My prints on Anything your Heart Desires
Today was kinda confusing for me. I have this situation. I broke up with my boyfriend around a month ago. We are still friends and see each other. I told him we needed to take a break because I wasn't happy and he was too needy. There are a lot of things he needs to get straightened out in his life. I was sad, but sort of relieved at the same time as I was doing sooo much for him. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. So this past month I have been concentrating on myself and my son, doing what I want to do, going on vacation etc. And to be honest, not really missing the BF too much. This man is really a wonderful human being, the best BF I've ever had (and I've had plenty). He is sensitive and caring, thinks I walk on water, is attentive to my needs and loving and compassionate. Really the only complaint was his neediness the simple everyday things. Nothing got done unless I did it, I was beginning to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend.
So I guess I would be amiss if I didn't reveal the other half of my situation. His name is Shane and he is THE love of my life. Our relationship is one that is really hard to put into words. We have been together on and off for 22 years (okay, I'm totally dating myself). We lose touch and then 5 years later come back together. That's just it, we always seem to come back together. There is a special bond there that just can never be broken. We have been through so much together: pregnancy, abortion, infidelity, alcohol and drug addiction, near fatal car accidents..the list could go on and on.
So if you ask me who I want to spend the rest of my life with, my immediate response would be Shane. So I thought that this break with the BF would maybe give me an opportunity to see where I stand in the Shane department. I know that he loves me and claims I am the love of his life to. The chemistry is still there, always has been. But we have a phone conversation the other night and I asked him point blank where I stand. Why he won't date me. And he says that he's not ready. I have suffered a lot of heartbreak from this person and he doesn't want that to happen ever again. I am his best friend, besides his mother, he says and that he is not ready to date. He still needs to work on himself, he's still too self-centered, etc. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed but I see what he is saying and agree. I don't want to risk us being together intimately and then it going bad and us not remaining friends. This is a scenario that I guess will just have to play out on its own. If it was meant to be than it will. But is it the best thing for me?
Part three of my day: So my ex BF comes over today to help me clean the house. Its the first time I've seen him in about two weeks. Mind you, since the break we have not been intimate, but today..well today is another story. I don't know what the reason was but I initiated and he didn't stop me and it was mind-blowing (as always..there was never any problem in that department). So afterwards I basically huddle in the corner in the fetal position crying my eyes out. I don't really know what the deal was. I was overwhelmed by so many feelings. Maybe I felt like I really didn't miss him and now realized that I do, maybe I wanted to feel nothing so we could just break up and that would be easier than this "limbo" that I'm in now. So now, here I am very confused and not sure how I feel. I told him that it was a mistake, that I was sorry and shouldn't have initiated and he apologized because he could have said no, but didn't. So we go back to being friends. But I'm still left feeling all these mixed emotions and I'm not really sure what do make of them or what to do with them.
Can you truly be in love with two people at the same time?...because I believe I am.
Anyone with any insight? Help a girl out!!!
Today was kinda confusing for me. I have this situation. I broke up with my boyfriend around a month ago. We are still friends and see each other. I told him we needed to take a break because I wasn't happy and he was too needy. There are a lot of things he needs to get straightened out in his life. I was sad, but sort of relieved at the same time as I was doing sooo much for him. It was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. So this past month I have been concentrating on myself and my son, doing what I want to do, going on vacation etc. And to be honest, not really missing the BF too much. This man is really a wonderful human being, the best BF I've ever had (and I've had plenty). He is sensitive and caring, thinks I walk on water, is attentive to my needs and loving and compassionate. Really the only complaint was his neediness the simple everyday things. Nothing got done unless I did it, I was beginning to feel more like his mother than his girlfriend.
So I guess I would be amiss if I didn't reveal the other half of my situation. His name is Shane and he is THE love of my life. Our relationship is one that is really hard to put into words. We have been together on and off for 22 years (okay, I'm totally dating myself). We lose touch and then 5 years later come back together. That's just it, we always seem to come back together. There is a special bond there that just can never be broken. We have been through so much together: pregnancy, abortion, infidelity, alcohol and drug addiction, near fatal car accidents..the list could go on and on.
So if you ask me who I want to spend the rest of my life with, my immediate response would be Shane. So I thought that this break with the BF would maybe give me an opportunity to see where I stand in the Shane department. I know that he loves me and claims I am the love of his life to. The chemistry is still there, always has been. But we have a phone conversation the other night and I asked him point blank where I stand. Why he won't date me. And he says that he's not ready. I have suffered a lot of heartbreak from this person and he doesn't want that to happen ever again. I am his best friend, besides his mother, he says and that he is not ready to date. He still needs to work on himself, he's still too self-centered, etc. I'll admit I'm a little disappointed but I see what he is saying and agree. I don't want to risk us being together intimately and then it going bad and us not remaining friends. This is a scenario that I guess will just have to play out on its own. If it was meant to be than it will. But is it the best thing for me?
Part three of my day: So my ex BF comes over today to help me clean the house. Its the first time I've seen him in about two weeks. Mind you, since the break we have not been intimate, but today..well today is another story. I don't know what the reason was but I initiated and he didn't stop me and it was mind-blowing (as always..there was never any problem in that department). So afterwards I basically huddle in the corner in the fetal position crying my eyes out. I don't really know what the deal was. I was overwhelmed by so many feelings. Maybe I felt like I really didn't miss him and now realized that I do, maybe I wanted to feel nothing so we could just break up and that would be easier than this "limbo" that I'm in now. So now, here I am very confused and not sure how I feel. I told him that it was a mistake, that I was sorry and shouldn't have initiated and he apologized because he could have said no, but didn't. So we go back to being friends. But I'm still left feeling all these mixed emotions and I'm not really sure what do make of them or what to do with them.
Can you truly be in love with two people at the same time?...because I believe I am.
Anyone with any insight? Help a girl out!!!
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
not ever wanting to hurt them.
not wanting anyone else but them.
giving yourself to them *completely*, mind, body, soul ... and heart.
Ive always *felt* like u could only do these things for ONE person, but Ive never been in a situation where Ive had to think abt wanting to give these things to another person. being bi is complicating because I think I could fall in love with another *woman* if the right one came around ... but until that happens, I guess it'll remain a mystery.
You and your ex broke up for a reason. Think abt that reason. Has anything changed? Was the "incident" with him the other night just a one time thing, or is there feelings attatched to the experience? For u or for him?
Hang in there lady.