So after the last, which was the email that I sent to her... there's more.
--And that email was hard enough to send to her in the first place,
I said to her 'I'm done'. That's all. nothing more to it than that.. Just 'I'm done'.
She replied that if I was done then so was she. What had happened was that I had written up that text for her, which is what I told her, but that I had sent it to a mutual friend to have her read it and tell me if I was out of line or totally in left field.
I mean I'm not looking for validation, I truly believe that I'm in left field here because for as much as I love her, I think she's trolling me and can't possibly be serious by having put me into a party with a assfucking boyfriend again.
So I said as much. I told her I had written it up, but that there was no chance I could send it to her while He was there. This is in part because something like that is personal and she needs time to read and digest its contents but also because I don't want trouble for her with him because he's probably not going to take it the right way. Basically there's no right way for a boyfriend to take some other fuck pouring his heart out to his girl friend. So I told her it was for reasons of it being highly inappropriate.
But she demanded to see it. I'm like, if you're trolling me, and I have my doubts, an orchard at this point, there's no way I could send that to you and have you laugh about it with him.. no matter if you're crying on the inside and laughing with him to make him an happier jackass.
After a delay she replied with it being insulting to tell her I believed she would share something personal like that with her boyfriend. I'm like.. please.. he's right there. It would be rude, and is rude to be carrying on this conversation never mind readin my outpouring to her with him there.
So she replied with her I'm done.. and that it is a betrayal for me to say I'm done after all I've said to her to build our friendship and trust to the level we had gotten to.
So in context, since the email it says very clearly that I'm sick of women that can't tell their thralls to just fuck off.. That I'm uncomfortable and I'm ready to say fuck it and walk away. So in context yes. Telling her something apparently unambiguous like I'm done is pretty clear. She told me to leave the party and I was perfectly fine with that since it was the umpteenth time I was dropped into a party with her boyfriend. At this point I'm not able to sugar coat that I hate the guy. Who he is, what he is, that he abuses her, and everyone else and that she likes it etc.
I hate him because after she had read something as final as I'm done, and went totally dead pan and finally told me to fuck off, he laughed about it. Obviously he would because I'm some monkey's uncle trying in vain to fuck his girlfriend.. If I'm to guess at all at his troglodyte thought process. To be perfectly honest I'm glad with being just her friend and could care less about pursuing a physical relationship. That's what he's for. And again honestly, I'd be a shit fuck, so again, I'd concede any form of competition in that regard to his majesty the asshole (fixated) boyfriend.
No, I'm just trying to preserve a friendship I'd put work into by trying to understand him. She claims there's more to him than the misogyny. There's more to him that the scaldingly acidic personality that literally sheers my normally thick veneer off before he even speaks. And when he does its just instant and violent repulsion. I don't know how she can manage.
Still the point here is that after telling her I was done.. and she telling me that she was done if I was, and that I should just leave. I did.
I embraced my freedom and went directly into burn and salt the earth mode. I removed her from my Xbox Live friends list, from Facebook, and started purging what shared documents I could find while still able to recollect my cause. I had told her that it would be like cutting my own arms off. As much as could be done flying on autopilot was done, and I went to sleep.
Not very much later on she texted me, which technically I should have just loaded the hangouts app on one of the nexus devices and blocked both of her numbers. I couldn't do that as per the reasons I stated to her in the email. I'm simply not capable.
But she texted me. Well technically she had texted me only a few minutes later demanding an explanation for why I could just walk.
The explanation is simple. I don't want to be a third wheel. Nor do I want to interfere with what she has if she's an intensely in love with what's him name. I'm not above trying to break them up, but I'd gain nothing. And he's competing with himself and hopefully won't blow this up for himself.
But despite that I did drop a grenade on her chest and left her to deal with it. Above all else that was my intention. Because I'm done dealing with her boyfriend and if that means walking away from her too.. which is like cutting my arms off. She told me to leave.
That's a bastard move. And one I was moving pieces around and biding my time for for several days. Asking those certain questions, joining parties anyway.. and being there for her, most of the times she needed me. Loading the situation up so that when it was just perfectly set.. I could drop that grenade. Good you're done with me. Fine. I'm gone.
She replied: 'I'm still texting so that's Bullshit.'
I'm not exactly clear what she meant, even now, because either she called my bullshit play for what it was, or she wasn't understanding what was happening.
I had to take it for the first and told her that it must be shock that was keeping her texting me back after I dropped from the party and burned and salted the earth between us. That and shit loads of pain. Pain that I believed a troll would have expected and been impervious to.
She replied: 'YOU SAID YOU WERE FINISHED.'
And while I was and am.. I'm seriously unmotivated to keep this train wreck going, I'm too much in love with her to just drop her into a shallow bath of her own tears and walk. Not even just because ass face is there probably confused, but probably still laughing at the situation. I don't know or care, but to speculate it must have pissed him off to have had her become so emotional at having potentially driven away some dumb ass love drunk nigger.
Agreed of course that I loaded the situation and further instigated it to the point of ignition and let it explode when she gave me so deeply desired opportunity. Plus if he's there.. good. His role in this would be decided by how he would react to his girlfriend becoming emotional because she had to drive away her friend because of him. And if he's disinterested by her when she's emotional, she has to know what he's about. King shit that he is.. he apparently didn't react well to it at all.
I don't even know why, ignoring my reasoning that I love her and all that bullshit, I continued to text her to diffuse the situation before it could have had the desired effect. Once in disaster control mode.. I told her it was as much a misunderstanding as something that had been building to the point of an explosion. In me, there's this unexplainable amount of bile when he's on the mic. I cut my mic to deal with it but overheard enough to remain utterly disgusted, foreplay. Ick. He was of course amused.. and I managed to get her to understand that's what the point of all this was. And in some small way it is. I'm done dealing with him and would walk if that's what it would take.
So she asked me for the email and I was like.. please. While in burn and salt the earth mode, that was the first action. It was for you and as a parting gift, here you go. I'm not certain she reads anything I send to her but if at least she would read that recap of events maybe she would understand. If it took dropping a grenade on her ample chest to get her to pop her eyes open to the situation and read it, fine. My bastardy manipulation would be worth something.
Still. Middle of the of the night she texted me. Which after she told me she'd been riding her man like a prize race horse.. I'm glad I somehow managed to sleep through the notification. I don't know how I could have because that comes through my PC speakers and it fairly loud. Still, I slept through it. I don't know what I could possibly have said at that point that would have made any kind of difference.
I just don't fucking know.