lysie

tear filled blog- most traumatic day ever.

any of you that read my blogs will know that a few months ago i was pregnant. even though i was apparently infertile.
i had an abortion.
but i thought i was still pregnant after i had it done. i just had a feeling and everyone was saying i was stupid and in denial. but it was possible that this could have happend because i have a retroverted uterus and it took 45 mins on an ultrasound to find the baby. or i may have had twins because my sister is a twin so its in my genes. and it could be possible that they removed one fetus by accident.

a few weeks later i went to the doctors and they said i was pregnant, but with a new baby. which i didnt think was right because i was on the pill and had had sex once since the previous abortion.
so i felt like an idiot because i was wrong and was pregnant for the second time.

i went to the hospital to have an abortion today. the doctor told me how far pregnant i was... which meant that the other doctor was wrong and i had been pregnant this whole time. like i thought i was.

the doctors were saying i shouldnt have left it so late. i was getting upset because i only thought i was like 2 months pregnant. its not my fault its the previous hospitals fault for fuking up.

anyway so i was given some tablets to take. that made me vomit and have massive stomach cramps..
the doctor said i had to have the tablets in my system for 2 hours.

so i sat there.. waited and waited.. watched all these girls come and go. wondering why none of these other girls had to have tablets and why i had been sitting there since 7am.

i buzzed the nurse and said.. i dont want to do this right now, its all too much for me, maybe its meant to be if the baby survived an abortion.and told her i wanted to go home.

she said.. 'u cant go anywhere now, the drugs are in your system, we've induced the pregnancy and the baby is coming out.

what the fuk. noone told me thats what the tablets were for.

so i started having what i think were contractions and bleeding and then the nurse said your cervix should be dialated now, come thru.

and then i was put to sleep. so its like i went thru labour without the pushing.
all i remember is screaming when he put the needle in me because my chest got tight and i felt like my head was sinking into my neck.

anyway.. was all over. the nurse comes in and says.. 'your next of kin cant pick u up anymore' my next of kin was my best friend who had rang me that morning promising to be there to get me. she msgd me saying.. sory my mums sick i cant come get you'

so i started crying. some fuking friend.

so the nurse says i should ring my bf and ask him to come get me.

he said.. 'i cant, i have to go to the doctors because of my sunburn'

i just lay there crying. this is what upset me most about today. that the 2 ppl that i thought cared about me the most were too busy/selfish to come and pick me up.

so i had to get a taxi and it cost me $85 to get home.

i cried..more like sobbed..the whole way home. and im still going now.

im going to go to bed and hug my pillow...

thankyou to anyone who msgd me to wish me luck etc. its much appreciated.