I cant take much more of this.
Ever since i took this job last november I've been nothing but stressed out and worried and fearful. And I dont even know why. I cant relax about it either and let it ride, for some reason my programming wont accept the commands to relax. I've come home in tears at least three times in the last month and i've been very close to tears more times than I can count. I'm very scared of coming apart at the seams and doing permanent damage to mental health.
There's so many factors that contribute that I dont know where to start working on the easier problems. Part of it is just the way I work, taking things said to me very personally and feeling horrible when i cant fix their problems. Another part of it is that the equipment in the place where I work is still not completely up to code and the people from my company working there are very slow and usually thinking two jobs ahead of the one their in. I feel like it's all going against me and if this isn't successful then i'll be out of a job and I'll never be able to find another one in A/V or Video ever again. If that happens... i feel like there wont be a way to keep living. THAT really scares me.
And of course i still have my baggage of wanting everyone to like me and hoping to find that one special person... but finding that special person hs really not been on my mind until I've broken down and wished someone could hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.
I need help
Ever since i took this job last november I've been nothing but stressed out and worried and fearful. And I dont even know why. I cant relax about it either and let it ride, for some reason my programming wont accept the commands to relax. I've come home in tears at least three times in the last month and i've been very close to tears more times than I can count. I'm very scared of coming apart at the seams and doing permanent damage to mental health.
There's so many factors that contribute that I dont know where to start working on the easier problems. Part of it is just the way I work, taking things said to me very personally and feeling horrible when i cant fix their problems. Another part of it is that the equipment in the place where I work is still not completely up to code and the people from my company working there are very slow and usually thinking two jobs ahead of the one their in. I feel like it's all going against me and if this isn't successful then i'll be out of a job and I'll never be able to find another one in A/V or Video ever again. If that happens... i feel like there wont be a way to keep living. THAT really scares me.
And of course i still have my baggage of wanting everyone to like me and hoping to find that one special person... but finding that special person hs really not been on my mind until I've broken down and wished someone could hold me and tell me everything is going to be alright.
I need help
charlize:
I'm sorry. I know how it feels to hate a job so much. Would it be possible for you to find another job? One maybe less stressful. I'm sure that is easier said than done, though. But, it doesn't even sound like it is worth it for you, at least from my perspective. As far as finding someone, I wouldn't be too stressed about it. You are only 22, I'm sure someone will snap you up! 
I think everyone is afraid of being alone and not being accepted. I worry about it sometimes because my mother is 48 and never been married or even really been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I thought I would be hung with the same fate, but it is all a myth. My mother's past does not have to be my future. I am sure there is some underlying past issue that has created those feelings and the best advice (if you even want advice) is to accept it. People are always trying to rid themselves of parts that they believe are "bad" but really they should just embrace it and it makes it tons easier to deal with. Also, things always seem to work out eventually. 
Feel better! 
I'm sorry. I know how it feels to hate a job so much. Would it be possible for you to find another job? One maybe less stressful. I'm sure that is easier said than done, though. But, it doesn't even sound like it is worth it for you, at least from my perspective. As far as finding someone, I wouldn't be too stressed about it. You are only 22, I'm sure someone will snap you up! I think everyone is afraid of being alone and not being accepted. I worry about it sometimes because my mother is 48 and never been married or even really been in a serious relationship. Sometimes I thought I would be hung with the same fate, but it is all a myth. My mother's past does not have to be my future. I am sure there is some underlying past issue that has created those feelings and the best advice (if you even want advice) is to accept it. People are always trying to rid themselves of parts that they believe are "bad" but really they should just embrace it and it makes it tons easier to deal with. Also, things always seem to work out eventually. Feel better! 
akirali:
Check out Sloane's set. If that don't cheer you up, I don''t know what will Seriously though, I hope our talk helped some. You should watch Ghost Dog if you get a chance. Its a great film for helping you understand the different ways of the world.
Seriously though, I hope our talk helped some. You should watch Ghost Dog if you get a chance. Its a great film for helping you understand the different ways of the world.