As I listen to "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World", I think about death.
Me: What do you think about death?
Me in Response: I dont. I really really don't.
Am I afraid of death? Not truly. Death is rest. I don't dream when I sleep, so death won't be terribly unfamiliar.
Am I afraid of dying? A little.
(song changes to "At your funeral" - Saves the Day. heh)
I dont want to lose my will to something my mind can not defeat. Defeated by pain. Defeated by myself. I can not go out like that.
(song changes to "I will survive" - Gloria Gaynor by way of Snuff. Jeez)
Dying is going to be natural. I know it's going to happen. It's a non-issue. Just like the seasons and porn, it's going to happen. So I guess I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of dying without consent. Without making peace.
So what is the crux of the fear?
How do you die peacefully?
Without pain.
Without fear.
Without regret. Without Fear.
>regret and fear<
ah hah.
I'm 23 and of enough damage and non-mainstream influence to be able to see more than to see that 9.95/10 mainstream and alternative lifestyles, cliques and trends are nothing but polar cosmetic opposites of each other and that the best truth is the one you make for yourself and show through all facets of your life. The immediate world and it's opportunites should be something that I can grasp and mold. Why isn't it?
(song changes to "Everything you want" - Vertical Horizon. Hmm)
I'm afraid. It makes me pass opportunites. It fills me with regret. Never being able to do anything because I'm afraid of breaking. Of failing and never being able to get back up to try again.
Of never being able to get back up.
(song changes to "Four seasons, spring" - Vivaldi)
Me: What do you think about death?
Me in Response: I dont. I really really don't.
Am I afraid of death? Not truly. Death is rest. I don't dream when I sleep, so death won't be terribly unfamiliar.
Am I afraid of dying? A little.
(song changes to "At your funeral" - Saves the Day. heh)
I dont want to lose my will to something my mind can not defeat. Defeated by pain. Defeated by myself. I can not go out like that.
(song changes to "I will survive" - Gloria Gaynor by way of Snuff. Jeez)
Dying is going to be natural. I know it's going to happen. It's a non-issue. Just like the seasons and porn, it's going to happen. So I guess I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of dying without consent. Without making peace.
So what is the crux of the fear?
How do you die peacefully?
Without pain.
Without fear.
Without regret. Without Fear.
>regret and fear<
ah hah.
I'm 23 and of enough damage and non-mainstream influence to be able to see more than to see that 9.95/10 mainstream and alternative lifestyles, cliques and trends are nothing but polar cosmetic opposites of each other and that the best truth is the one you make for yourself and show through all facets of your life. The immediate world and it's opportunites should be something that I can grasp and mold. Why isn't it?
(song changes to "Everything you want" - Vertical Horizon. Hmm)
I'm afraid. It makes me pass opportunites. It fills me with regret. Never being able to do anything because I'm afraid of breaking. Of failing and never being able to get back up to try again.
Of never being able to get back up.
(song changes to "Four seasons, spring" - Vivaldi)