deep, the wound so fresh. But now I know where the pain is from and I can now treat it. It is true, time heals all wounds - and all wounds heal in time.
Amanda, you are right. I am a sharp tool with the purpose and direction gifted by a larger plan - and I do not know what that is as a whole, but what does that matter? each day I wake up and I live for me, I know the good I do with each individual that crosses my path. I have been so blessed with this new lease on life - since the day I took on the eyes of truth and reality. I did not understand it then.. but walking on my own I have exponentially grown in leaps and bounds. walking tall each day, no matter how much the pains of my past still burn deep, they fade as I have shed this old skin and slowly grown fond of the new. the answers have come, I have asked the universe for them - and they have not been easy to receive. But I asked for them, they are here, and I am meant to accept them as they are...
because they are truth. and the truth hurts.
but the truth has also set me free.
I rid myself of the excess baggage, the people who have begun to dull my sharp tool. I cannot waste my energy on these lost causes, they wear me down to a pathetic stump and I do not want to be that person again, lowering myself to a level just be accepted by people who do not really care about my being - who are selfish and shrug in my direction, like I have to forgive the blows to the head and turn the other cheek.
I will turn, but not just my cheek. I turn away and take the light and love I have to share with them, they do not deserve to feel that warmth. this has always been a weakness, to try and save the ones I feel need the help most. but you cannot help the ones who cannot help themselves.. or even love themselves enough to let you love them unconditionally - no matter what they do.
"forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do".
Amanda, you have inspired my strength in this entry - given me the words to find this peace. Emily, you have shown me how amazing I truly am, that I am as brilliant as many have claimed.. and that I am not wrong in how I love.
I only need to choose wisely those I share this love with.
Shedding skin makes us tender to the touch for a time.. but my skin is close to new and improved.
You cannot change people, but people change. Change is the only constant in this life.
Life is pain, it is how you choose to suffer.
I used to believe that - but now I know better.
Life is pain, it is if you choose to suffer. I choose not to - but to live. With a smile and with open arms to those who hug me openly and completely.
"God, give me the strength to change the things I can, accept the things I cannot change, and the courage to know the difference."
Ask and ye shall receive.
Namaste.
and then...
I guess I do have weird things going on in my life, heh. Im working on that!